Planning a party can be a ton of fun.
Even though there is so much plotting and figuring out, throwing together a lavish event can be almost as fun as the event itself.
However, one of the stressful parts of party planning is dealing with the budget.
The money has to come from somewhere.
Finding it can take the air out of the balloons.
Redditor GlimmerElsewhere wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that I won’t be paying $25 to attend her birthday party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (F[emale] 22) friend (F 22) is turning 23 this year.”
“She has not had a birthday party in a few years because her birthday falls on the week of Thanksgiving, and when she tried to have one for her 18th birthday party, only 5 people showed up, and that’s not including her immediate family, when she invited multiple friends, provided catering, and the food with money from her own pocket.”
“She has since dropped certain friends for their behavior towards her. “
“They were pretty valid reasons, though not important to this.”
“She has a new friend group that treats her great and shows up to hang out, are there when things are tough, or there is an emergency in her life.”
“I have been her friend since we were both 13.”
“For this year, even though it’s not a significant birthday, it’s a new beginning for her, and she says it feels like a ‘rebirth’ in a way, and a weight has been lifted off her shoulder, so she wants to go all out with this birthday. “
“Catering from her favorite place, her favorite performer who offers to perform at events, decorations, etc.”
“When she told me about this, I was supportive and told her she should do it!”
“Until she told me roughly how much this party would cost her.”
“The performer’s fee alone would be $605, and then the catering would be around $100-$200 if she invited 25-30 people as she planned.”
“And then the decorations, she said she would be using some that she had at home already, or D[o]-I[t]-Y[ourself]ing them with her family.”
“She wants it to be Little Mermaid themed since she recently made a cosplay of her favorite character, Melody from the sequels, and she wanted to wear that for the party.”
“She would be spending about $1000 for this entire event herself.”
“I already know it because when she throws a party, she throws a PARTY!”
“Even though no one showed up to the last one she hosted for herself, it was AMAZING!”
“Now… she wants to have people pay her $25 to RSVP so that she could use that money to pay the live performer and take off the major weight of what she’d be paying for the event.”
“She asked me what I thought, and I told her, ‘that’s the stupidest sh*t I’ve ever heard.’”
“She knows how blunt I am and has told me before, ‘if I’m being stupid, call me out on it.’”
“So that’s what I did.”
“No one that I know in our friend group is going to pay $25 to go to a birthday party they were invited to. “
“If I’m invited to a birthday party, then I should go for free and use my money to buy her a gift.”
“Not using that money to pay for entertainment that is supposed to be for everyone to enjoy.”
“She called me a bi*ch and told me to leave before she said something else she’d regret later on.”
“Since I’m so close to her family, her mother texted me saying that ‘whatever I said to her was really hurtful,’ and that she’s been upset since I left, and that I should apologize.”
“She asked me a question, and I simply answered with my opinion.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“Gentle YTA for how you worded and reacted.”
“It took me two minutes to spin this into ‘in lieu of gifts, please consider giving $25 to help cover expenses.'”
“You didn’t give her any advice and instead bashed her on her idea.” ~ Wild_Share_9190
“Gentle YTA, the idea wasn’t the issue; your delivery was.” ~ coldcoffeeuwu
“You aren’t being invited to like a dinner, you are being invited to a catered event with an entertainer.”
“Paying 25 dollars for her to have this experience she wants IS the present she wants.”
“You’d rather have the birthday person out 1000 dollars and have 30 knick-knacks?”
“It doesn’t seem like you are being a very supportive friend, since the amount of money itself isn’t the issue, but you will only support her if it is within a very prescribed routine way. YTA.” ~ Jakyland
“Yeah, OP and others aren’t thinking this through at all.”
“I don’t know, getting older, I usually do trips with friends or something instead of wanting or expecting gifts.”
“I plan an overnight, and we split it 5, 6 ways or whatever.”
“Much better than a bunch of random things I may not need.” ~ Cudi_buddy
“Yup! Went on a birthday trip with a close friend recently. paid for my flight and accommodations, and she handled the rest (within reason— I was still buying most of my own meals, etc).”
“That said, I did not get her a gift. “
“The gift was the experience.”
