No one needs to be reminded that parenting is no easy undertaking. From the day they’re born, children require nonstop attention in each and every area of their lives.
But a parent will always tell you the joy and love far outweigh the work.
Of course, when the effort seems overwhelming, they could always just give their child up for adoption, right?
A single mom on Reddit is furious that her parents suggested she give up her autistic son for adoption because he’s “too much of a burden,” so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
The Redditor asked:
“AITA for cutting off my parents after they pressured me to give up my autistic son for adoption?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32/Female]) am a single mom to my 7-year-old son who is on the autism spectrum.”
“He’s everything to me.”
“I’ve been raising him mostly on my own since my divorce 3 years ago.”
“My ex and I tried to make it work, but the stress of raising a special needs child took a toll, and he bailed.”
“Now it’s just me and my son, and while it’s not always easy, I wouldn’t trade him for the world.”
“But my parents… well, they don’t see it that way.”
“Ever since my son’s diagnosis, they’ve made these comments, always implying that he’s too much for me to handle.”
“At first, it was more subtle—stuff like, “‘you need a break’ or ‘He must be exhausting.'”
“But recently, it’s gotten worse.”
“They’ve flat-out suggested I should consider putting him up for adoption because, according to them, he’s ‘too much of a burden.'”
“The first time they said it, I was in shock.”
“I didn’t even know how to respond.”
“I love my son with every part of me, and the idea that they think he’s disposable or a problem to be solved with adoption made me sick to my stomach.”
“I tried to explain to them how hurtful that was, but they wouldn’t stop bringing it up.”
“Every time we talk, they hint that I’m making things harder for myself by keeping him.”
“They’ve said things like, ‘You’re still young, you could have another chance at a normal life,’ as if my son isn’t my life already.”
“It came to a head a couple of weeks ago when they actually sat me down and said that they’d done some ‘research’ on homes for special needs kids and how he could ‘get better care’ somewhere else.”
“They even said it would be ‘better for everyone’ if I gave him up.”
“Like, who even says that?”
“I completely lost it.”
“I told them they were cruel and heartless and that if they couldn’t accept my son as part of our family, then they weren’t part of our lives anymore.”
“Since then, I’ve cut off all contact with them.”
“My phone’s been blowing up with texts from my parents, and now other family members too, saying I’m overreacting and that they were ‘just trying to help.'”
“They’re telling people I’m being ungrateful and that I should think about how hard it is for them to see me struggling.”
“Some relatives have even said I should ‘forgive them’ because they’re my parents, and they only want what’s best for me.”
“But I can’t get past the things they said.”
“My son isn’t a burden, and he definitely isn’t something to be ‘given up’ because life’s a little harder with him around.”
“He’s my son. My whole world.”
“So now I’m questioning myself.”
“Am I being too harsh? Should I give them another chance because they’re family?”
“Or am I right to cut them off after what they said?”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly decided that OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“You are NTA.”
“Your parents’ suggestion to give up your son is unacceptable.”
“Your child’s well-being is your priority, and you’re right to defend him.” – Angelx_Baby
“You are not the AH!!!”
“Your parents are the AH, and all others who say otherwise.”
“Keep your head up and take good care of your child. That is the most important thing!!!” – Candid_Process1831
“NTA.”
“I really hope you don’t mind some unsolicited feedback/advice from someone on the spectrum… “
“I really struggled as a kid because I didn’t get any support or even a diagnosis because of the ‘label.’ I truly hope that despite the a**holes, you will stay open-minded to support and help from the people that actually care and want to help.”
“Support groups, taking classes, reading books, etc. Making sure your child gets socialized.”
“Something about half of autistic people are also LGBTQ, and ADHD is also common, so it is a really good idea to be aware of general things like that.”
“I can’t imagine how much better my life would have been if I had just one parent like you that accepted my diagnosis and did their best to support me and grow” – SRegalitarian
“As an autistic person, I appreciate the fact we’re not ‘easy,’ but we’re still human beings.”
You don’t rehome a kid cos he’s different.”
“I wouldn’t speak to them either.”
“My grandparents were sh*tty about my cousin, who’s autistic but very high support needs when he was little.”
“His parents were told he wouldn’t ever be able to use the bathroom or speak.”
“So they got him into a special treatment school where the teachers were one-on-one, and he thrived.”
“He’s now a grown man, who is, by all accounts, a sweet funny young man, who CAN use the bathroom and CAN talk to people just fine now.”
“He still obviously needs help in other areas, but he can do the things they did he wouldn’t ever do.”
“My grandmother turned to me one day and was talking about him.”
“I said how proud I am of how he’s grown and been able to overcome so much.”
“She just fitted and said, ‘well he’ll never be normal will he?'”
“And that’s when I knew I would be rested the same way if I told her I was autistic too.”
“I realised that no matter what he did, no matter what he overcame, she saw him as defective.”
“He’s such an amazing human, and that’s not enough.”
“Luckily he lives an ocean away and doesn’t have to handle that type of disrespect from his own family.”
“So no you’re not an a**hole. You love your son, you want him in your life.”
“You don’t see him as defective. He’s yours, and that’s all that matters.”
“Loving your kid is the best thing you can do, and protecting them comes in as a close second.”
“Don’t let him hear this sh*t, keep them away.”
“If they don’t see him as family, and want to give him away, then they don’t need to be in his life.” – thebearofwisdom
“NTA.”
“The only thing I’d be texting those family members back about your parents’ ‘help’ is “You’re right.'”
“‘They taught me the importance of having a burden-free life, and I took their lesson to heart and cut out the dead weight.'”
“‘My son and I are happier for it.'”
“‘Keep on, and I may decide my family tree needs a little more pruning.'”
“They’ve proven they’re not family.”
“They’re just blood relations. F**k ’em.” – Panaccolade
“NTA. Keep being Mama Bear around those people.”
“They are not there to support you.”
“However look for programs or therapy to help his life.”
“Support is a great thing. Unfortunately, your parents don’t get what that is.”
“You’re a good Mom!”
“If you want to be petty- send them nursing home brochures because it is too hard for them being old and all.” – laughter_corgis
“NTA. Your parents are definitely the a**holes here.”
“It’s extremely hurtful and disrespectful for them to suggest you give up your son for adoption just because he has a disability.”
“Your job as a parent is to love and support your child, not discard them when things get tough.”
“You are doing an amazing job, and don’t let anyone make you doubt that.”
“Your son is lucky to have such a strong and loving mom.”
“Keep standing up for what’s right and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it.” – chewycocochip
“NTA. Anyone who makes that kind of suggestion for their grandchild does not deserve any contact or consideration.”
“Parents have been dealing with autistic children forever.”
“Most, like you, love and nourish them with no regrets for the effort it takes.”
“A few can’t handle the strain, and I don’t denigrate them, either.”
“Thank you for raising your child with love and care.”
“Don’t be afraid to ask (anyone but your parents) for assistance when you need it.”
“If you haven’t already joined, ,there are numerous support groups you can join, some in person, and some virtual.” – Accomplished-Emu-591
“NTA. it’s one thing to suggest it ONCE, but to keep going on about after being shut down repeatedly is f**ked up.”
“They want a hallmark family so bad that they are willing to abandon their current grandchild, how sad and awful.” – JadJad83
According to her fellow Redditors, OP has every right to be furious with her parents. Hopefully she can take some of their comments to heart and know she is doing an excellent job of raising her son.