Ending a relationship is never easy.
Sometimes, however, ending a relationship can be downright inconvenient.
As you may have made plans with your partner that you now either have to cancel, delay, or find a replacement.
More often than not, costing one or both halves of the couple a considerable amount of money.
Redditor ptothedubs recently ended a new relationship.
Prior to the breakup, the original poster (OP) had made rather expensive plans with her now ex-boyfriend.
While the OP was willing to reimburse her ex up to a certain point, she found herself more than a little surprised to learn that he expected more than that.
Concerned she may have been short-changing her ex, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not paying for a wedding I’m not attending?”
The OP explained why the OP was less than willing to pay her ex-boyfriend what he thought he was owed:
“I (30 F[emale]) started a relationship with Joe (31 M[ale]) in the middle of May of this year.”
“Shortly after we started going out, he asked me to be a plus-one to his friend Meg’s wedding.”
“I have never met Meg, but I agreed to go.”
“We RSVP’d, and Joe booked plane tickets and a hotel room.”
“A couple days ago, I ended the relationship with Joe.”
“It’s important to note that while money was not the main reason for the breakup, it was one of the things we argued about most.”
“I am very frugal (perhaps to a fault), and Joe likes to spend money on creature comforts and trips, and often expects me to do the same.”
“Joe lives at home rent free, while I have my own apartment.”
“I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, with a small stash set aside in savings.”
“There’s still about five weeks left to the wedding.”
“I ended the relationship when I did partly because I didn’t want to be in the pictures from the wedding and cause people to feel bad when they looked back at those pictures.”
“I am returning everything Joe left in my apartment, save a few things he was okay with me keeping.”
“I also offered to pay for my plane ticket and my half of the hotel stay as a good-faith gesture.”
“It comes to over $400, which is just about everything I have in savings.”
“Today, Joe contacted me and asked if I could pay another $125 on top of all of that to offset Meg’s costs for my plate and everything at the reception.”
“He says it’s so close to the wedding and since deposits have gone to vendors, I should pay my portion.”
“I think that more than a month’s notice is ample time for Meg to either fill the seat or for Joe to find another plus-one, who would also be benefitting from my paying half of the hotel stay.”
“I also think that since I wouldn’t pay that money if I was attending, then I shouldn’t have to pay now that I’m not.”
“It’s my understanding that people not going to weddings after they RSVP is just one of those costs that’s inevitable, and I’m at least doing Meg the courtesy of giving over a month’s notice.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to pay for what would have been her meal at Meg’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that cancelling with over a month’s notice was more than enough time to cancel going to a wedding, with many agreeing the ONLY thing the OP should pay Joe is for her flight, if even that:
“NTA, Joe’s scamming you.”
“I got married last year and vendors required a final tally like…two or three weeks in advance, not more than a month out.”
“If Joe is truly worried about offsetting Meg’s costs, he’ll let her know that you’re not coming and she’ll just adjust her spreadsheets, no big deal.”- No_Preparation_8975
“NTA.”
“You should pay for the cost of your flight and nothing more.”
“This fellow will still need the hotel room and the bride and groom absolutely can remove you from the count.”
“You dated this man for all of 12 minutes.”
“When he decided to invite a brand new girlfriend to a wedding, he knew that he was taking a chance that it would not work out.”- EmceeSuzy
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t pay the $400, either.”
“The plane ticket, sure, that’s in your name.”
“But with five weeks, he could certainly change the hotel if he can’t afford it all on his own.”-False_Appointment_24
“You’re NTA and I cynical enough to go out on a limb and say this request for cash is coming from Joe, for the benefit of Joe, not from Meg.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“Who booked the flight?”
“If Joe booked the flight, reimburse him for that only.”
“If you booked your own flight, contact the airline about a reimbursement or credit for a future flight with that carrier.”
“He still needs the hotel room to sleep in.”
“There is no reason to pay for it.”
“He’s scamming you regarding the rest of the money that he claims is ‘for Meg’.”