“To me, this is part of being an adult. OP had every right to say ‘hey, that doesn’t work for me, and if it’s required, I won’t be able to come,’ but being so mean about a friend running an idea by them… YTA.” ~ sweetbabyjosi
“This is the best response – giving her money toward something she really wants, which just happens to be a birthday experience, is wonderful as a gift.”
“When people buy you gifts that they specifically want to buy you instead of whatever you asked for, then they’re kind of buying for themselves, not for the person.” ~ iamwomanhearmesnore
“This sounds like one of the cheapest birthdays to lay for, and it absolutely shouldn’t be.”
“People didn’t come to the last one she threw, and the poor girl is willing to try it again and just ask for some money to help subsidize.”
“If I knew I was getting food and entertainment, even in my 20s, I would pay that $25 in a heartbeat.”
“That’s less than the cost of most dinners (especially if everybody pitches in to pay for the birthday person).” ~ heyitsta12
“YTA, there is blunt, and being an AH, you chose the latter.”
As to the issue, if she is asking for $25 instead of bringing a present, that’s not unreasonable.” ~ Lumi020323
“Honestly, this would be absolutely wonderful.”
“It is often very ambiguous for adults what is expected of the attendee at a birthday party.”
“This perfectly clarifies it and takes any pressure off about whether you should bring a gift, how much you should spend on it, etc.”
“$25 is less than you would spend on pretty much anything right now.” ~ consider_its_tree
“She’s all in for putting out a grand for her own party.”
“She invites her friends to share what she feels is a pivotal time in her life, with her.”
“All she asks in return is $25.”
“You tell her it’s a stupid idea.”
“That was her birthday wish.”
“Sorry, YTA.” ~ The_Emo_Nun
“YTA. Get used to paying for taking a friend out for their birthday.”
“It’s part of being an adult.”
“And $25 is dirt cheap. “
“Apologize and pay the money.” ~ j_jqqq
“YTA, but I think it’s because you are at an age transition time.”
“In teens, parents pay for parties, so this would be super tacky.”
“It is very common for early-mid twenties to shift to potlucks, B[ring]-Y[our]-O[wn]-B[everage] parties, everyone paying for themselves (and maybe splitting the birthday person’s cost) for dinner.”
“In that lens, $25 (in lieu of a gift) is a totally reasonable amount for a cool experience.”
“Apps like Partiful now literally have a Venmo integration so people can pay a fee for parties or events to cover costs.”
“You could just not go if you don’t want to.” ~ Kasilins
“I was going to say $25 is so cheap to pay for a birthday.”
“In my group, we go out to a nice dinner and pay for the birthday person, and then buy them drinks all night if we go out after, and it’s been that way since we all started turning 21.”
“It ends up being well over $100.”
“Even if I was invited to a random house party, I’d show up with alcohol and maybe even something food-related.” ~ Suitable_Release
“I don’t know, man.”
“We usually pay for the person unless they are planning something on their own.”
“But that’s me, and I like my friends, so we usually take the person out, and they don’t pay a dime on anything during the entire evening.”
“It’s her day.”
“You seem like a terrible friend. Honestly.”
“Jerks usually use the lie of being blunt or direct to hide their bitterness.”
“I don’t know you, but… Meh. YTA.” ~ AintNoGodsUpHere
“YTA, you said your opinion cruelly.”
“Her birthday is coming up, she wants to celebrate, you admit her parties are great, and you insulted her while she was still in the planning stage.”
“Unless that’s your last $25 and she knows you struggle with money, there was no reason to be so harsh to your childhood friend.” ~ mossfan-mothman
“YTA… It’s $25… You would’ve spent more than that taking her out to dinner.”
“You could’ve brought your concerns, saying you didn’t know how others would react cause it wasn’t the norm in your friend group, but if you are as close as you say you are, then you should’ve just gone with it.”
“Again, it’s $25.” ~ LynnLizzy79
“So why not just give her the 25$ and then the party IS her present?”
“Problem solved.”
“If she wants the party, then that’s her present.”
“Win-win. “
“$25 isnt even that much. YTA.” ~ RayDjo
Reddit is not with you on this one, OP.
You’re also speaking for others who haven’t heard the scenario yet.
Maybe you could use a little more finesse with your… opinion, on this matter.
Good luck.