When one drinks too much, accidents can happen.
They can be catastrophic accidents or small ones that are suitable stories at parties.
And then there are stories like this…
Redditor Gillybby11 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my partner that I didn’t clean up his mess?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So my partner (34 M[ale]) and I (33 F[emale]) have been together for 4 years now.”
“Last night, he got drunk and listened to his music downstairs, which he does sometimes on the weekends.”
“He came to bed around midnight.”
“I stayed up late playing games, and at around 3 am, he stood up from the bed.”
“Then he walked over to the bedroom door and stands there a moment, and then I hear the pitter-patter of liquid hitting our linoleum floor.”
“I immediately sit up and yell ‘BABE! BABE!’ to which he stops and goes ‘woah woah!'”
“And stops, heads to the bathroom to finish up.”
“He stumbles back to bed and passes out.”
“This isn’t the first time he’s peed somewhere he shouldn’t in his sleep- but it isn’t something that happens a lot.”
“I think it’s happened maybe 3 times in his whole life, twice before we dated, and this was the only time I’ve been around for.”
“It’s like he’s sleepwalking and gets confused.”
“I grumble, take a photo of the puddle, plop a towel down and send him the photo and a message saying ‘Just in case you forgot, you pissed on the floor last night.'”
“Because in my opinion, that’s his responsibility to clean up… it wasn’t a huge puddle, just a small one.”
“He wakes up around 11 and sees my message.”
“Walks over the towel.”
“Starts his morning.”
“I look over, and the cat is sitting on the towel, to which I go, ‘No! That towel is dirty!'”
“And my partner suddenly looks up.”
“‘Is that towel there from last night!?’ He asks.”
“‘Well yeah,’ I respond.”
“‘Why didn’t you tell me it was still dirty!’ He complained.”
“I said I wasn’t going to clean up the mess he made last night; that was his responsibility.”
“He said, ‘That’s not what I’m saying, why didn’t you tell me sooner it was still there so I could clean it!'”
“So now he’s sulking and cranky with me.”
“He says it’s because I ‘didn’t tell him sooner,’ but I’m of the opinion that he’s just mad I didn’t clean it up for him.”
“Like, he knew it was there, he saw the message.”
“So, who else would have if he didn’t clean it?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not cleaning up my partner’s mess?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that EVERYONE involved was the A**hole.
“ESH, but you’re both way, way too old for any of this.”
“34 years old is way too old to still be getting pissing-on-the-floor drunk and 33 is too old to willingly put up with an adult man that wouldn’t clean up his own piss.” ~ Fickle_Cranberry8536
“This. ^ “
“I (a woman in her mid 20s at the time) once was so intoxicated I peed on the floor in our hallway in the dead of night thinking it was the bathroom then, according to my boyfriend (now husband), spent the next 30 minutes unpacking our cleaning supplies and giving the floor a borderline professional clean, all while profusely apologising and refusing any help.”
“Then I passed out and have zero recollection of it to this day.”
“So, I stand by myself as an example of ‘being drunk’ isn’t any excuse to not clean up your own floor piss really.” ~ Elliskarae
“Seriously! Back when I could still hang like this, I exorcist-level vomited all over my and my now-wife’s bedroom floor (carpeted).”
“I immediately cleaned it up, brought out our carpet cleaning vacuum, and got rid of every single ounce of it before my wife even realized I threw up.”
“No excuse.” ~ NerdWithKid
“Why do you need to tell him anything?”
“Jesus, he’s not an idiot, right?”
“If you had cleaned it up, why the hell hadn’t he already thanked you? Profusely.”
“He isn’t a puppy. NTA.” ~ Bookslutforsmut
“As an alcoholic myself, think 4 to 10 drinks a day, I am ALWAYS able to negotiate peeing.”
“I also have never, to my knowledge, sleep walked.”
“More than likely, he is a weekend binge drinker that doesn’t hold his alcohol well, and it results in this mess.”
“Anyways, OP is NTA.”
“For all you teetotalers and weekend psychologists out there that will tell me if you binge on the weekend, you are an alcoholic.”
“I am simply stating as a regular drinker.”
“I don’t piss myself.” ~ joe_eddie_13
“My only experience of this in an adult is from a father, brother, aunt and uncle who all had alcohol issues and would be incontinent in both senses and eith various regularity.”
“This story actually gave me that pit in the stomach I remembered from being woken up as a child to my brother peeing on my bed.”
“He was soundly asleep but also heavily drunk, and it became a semi-regular occurrence.”
“He’s in his 40s now, very much what would be called a functional alcoholic, and has a wife who complains about him frequently peeing in the corner of the bedroom when drunk.”
“I think it just becomes an autopilot thing.”
“That’s not to say OP’s boyfriend is an alcoholic, that all alcoholics will piss anywhere or that all sleepwalkers are alcoholics.”
“I also sleepwalk, have never peed in the wrong place, and I don’t drink alcohol.”
“But if his sleepwalking and peeing in the bedroom only happens when he’s been drinking, then there’s an obvious correlation.” ~ scoraiocht
“NTA, you literally texted him about his mess???”
“Is he blind, stupid, or just plain ignorant?”
“Also, why does it matter if he cleaned it earlier?”
“When he was sleeping???”
“Be a big boy and clean it up now?”
“Quietly???”
“What a baby!” ~ Upper_Criticism4353
“So… NTA… But your partner has a drinking problem.”
