Family is never easy.
Even when family is loving, it’s still never easy.
There are so many dynamics to navigate.
And sometimes issues between siblings can be difficult to untangle.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway_4239 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for not moving out of the guest room for my sister?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 F[emale]) recently divorced my ex after I found out he was cheating.”
“It’s been a very difficult time for me, so I asked my mom and stepdad if I could move in with them for a little while (I offered to pay them rent) so I can clear my head, and they agreed.”
“Their house has 3 bedrooms, one they use, a guest bedroom I’m staying in and the third’s been turned into an office area, but with a sleeper sofa.”
“My sister ‘Anne’ (27 F) has ovarian cancer – she’s currently in remission.”
“I know Anne has been through a lot and it’s hard for her, but she gets a lot of support from mom, dad and stepdad.”
“It’s often as if I’m not there.”
“She’s doing better than before, but a couple days ago my mom called her to ask if she wanted to stay over for a few days.”
“Anne said yes, she came over yesterday.”
“Now, mom asked me to move out of the guest room to the office so Anne could stay there.”
“I was kind of surprised, I told her that I have my things in the guest room and she can’t expect me to stay in the office, on a small sleeper sofa (I have a bad back).”
“Mom kept insisting it was just for a few days, but I said that I was paying rent and I’m not moving out of the guest room.”
“Stepdad then chimed in, saying that I don’t have to pay them.”
“Both of them kept harassing me until I just snapped and said that they sacrifice everything for Anne.”
“My mom is literally the one that invited her over for pretty much no reason and now I’m expected to just pack up and leave.”
“I then said that I feel very sorry for Anne, but I have problems in my life too and my mom never called me up and said to stay over.”
“Anne overheard this and told mom and stepdad that maybe this is a bad time and she can stay over another time.”
“They both obviously kept insisting Anne stay, but she said something about having some work over at her apartment and she’ll come by another week.”
“She stayed until dinner but then asked stepdad to drop her home.”
“After Anne left, mom went off at me, saying I was unsupportive and ‘behaving terribly’ towards Anne.”
“I told her, again, that I’m very sorry for Anne’s condition but they can’t baby her all the time, and she’s doing a lot better now, she told me so herself.”
“I said that I’m going through a hard time but they don’t really seem to care.”
“Mom said I was acting selfish and self-centered and I haven’t talked to her after that.”
“Was I being an a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“A family member once compared her divorce to my chronic health problems.”
“I walked away before I said something I’d regret.”
“OP: I understand wanting your personal space, but nothing you have said here is becoming to you at all. YTA.” ~ ANJohnson83
“Actually, having gone through both cancer (in remission) and a divorce.”
“The divorce was much more emotionally draining with crazy anger highs and demented lows – and I am not particularly an emotional person.”
“While the cancer treatments kicked my physical a$$, it wasn’t nearly the crazy psychological ride.”
“That said, every person’s divorce and cancer journeys are unique.”
“While the OP is by no means noble, the parent’s truly are AHs for attempting to kick one daughter out of a room that’s she’s living in order to host another who lives nearby.”
“Especially without Asking In Advance of the Offer.” ~ 2dogslife
“You’re being too kind to OP, parents mishandled the situation, but OP think cancer and divorce are the same is wrong.”
“Not invalidating, but cancer is way worse than divorce.”
“There are certain life experiences that are worse or better than other life experiences, and having cancer is amongst the worst experiences.” ~ dystopianpirate
“I was going to agree with your E S H vote, but then I started reading OP’s comments… and WT actually F?!!”
“OP is definitely jealous of her sister, who is battling cancer.”
“And not in remission as she first mentioned in the Original post, but that the treatment is currently stopped BECAUSE IT WASN’T WORKING!”
“She also doesn’t ‘understand’ why her mum invited the SIS…”
“Oh, I don’t known perhaps BECAUSE SHE IS FIGHTING CANCER and mum wanted the whole family to spend some time together?!!”
“I mean, I have a disability that causes some serious back-issues (tethered cord syndrome amongst others).”
“But good God I would be switching to the couch/ sleeping sofa in no-time if my sibling who is battling cancer(!!!)”
“And who’s current treatment sadly isn’t working, was invited to stay over for an effing couple of days!”
“OP’s mum is being a mum who is confronted with a huge possibility of losing one of her daughters to cancer.”
“OP on the other hand, is just jealous because since the cancer-diagnose Sis is getting ‘more attention.'”
“Guess what OP, the harsh reality is, and I so hope that the next treatment will catch that darn cancer.”
“But the chances of that are significantly lower.”
‘That you will end up getting all attention if your sister’s cancer isn’t reacting to any treatment and she passes away. YTA!!!” ~ AhniJeta
OP needed to clarify and chat….
“ETA: there’s some confusion in comments.”
“By ‘rent,’I pay for groceries, water, electricity, I cook and clean for myself.”
“I offered more money but parents wouldn’t accept it.”
“1) Mom called Anne to come over…”
“2) I was told to move out of the room the day Anne came over…”
“3) I snapped when they wouldn’t stop insisting I move out, Anne was there and she overheard this…”
“Anne has a partner who has supported her through everything.”
“So she also gets support from him whereas I’m divorced, so I don’t have that support either.”
“Yes, I get you have problems, but you’re awfully dismissive of Anne’s problems.”
“And I would say that your problems pale in comparison to hers, considering hers are potentially life-threatening.”
“I can’t fathom why you couldn’t just suck it up for a few days for your sister with cancer.”
“Frankly, you complain that they are babying Anne, but it sounds like you’re the one who wants to be babied.”
“It may be time for you to move out.”
“I have a feeling that mom and step-dad are starting to think you’re overstaying your welcome.” ~ RighteousVengeance
“YTA. You are choosing to pay rent – they didn’t ask for it – in face they told you not to.”
“Yes, you are going through a hard time, but your parents are also facing the potential possibility that your sister will die.”
“Of course they want to see her and have her around after such a scare.”
“You’re 32, and you need to act like it.”
“You are making complaints like your mom forgot to pick up a cake because your sister was having an allergic reaction, and your sister needs the bed because she had major surgery.”
“Like… those are valid reasons and you should allow them. “
“I get that you’re having a crap time and you feel like people who love you don’t care.”
“And I have sympathy for you, but you demanding you come first is very much like screaming about a Band-Aid when you have a paper cut.”
“And demanding to be seen first when your sister is haemorrhaging on the floor.”
“I’m sorry you’re in this situation OP but you are very much TA.” ~ pikasafire
OP needed to come back…
“ETA 2: I mentioned this in a comment but people still seem confused/want me to add it here.”
“Anne told mom that her last treatment didn’t work and the cancer may be coming back.”
“I said remission because it may be a false alarm and she’s in between treatments, not actively seeking any.”
“Also made a comment that Anne may not be telling the truth and people jumped on me.”
“Okay, maybe it was a bit harsh but here’s my side – Anne told me she is doing fine. “
“However, she tells mom and also she told dad that treatment didn’t work, etc.”
“She told me one thing but is telling others something else.”
Well this is a mess.
OP, you have quite the situation.
Clearly Reddit has taken a stand.
Hopefully you and the fam can fix all of this.
Life is too short.
That lesson is hitting close to home.