Food allergies are one of those concerns that more and more people are becoming aware are a serious issue and a fairly widespread one.
But the key component to safe eating and serving is allergy sufferers being communicative about their allergies and their needs, not assuming that others will just “know” how to cater to them, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor JetPlane_88 was on a flight where they were seated next to a woman with a nut allergy, but after conversing with her, it didn’t seem to be a serious allergy.
To be safe, the Original Poster (OP) ate a package of peanuts at the back of the plane away from the woman, so they were surprised when the woman proceeded to complain about her compromised safety.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for eating nuts next to someone with an allergy on a plane?”
The passenger seated next to the OP did not clearly communicate her nut allergy.
“I had a bizarre situation today. I was flying from Hawaii to Florida. The stewards were walking around giving out mixed nuts.”
“The woman seated next to me said to the flight attendants that she didn’t want any because she is allergic to nuts and that there should’ve been a note in their system regarding not serving her nuts.”
“The attendant said in the survey she’d filled out for the airline regarding her allergy that she had not indicated that it was an airborne allergy and only checked that she couldn’t ingest nuts.”
“She stated they still shouldn’t have served them, and she shouldn’t need to be that specific.”
“The attendants asked her if we needed to make an emergency landing or if she required medical attention. She said no.”
The OP still ate the mixed nuts but kept their distance from the other passenger.
“The woman asked me if I could not eat the mixed nuts.”
“Everyone around us had an open plastic cup of mixed nuts. I told her I wasn’t sure how my eating them or not would help her in this situation.”
“She said it was just a courtesy.”
“I told her (truthfully) I hadn’t eaten at all yet and needed to have something in my stomach to take a medication. I asked her if I could go to the back of the plane to eat the nuts, then come back.”
“She sort of rolled her eyes but said this was fine.”
The OP was surprised when the woman complained about him to the flight attendants.
“When I came back, she was complaining to the flight attendants about me and asking to be moved, specifically using the term ‘that a**hole.'”
“I feel bad that I didn’t handle the situation better.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that they had done everything they could to make this convenient.
“The attendants know which one of you is the real a**hole. Don’t sweat it.” – Myis
“You had the courtesy to eat in the back of the plane, you were thoughtful, and the woman was being unappreciative. Perhaps the woman was just having a bad day and took it out on you. Not the a**hole.” – Background_Cry3592
“The woman was being more than unappreciative. She was being flat-out rude. You don’t get to call someone names that’s going out of their way to make you happy when they didn’t have to, and I definitely wouldn’t have. NTA.” – what_cb
“NTA. The attendant asked her. She said it was fine. She was given the opportunity to escalate the situation if it were truly dangerous, and she chose not to.”
“You even offered a compromise by eating elsewhere, which was considerate given your own need to take medication.”
“It’s fair to ask for courtesy, but not fair to expect people to prioritize your preferences over their medical needs, especially when there’s no imminent risk.” – LogAffectionate3458
“NTA. You were kind in moving to eat the nuts. If it was a serious airborne allergy, then firstly, why the h**l didn’t she tell the airline, and secondly, why the h**l were you the only one she kicked off about when everyone else around her were also eating them.” – Different_Guess_5407
“This comes across less as anxiety and more as her using the allergy to get attention/special treatment, specifically the ‘I shouldn’t need to be that specific’ line. She doesn’t get to get pissy about not receiving accommodations when she couldn’t be bothered to clarify what those accommodations were in the first place.”
“And then there’s this part: ‘I told her (truthfully) I hadn’t eaten at all yet and needed to have something in my stomach to take a medication. I asked her if I could go to the back of the plane to eat the nuts, then come back. She sort of rolled her eyes but said this was fine.'”
“Why should her medical needs be taken into account but not OP’s? OP went out of her way to accommodate this woman when she didn’t need to, and yet said woman still had the gall to act like she was the wronged party.” – WolfofMandalore2010
Others agreed and pointed out that the woman had agreed she’d be fine around the peanuts.
“If she had been someone with an airborne allergy, she should have disclosed it when purchasing her ticket, again when she checked in, again at the gate, gotten on early to wipe things down, and spoken with the flight attendants, and she should have worn a mask.”
“Her not doing any of those things preemptively and proactively tells me it’s probably not airborne. Because someone with allergies taking a long flight over water with fewer options to land would take that sh*t very seriously!”
