Parents never stop worrying about their children.
Even when they are fully grown adults, with their own jobs and homes, parent’s will still worry that their children are safe and happy.
Most parents accept that their children aren’t children anymore, and give them the space they need.
Some parents, however, have trouble letting go, and feel the need to check in on their children every waking moment.
Redditor Diz_Savvy had flown the coop, and was living a life with her husband.
However, the original poster (OP) was alarmed to learn that her parents were less than enthusiastic about her life away from home.
Leading the OP to make some drastic changes to her dynamic with her parents.
A move that did not sit well with her parents one bit.
Having doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for removing all phone tracking from my parents who keep using it to see my location for non emergencies?”
The OP explained why she felt some distance was needed between her parents and herself:
“Here’s the situation.”
“I (24 F[emale]) am married and live in a different state than my parents.”
“I’ve had iPhones ‘find my friends’ app since I had a phone at 12 years old that my parents set up.”
“When I got married, my husband found it strange that my parents could see my location once we moved out but I just figured they would want it on for safety.”
“Come two years later… my brother (21) who still lives with my parents gives me a heads up that my parents were judging my actions based on my location.”
“I figured it would be a good time to remove that app anyways and thus, deleted their ability to see my location.”
“This blew up into a whole situation where my parents are now saying that it was providing them comfort and safety to know where I was and it was just a ‘mishap’ and bad day for them.”
“Additionally, my dad decided to retaliate and remove my access from all streaming services he paid for and threatened to remove my brother from the wifi for tattling as well.”
“My husband has never heard of parents seeing their kids location once they’ve moved out but my parents seem to think it’s the end of the world.”
“Just wanted to get other people’s thoughts.”
“AITA for removing them from seeing my location?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole from preventing her parents from tracking her location.
Everyone agreed, however, that the OP needed to do much more than delete the “find my friends” feature from her phone, as her parents reaction indicated that they seemed unsettlingly controlling towards both the OP and her brother:
“NTA.”
“Even when you were under the impression that the tracking feature would only be used for strictly safety-related reasons, you had every right to stop using it because you’re an adult with a right to make your own choices.”
“Once it became clear that your parents were using the app to just kind of judge your life, any remaining reason you may have had to keep it switched on went out of the window.”
“Keep it as it is and don’t look back.”- BanterPhobic
“NTA.”
“You are an adult and your parents are using this information inappropriately.”
“This is a perfect natural consequence for them to face.”
“If you get retaliatory responses, well that sucks but again – see ‘you’re an adult’.”
“Start paying for your own services.”
“If your parents are going to be this transactional and demand inappropriate access to you by holding things like paying for streaming services over your head, it’s pretty unhealthy, but it’s their prerogative and you should be independent in this way by now anyway, seeing that you are married and live independently.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“This has control freak written all over it.”
“That they got mad and retaliated, proves that they are angry at you for taking their control away.”
“You did the right thing.”
“You have a good brother.”- SliceEquivalent825
“NTA.”
“And your father’s retaliations prove that it’s not just a safety/comfort thing for them but a control thing.”- Ok-Position7403
“NTA.”
“No, it’s weird to have constant location of your grown adult daughter who’s married.”
“I can sort of see it if you were single living alone so that they could confirm you were OK.”
“But you have a husband who presumably can do that.”
“Just note, your dad is not an AH for removing you from a streaming services that he pays for.”
“Part of being a grown adult is paying for your own sh*t.”
“He (and you mom) are the AH for throwing a temper tantrum like a four-year-old about not being able to constantly survey you.”- PracticalPrimrose
“NTA.”
“You saw this as a safety feature, your parents saw it as a way to spy on you and judge you.”
“They don’t need this access, they just want it.”
“If you want to share your location with someone for safety reasons, do so with your husband.”
“The reaction to removing their access actually proves this isn’t about your safety or even their peace of mind.”
“They jumped straight to cutting off your access to streaming services and your brother’s access to WiFi.”
“This is a control thing – do it my way or we punish you.”
“I think paying for your own streaming services is a cheap price to pay to have full control and no judgment.”
“You’re an adult, married and living completely independently in a different state.”
“You should be paying for your own streaming services anyway, to be honest.”
“Your brother is also an adult, he can move out if he wants to.”
“It’s not your fault if your parents remove his access to the WiFi, nor his, it’s your parents being controlling.”
“You’re both adults now, you don’t need this type of thing from your parents, nor is insisting on it in this way in any way healthy.”
“Most parents either don’t track their adult kids, or actually only have access for safety reasons.”
“Checking in just to judge you based on a location you could just be passing through is not normal.”- WhiteKnightPrimal
“Parent here.”
“At one point, my daughter wanted to switch from iPhone to Samsung, therefore we were not able to track her location anymore.”
“We respected her decision.”
“She was 14 at that time.”
“It’s part of the process of growing up, and we as parents need to grow with her.”
“Your parents are reacting very immature here.”
“Do they want to have a connection with you?”
“They could set up phone calls (in reasonable intervals, and reasonable duration), or plan a day trip with you.”
“Or: Do they want to stalk you, feeling entitled to know your whereabouts?”
“They need to grow up.”
“From what you describe, it’s the latter.”
“NTA.”- NotAtTreeHouse
“NTA.”
“Removing the ‘find my friends’ App was a Declaration of Independence.”
“As an adult, married, woman there isn’t any need for your parents to track you.”
“That they reacted so negatively to you removing the App says a lot about what they think and their disrespect of you.”
“Stick to your decision.”
“They will eventually get the message that you run your own life.”- LolaSupreme19
“NTA.”
“Sounds like your parents still want to control you – a full grown married adult.”
“Paying for your own streaming services is worth it to cut that cord.”- Tranqup
“NTA.”
“Your life to live as you please.”
“My mom did something similar when I was in college.”
“Blew a gasket when I changed the password to my internet banking account and had a bad knee-jerk reaction.”
“I didn’t say a word to her for at least 6 months after that incident.”
“Guess who spent those 6 months crying.”- RedRunner04
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone for opening her eyes to how unusual her situation with her parents was and clarifying how she truly felt about potentially losing free streaming services:
“Thank you all for the advice and thoughts! “
“I originally posted as I’ve heard of other families sharing location as adults so I felt like the odd one out for not wanting this however you guys have helped me realize this is NOT normal.”
“Additionally I want to make mention that I am completely fine paying for my own streaming services (and already pay for the ones that don’t allow sharing on my own).”
“This is the ONLY thing my parents had been providing financially.”
“I brought it up as a point of their reaction to help provide context of the situation.”
No one can stop parents from worrying about their children.
However, there comes a point in their child’s lives when they are ultimately responsible for their life choices, and deserve privacy and a life their parents might not be completely aware of.
In the OP’s case, it seemed her safety was not their primary reason for tracking her.
Making it all the more necessary for the OP to need a little extra space…