“She has time to modify her final count for the caterer.”
“Give him money for the flight only and block him.”- Rendeane
“NTA.”
“A month’s notice was enough time for Joe to find another plus one or for the couple to extend the invite to someone else.”
“You’ve been more than fair offering to still pay for your half of the hotel room and flight despite not attending.”
“You’re not the host’s primary guest, Joe is, he can figure it out from here (especially since it doesn’t sound like he has many expenses, not that this is the point).”- According_Pizza8484
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t pay for the hotel either.”
“Just block the guy and move on.”- SteelLt78
“NTA.”
“It is not your responsibility to pay for your plate since you aren’t attending.”
“Will Meg contact every person who RSVP’d and didn’t attend and ask them for money?”
“No, she won’t.”
“She is only doing this because you are Joe’s ex.”
“He’s lucky he’s being reimbursed for the plane ticket and half the hotel room.”-Smarterthanuthink867
“NTA.”
“You shouldn’t have even paid for half of the hotel room, as he was going to need it anyway.”
“Plus, if the wedding is still MORE than a month away, I highly doubt that they have paid the remaining balance yet for the catering and have only paid the deposit.”
“They could easily contact the catering company that far in advance to change the headcount as that is normally only paid a week or 2 before the wedding.”- Level-Woodpecker-456
“NTA.”
“That’s a ridiculous thing for him to ask you.”- TheLadyEve
“NTA.”
“I have worked in kitchens for decades.”
“Head counts are usually finalised ten days to one week before an event.”
“You gave them over a month.”
“You were also more than generous in paying for the airfare and hotel.”- WakingOwl1
“NTA.”
“Caterers don’t finalize headcount’s until the week before.”- SmallHeath555
“I’d reconsider paying for anything.”
“He can change the airfare to use the ticket for himself OR change the name.”
“He’s using a hotel room anyway.”
“You feel guilty but he’s capitalizing on that guilt.”
“NTA.”
“And really, don’t pay for anything.”
“Offer $50 if needed for him to change ticket.”- EwwDavvidd
“NTA.”
“He invited you as a plus one to a wedding a few weeks into the relationship.”
“He shouldn’t expect anything in the way of repayment.”
“He can get another date.”
“He has plenty of time.”
“Keep your money.”
“You really don’t have it to spare.”
“He boxed you into the situation by asking when you barely knew each other.”- jillian512
“NTA.”
“Even if you were still a couple, they are his friends, so he should cover the gift to the couple.”
“That’s not on you.”
“Your obligation ends with the flight and hotel.”- StellaStewieStanley
“You are NTA.”
“You did more than enough when you offered the $400.”- matthew_birdsey
“NTA.”
“Joe has plenty of time find a different plus one.”- here4cmmts
“NTA.”
“Your plate can go to someone else.”
“Also the final vendor head count is often 30 days or even 2 weeks out.”
“This is just silly.”- K_A_irony
“NTA.”
“I don’t think you owe anything.”
“This was not a vacation, it was attendance at a wedding for his friends.”
“If he doesn’t need the hotel room without you there, there is still time to cancel it.”
“If he still needs it, then you don’t owe half.”
“Find out if you can get a credit for your flight.”
“If not, maybe you can offer to pay for the flight though I still don’t think you owe it given that you were traveling for his benefit, not your own.”
“But you’ve offered, so you might as well follow through.”
“You absolutely do not owe the bride.”
“People fail to attend for lots of reasons.”
“If you had come down with the flu the day of the wedding, would she expect to be reimbursed?”
“They can find another guest or take the food home with them.”
“It’s not on you to reimburse that cost since they would have paid it whether you attended or not.”- Mutts_Merlot
It’s almost a given that at least one person who RSVP’s “yes” to a wedding won’t end up attending.
But almost all vendors usually allow at least two weeks to cancel or change an order.
Making it seem more than likely that the OP give Joe money for her wedding meal, that money would have likely remained in Joe’s pocket.
For a short time, anyway…