Gender reveal parties can be stress-inducing.
Everyone is crazed about the big “REVEAL!”
And then there is the reveal aftermath.
Not everybody is happy with the results.
Redditor AITA-babysexguess wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for correctly guessing my friend’s baby’s sex?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Over the weekend, my wife (38 F[emale]) and I (39 [Male]) went to our friend’s ‘gender reveal.'”
“For background information, our friend already has 2 boys, and she told my wife that she is hoping for a girl this time.”
“In the car on the way there, my wife asked me what gender I thought the baby would be.”
“I said that given that the sex ratio at birth is about 105 boys for every 100 girls, my guess is that this child would be a boy.”
“My wife said that given our friends had 2 boys already, that surely there would be more chance of a girl this time.”
“I replied that the 2 boys were not relevant to the sex of the child our friends were expecting and that there was still about a 51% chance this child would be a boy.”
“At the ‘gender reveal,’ it was announced that this child would also be a boy.”
“Although our friend tried to appear happy at the party, it was clear that she was disappointed that this child would not be a girl.”
“My wife also appeared to be disappointed as well.”
“On the drive back home, my wife got angry with me and said that I ‘could have been more supportive’ and that I ‘shouldn’t have been so mathematical’ with my guess about the baby’s sex.”
“Edited to add: ‘Could have been supportive’ referred to my guess that the child would be a boy and my reasoning for that guess.”
“I told her that my response to the questions she asked me was perfectly reasonable.”
“She didn’t like that and stayed quiet for the rest of the drive home.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“The wife wasn’t looking for a lesson in probability or birth-rate statistics.”
“She was just trying to be positive and support her friend and knew that she really desired a girl.”
“The question was just interpreted differently by each of them.”
“OP was focusing on logic and statistics while his wife was focusing on bringing good vibes and feelings and supporting a friend.”
“I think people in this thread are WAY too stuck on the idea that the wife thinks that OP actually affected the outcome.”
“She’s just sharing in the disappointment of her friend and isn’t happy that OP didn’t pick up on her intentions.”
“He’s NTA since he didn’t act maliciously in his answer, but there’s no mystery to be solved here.”
“It’s painfully straightforward.” ~ SamSmitty
“When your wife said you ‘could have been more supportive’ did she mean supportive of her and her guessing game or more supportive of the mom-to-be who is disappointed in her child’s chromosomes?”
“Either way, NTA.”
“You answered the question you were asked in a normal way.”
“Edit: You were effectively asked whether you think a coin flip will land on heads or tails and answered that statistically, it was slightly more likely to land heads.”
“Your wife said because it had been heads twice before, it must have a higher heads chance now, and you confirmed that it doesn’t work that way*
“Technically, having two boys already would very slightly increase the chances their next child is also a boy since some genetic factors can lead some people to have more boys and some to have more girls, and having two boys already very slightly increases the chances they’re in the ‘more boys’ group.”
“But realistically the conditional change in probability after only two boys isn’t meaningful.” ~ hatterson
“The wife wasn’t asking what he HOPED the outcome would be. She was asking what he thought it WOULD ACTUALLY BE!”
“And that, unfortunately, only comes down to probability or birth rate statistics.”
“He answered the question, as asked.”
“Her being disappointed is fine.”
“Her being pissy at him about it is silly and childish.”
“Since I haven’t voted yet, NTA, for OP.” ~ LeviathanLorb44
“NTA. You answered the damn question you were asked.”
“Your wife wanted you to participate in magical thinking, not give an honest answer. “
“You gave a factual answer and didn’t announce it at the party or rain on anyone’s parade.”
“You simply answered your wife’s direct question with your genuine thought process.”
“Your prediction didn’t cause the baby’s sex for f*ck’s sake it just acknowledged reality.”
“The problem isn’t your mathematics it’s that people sometimes want comfort more than truth.”
“This isn’t on you it’s just misdirected emotion.” ~ Arorua_Mendes
“NTA – Eh?”
“No matter what you said, it wouldn’t have changed the sex of the baby.”
“I have no idea what ‘being supportive’ would’ve done to help the situation.”
“You said this to your wife, not the friend.”
“You weren’t rubbing anything in her face or sh*tting on what she was hoping for.”
“You had a private conversation with your wife.”
“I guess your wife is just lashing out and taking out the disappointment on you?”
“So I wouldn’t take it personally, but once a little time has passed she can get some perspective on this.”
“I’d revisit this with her and ask why she needed to take this out on you.” ~ CrimsonKnight_004
“Just to add that actually the sex of the previous kids is relevant, it is not a 50% chance to get a boy or a girl.”
“Some men are more likely to get boys, and some men are more likely to get girls and will have odds of, for instance, 70%-30% depending on their sperm, and if someone already has many boys it is an indicator that the man probably has a higher chance to produce boys and statically another boy is more likely.” ~ Marzi_R0s3
“NTA. Your wife asked you what you thought, and you told her.”