“It’s not her fault she has an allergy, but she can’t expect people to read her mind or just look at her and put their peanuts away… You have to communicate and advocate for yourself.” – ElectricalAd3421
“My son is anaphylactic. I’m less concerned about people eating the food and more concerned about them not thoroughly washing their hands. He can have reactions from surfaces that have been touched by someone who has previously touched hazelnuts.”
“The woman shouldn’t have taken it out on OP, but the stress and fear that anaphylaxis brings is real. It was good of OP to eat them away from her.”
“In my opinion, the woman should have been more concerned for her own health by making sure she had checked all the boxes when filling out the info. She seemed super dismissive of that when the flight attendant asked. I’ve known several people with allergies and they are always hyper aware of them and remind/tell anyone in their path (understandably).” – bitofapuzzler
“I have a son with a peanut allergy, and I looked up all of the peanut-friendly airlines and what you can do and stuff like that, just in case, but we never flew with him when he was little when it was bad. His IgE was over nine. He still has the allergy, but it’s not nearly as bad now (IgE is under three), and he knows how to take precautions better, so we would totally fly with him if we needed to now, and I wouldn’t even bother asking for accommodations.”
“We found out he had the allergy when he was three, and the first time he flew after that was without me for a school trip when he was 14. I packed him some wipes and told him to wipe down all the hard surfaces in his area as soon as he got in his seat. Obviously, he knows not to eat other people‘s food at this age.”
“I mention all of this, because it sounds like my 14-year-old is being equipped, more mindful, more proactive, and more mature about his allergies than this woman is. If her allergies are serious, people should take it seriously, but that begins with the WOMAN taking HER OWN allergies seriously FIRST before she can expect anyone else to. NTA.” – Temporary_Nail_6468
“I would have offered to wrap her completely in plastic to make sure she was not affected by the entire plane breathing peanut air.”
“This is why I don’t fly. While I respect that people have allergies, often severe, if they are that ‘severe’ that you can’t even sit next to a peanut, maybe don’t take a plane where they serve them or get a seat by yourself in first class or something.” – Feisty-Tooth-7397
“Airborne nut allergies can be triggered by particles on someone’s breath and hands. If it were a life or death situation, I’d say OP was the a**hole for breathing death particles into the woman’s airspace.”
“If that were the case, of course, the woman’s negligence would be a huge problem, and plenty of it would be her fault, of course, but I simply don’t believe some clerical negligence warrants death.”
“The part I’m ruling on here is if OP is the a**hole for still eating them. The rest is relevant, but it’s not the question at hand. IF it would’ve killed her, then yes, OP would be the a**hole for saying, ‘Well, you should’ve taken precautions.'”
“Luckily, that’s not what happened. Instead, she said it was fine and only complained when the OP took her up on the offer. NTA.” – holderofthebees
“She said it was fine, and it wasn’t an airborne allergy for her.”
“Even if it was airborne, OP still wouldn’t be the a**hole. If that lady had a serious airborne allergy, she needed to do a lot more prep work to make sure she could be accommodated through flying. She should have been making calls, making sure the airline knew it was an issue, and not just assuming they would take care of it without her saying anything.”
“If she confirmed she could even get on a nut-free flight, then it would be the airline’s fault, not any of the passengers’.”
“The lady could have put a mask on and moved to the back of the plane. The lady had people with open containers of nuts in front of and behind her. People on the last flight probably ate nuts in the very seat she was now in, and nobody wiped it up.”
“There could be oils and residue on the seat, the armrests, the tray table, the seatbelt buckle. OP eating next to her would not change the circumstances in any significant way.”
“This lady is a person who likes to inconvenience other people, and to get her way through complaining. She could have whipped out an N95 and gone to wait in the back of the plane for everyone to finish, to keep herself safe, but she chose to make it everyone else’s fault and an inconvenience when really her safety is her own responsibility.”
“She probably spent her whole life being accommodated by kind people like OP, but instead of being thankful and paying forward kindness, it has just fueled her ego and entitlement.” – Roryab007
Food allergies, especially those that can lead to anaphylactic shock, should be taken incredibly seriously, but the responsibility begins with the allergy sufferer, not the people around them.
The woman had the opportunity to communicate her needs for her allergy, both on paper and in live conversation, and it was only when the passenger seated next to her decided to eat nuts that she began to complain.
If it was going to be that big of a problem, she should have been proactive about it, not loudly retroactive.