Everyone has stressful days at work, no matter their job or profession.
However, some people’s jobs are a bit more frequently stress-inducing than others.
So much so that even when people head home at the end of the day, they still find themselves overcome with emotion and unable to decompress,
Often met with confusion and frustration from people outside of their profession.
Redditor Expensive_Log_6636’s worked a time-consuming and stress-inducing job.
Even so, the original poster (OP) gave in to their partner’s request to attend his sister’s birthday party, even though it would be very complicated with his work.
As he somewhat expected, the OP’s job resulted in him being late and more than a little flustered to his sister-in-law (SIL)’s birthday party.
Unfortunately, the OP’s SIL was anything but understanding, resulting in the OP even being reduced to tears.
After being accused of “ruining” his sister’s birthday, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ruining my SIL’s birthday by crying?”
The OP explained why he was accused of ruining his SIL’s birthday:
“I (43 M[ale]) am an Advanced Paramedic in Critical Care.”
“This means I’m trained to treat very serious injury and illness, and also work in my service’s Emergency Operations Centre to monitor emergency calls and dispatch other AP-CCs.”
“Because it’s a high-stress job and my shifts can easily overrun, I usually only commit to social events on my days off.”
“Recently, my SIL (40 F[emale]) booked a meal at a nice restaurant to celebrate her birthday.”
“I initially told my partner (44 M[ale]) I couldn’t go as I had a 6am-4pm shift that day.”
“However, he really wanted me to go, so I got my shift changed from Ambulance Crew to EOC, thinking it would decrease the chance of being too late or too drained to go.”
“The shift was awful – my country’s healthcare system is extremely overburdened and I had to make a lot of difficult decisions prioritizing calls.”
“Near the end of my shift, I had to input on a complex, distressing call which took almost 2 hours.”
“I left work 90 mins late and got to the restaurant about 20 mins late, in uniform and very tired.”
“When I arrived, SIL sarcastically said it was nice of me to finally show up and to make such an effort with my clothes.”
“I apologized, saying I had a call that overran.”
“My partner asked about the call, and I said I didn’t want to discuss it as it was upsetting and probably inappropriate for SIL’s daughter (8 F) to hear.”
“BIL (38 M) said it was just a call and I wasn’t actually there, so if I’m going to use it as an excuse to disrespect his wife I should tell them what happened.”
“I said it wasn’t an excuse, I couldn’t just hang up emergency calls when I felt like it, and SIL said I shouldn’t have taken the call when I knew I had to leave.”
“I said I was the only AP on duty so what was I supposed to do, make a junior dispatcher do my job for me?”
“SIL said not everything was about me or how important and special my job is, especially not her birthday.”
“I was honestly so overwhelmed I started crying, although I know it was probably an overreaction.”
“I was also really embarrassed as I don’t cry in front of others, so I went to the toilet to calm down.”
“My partner came to check on me and I said I just wanted to go home.”
“He said it was fine, he would explain to SIL and BIL, so I left.”
“When he got home later, he said SIL and BIL were furious that I’d ruined the meal by making it about me, as they felt I should have made sure I was on time and out of uniform, or at least been more understanding about why SIL was upset.”
“I said SIL made it about me by being rude over a 20 min delay when I was clearly exhausted, and he said I couldn’t expect others to manage my stress for me when I chose a high-stress job.”
“I said I was managing my stress when I said I couldn’t go, and he said he also has a stressful job and still doesn’t use it as an excuse to flake on his family.”
“He wants me to apologize to SIL, and I’m still hurt over the situation.”
“However, I feel really bad for ruining the meal, and I’m worried I did overreact and make everybody cater to my emotions.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for crying at his SIL”s birthday party.
Everyone agreed that if anyone was owed an apology, it was the OP from his SIL, with many others urging the OP to seriously question if staying in his relationship was a good idea:
“NTA.”
‘Have they always been this awful to you?”
“Holy f*ck.”
“I would not be apologizing.”
“Instead I’d be serving divorce papers to your partner for his inability to stand up for you.”
“You deserve better than this.”- Emissary_007
“NTA.”
“You were set up for failure here, and honestly, I doubt there was anything you could have done that would have been right by them.”
“I wouldn’t apologize.”
“I would call a divorce lawyer.”
“His family is awful and he prioritizes them over you.”- Such_Guide2828
“NTA.”
“‘When I arrived, SIL sarcastically said it was nice of me to finally show up and to make such an effort with my clothes’.”
“That’s when you should have turned around and walked right out.”
“You are doing a stressful, crucial job for the people in your country.”
“Don’t you dare let these entitled AHs dismiss that and talk down to you.”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA.”
“Tell this man to stick it and that you all have zero compassion.”
“I would have told the story and even embellished it so they got the point.”
“Also next time he asks and you say no then it is a complete sentence.”- Victor-Grimm
“NTA.”
“You have an incredibly important job and informed them way in advance that you weren’t gonna be able to make it or we’re at least gonna be late.”
“20 minutes is not that big of a deal either.”
“They are way over reacting for such a small amount of time.”
“You went out of your way to take an important call that could result in saving lives.”
“They have no excuse to be upset over 20 minutes late to a birthday dinner that will take place every single year until she dies.”- Ethan_Robins524
“NTA.”
“Your partner sucks and so do his family.”
“If someone has clearly had a sh*tty day and still makes an effort to come and celebrate your birthday with you, you show gratitude, not attitude.”
“WTF is wrong with her?”- SirTigsNoMercy
“NTA at all!”
“You made an immense effort to be there for your partner and everyone else despite your own exhaustion and emotional stress, and it was thrown back in your face.”
“Not only once, but your in-laws doubled down.”
“Going forward and for your own good, stick to the boundaries you initially set so you can decompress after work.”
“Especially since you never can know what kind of day it will be.”
“I don’t think you owe anyone an apology per se because you didn’t do anything wrong, but you could say something along the lines of ‘I should’ve known I was stretched too thin but wanted to make the effort—I will be sure to prioritize my mental and emotional health going forward’ to both your husband and in-laws.”
“It shows some accountability to keep the peace, but reiterates your needs.”
“We’re human, not robots, after all!”
“Thanks to you and your colleagues for the important work you do.”
“Healthcare workers don’t get nearly enough thanks and gratitude for all you do.”- justfollowyoureyes
“NTA, but everyone else is including your partner.”
“Why are you with someone who does not have your back?”
“Put yourself first and get out now!”
“I am saying to even get away from this ‘partner’ who is not a partner.”- kslmp63
It is difficult to imagine how anyone present at this dinner could think the OP was trying to make the night all about him when he was going to great lengths to move attention away from himself.
One also wonders, based on the way the OP’s SIL and BIL treated him, why they even wanted him there in the first place.
Equally surprising is the OP’s partner’s demand that the OP apologize to his sister when he agreed to let him go home and said he would explain the situation.
With all this in mind, one cannot help but wonder how healthy it is for the OP to stay in this relationship.