“She asked you why, and you told her.”
“People need to stop asking questions they don’t want the answers to.” ~ KrofftSurvivor
“Sounds like she asked ‘What do you predict,’ but what she really meant was ‘What do you hope it will be.'”
“NTA for not reading her mind.” ~ Snurgisdr
“NTA. Not gonna lie, this sounds like a proxy issue for something else.”
“Your wife’s response was ridiculous, but it may not be a bad idea to check in on her and make sure something else isn’t a thorn in her side that caused her to react this strongly to this.” ~ sarahkazz
“What I read between the lines was that she expected a more emotion-based answer and maybe playfulness, not rational (cold) prediction.”
“That’s how my pre-therapy self would have thought, lol.”
“I have a husband who is extremely rational and fact-based, and before we (and I) got therapy and were able to express our needs more efficiently, there were definitely issues with him not taking part in my future planning and daydreaming which cumulated over time and might have caused a similar reaction from me.”
“So def NTA but check in and see what’s bugging her.” ~ FuzzyPeachDong
“Sooooo, this is one of those fights I suspect is not about the topic at hand but a bigger communication issue.”
“There was nothing incorrect about what you said- but as someone who is myself married to someone who is a logical thinker to a fault- sometimes you gotta read the room, my friend.”
“Your wife was perhaps wanting more a hopes and dreams conversation, not a biology lecture on gametes.”
“My husband and I have solved this with some communication around the issue, and some friendly jokes -autism conversational safe words if you, where I can alert him when it’s a bit much at the moment.”
“So NTA sort of.”
“But maybe talk to your spouse.” ~ CSnarf
“NTA, that kinda crazy behavior. All you did was answer any question you were asked, and it’s not like it was at the party. It was in the car with your wife.”
“Maybe wife was upset about something else, so just give her time to cool off, but if she brings it up again after that, then a conversation needs to be had about what’s wrong.” ~ BeanBag2004
“NTA. This is a completely silly argument.”
“Also, for what it’s worth, neither of your logics are quite right.”
“A baby’s sex is determined by the chromosomes transmitted by the sperm.”
“To have a girl, the sperm must transmit an X chromosome.”
“To have a boy, the sperm must transmit a Y chromosome.”
“However, a given father’s sperm will not always proportionally express X and Y chromosomes.”
“Some men, like the father of this child, are Y dominant.”
“This means the odds of having a boy are much higher than 51%.”
“Others are X dominant, and others are balanced.”
“So the actual math here depends on the composition of this particular guy’s sperm.” ~ Fit-Ad-7276
“NTA – What a silly thing to get upset over.” ~ TheBufman
“NTA… I can understand wanting a boy or a girl.”
“What I can’t understand is parents who act like it’s the end of the world or that they were so openly disappointed that others feel they have to be supportive.”
“I don’t have kids but if I was about to become a father, I’d be happy either way as long as the baby was healthy.”
“I really couldn’t care less about gender, especially to the point of being visibly upset at a gender reveal.”
“I also think OP did nothing wrong here. He was asked, he gave his honest opinion and his wife is giving him shite because he was right and she wanted support.”
“Why on earth should she need support or be made at her husband?”
“I really really don’t understand what OP’s wife is starting trouble for over something that has zero effect on them and their relationship.” ~ TheDarkHelmet1985
“That’s weird… You were asked to guess, and you guessed, your guessing it was a boy had no bearing on the fact that it is a boy.”
“Unless you ran around the party shouting ‘I guessed it was a boy, take that suckers!’ or something odd like that, I don’t even get the complaint. NTA.”
“Your wife shouldn’t ask you to guess if she didn’t want you to guess.” ~ Swimming_Possible_68
“I don’t know something feels iffy and I get the feeling maybe this lacks a bit of context.”
“If it truly is just this interaction you’d be NTA because you were asked and you answered accordingly.”
“I’d be curious why your wife responded so negatively about you being correct.”
“I’m not trying to go the Reddit route and interpret way more into this little interaction, but I would recommend maybe asking in an open and well-meaning way what may have made her upset.”
“As for now. NTA.” ~ Spontaneous_Ferret
“She’s disappointed and trying to find a place to put that disappointment.”
“Potentially, she sees that you’re not emotionally affected by it (I’m not sure why you would be), and that’s setting her off as well.”
“NTA. You didn’t magically make their child a boy.”
“Some people feel sad over hoping for one gender and getting another but that doesn’t give anyone a right to point fingers at you.” ~ Comfortable_Gas_4201
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your wife’s anger makes no sense.
You didn’t say it to the parents.
You answered a simple, private question.
Hopefully, she’ll move past it quickly.
Good luck.