“Being so drunk that you pee in strange places is a f**king benchmark, I swear.” ~ Disastrous-Assist-90
“NTA – what did he think the towel was there for?”
“Maybe you should have reminded him when he got up, but you had let him know at the time, and it’s just as easy for you to forget as it is for him.”
“He’s a grown-up; of course, he should mop his own pee up. Ugh.” ~ Dear_Word8021
“Girl, nah, you did the right thing.”
“He’s a grown man, not a toddler.”
“He pees, he cleans.”
“I don’t care if he was drunk; that’s not an excuse.”
“He’s just mad he had to face the consequences of his own actions, to be honest.”
“He should’ve cleaned it up immediately when he saw the pic, not wait till it was a whole thing.” ~ LilyMorn
“NTA. I don’t think he’s necessarily even that mad about the towel, I think he’s lashing out because he’s embarrassed and feeling self-conscious about drinking so much that he pissed on the floor.”
“As he should.”
“Maybe it will help him make better decisions with alcohol next time.”
“He is acting like a child, his ego is bruised, and he is responding with hostility to gain back that sense of control and superiority.”
“Point is, he shouldn’t be getting upset with you when he is the one who peed on the floor.” ~l iftlovelive
“INFO: Is he medically blind?”
“Why would he need to be told that the dirty towel is still there?”
“NTA, obviously.”
“It’s not your responsibility to get him to clean up after himself.”
“He needs to get his drinking under control.”
“You are too old to be getting so drunk he urinates somewhere besides a toilet.”
“You say it’s only happened 3 times, but that’s 3 times too many.”
“For the majority of people, the number of times they’ve done that is 0 (barring like camping trips).” ~ annedroiid
“He has a drinking problem and he needs to nip that in the bud, pissing where you shouldn’t leads to shitting the bed (literally).”
“One night you’ll wake up in bed to him pissing on your back in his drunkenness, heard plenty of horror stories unfortunately.” ~ FarrenFlayer89
“All of you saying NTA.”
“So you think that if your partner pees on the floor IN THEIR SLEEP, the best thing to do is let it sit there, sog and smell, all f**kin’ night, instead of taking 2 minutes to clean it, just because it’s not your mess but your partner’s.”
“Wow. Quite the adult thing to do. Bravo.” ~ youshallneverlearn
“ESH. Obviously, your partner should not get this drunk, but you just let pee spread and soak through everything for hours?”
“By this point, how are you going to remove the smell?”
“I cannot imagine caring less about your home and being this petty to prove a point.” ~ wrath_aita
“He got the text and assumed you cleaned it up for him.”
“When he saw the towel on the floor, he reasoned that it must be there to dry the mopped floor.”
“That’s why he stepped over it.”
“Just providing the possible logic he used.”
“However, he still did not thank you when he thought you cleaned up after him.”
“Then he took his anger out on you when you rightfully didn’t clean up after him. NTA.” ~ cyanidelemonade
“ESH, not with a cat, bro.”
“Clean that piss up and be the responsible sober pet parent.” ~ beaniejell
“NTA. I hope what I say next is not seen as insulting.”
“If this is a repeating occurrence, I think your bf might have a drinking problem.”
“Now, just because someone drinks too much and does something embarrassing, it doesn’t make them an alcoholic.”
“But if the same behavior continues or escalates, it’s definitely an indication of a substance abuse issue.”
“Do not pick up his messes.”
“Do not minimize the behavior.”
“Do not let him turn it around on you or play the victim.”
“My opinion doesn’t come from a place of judgment, but from one of experience.”
“I’m now 6 years sober from a 15-year run on drugs and booze.” ~ ODeasOfYore
“My partner has done this as well, just when he’s really had too much to drink.”
“Apparently, he used to sleepwalk as a young child and peed in the closet then too (in view of family, lol).”
“That being said, he always cleans it up – no question.” ~ Mean-Key4005
“ESH, but I gotta say that I think you suck a little more.”
“His was a stupid, drunken mistake that caused a problem you shouldn’t have to clean, but unless we’re talking about tile with solid grout on a floor that’s at an angle towards a drain away from your baseboards, you’re ruining your flooring out of pettiness.”
“That’s truly a new one for me.”
“You could have at least slopped up the moisture.”
“I’m literally putting in a new flooring today because of a dog that did what your husband did.”
“I don’t know.”
“He sounds like he might have a drinking problem, but that’s not what we’re judging here.”
“So I’d say you’re the a**hole to your house more than him since you were awake enough to fix it.” ~ FlaxFox
“NTA, no way!”
“Being drunk is NO excuse.”
“He is trying to hold you responsible for his mess being there.”
“Red flags.” ~ Time-Tie-231
“I mean, most decent people would have cleaned it even after sending the text.”
“Acting like it happens often.”
“It was once. Yeah, YTA.” ~ oetyscupcake
“NTA. He has eyes, yes?”
“So he can see that there’s a towel on the floor.”
“And he chose to step over it.”
“Now it’s your fault for not speaking to him like a toddler to tell him there’s still a mess?”
“Absolutely not.”
“OP, your boyfriend needs to start acting like an adult and not a helpless little boy who needs his mommy to guide him through every little thing in life.” ~ HateFilledSquirrel
“NTA. He’s putting the blame on you for something he did.”
“I’d start looking for a new partner.” ~ Spare_Ad5009
Reddit is all over the place, OP.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend maybe need to have a significant chat about relationship expectations.
This is an issue that needs some attention.
His drinking, his peeing, your choice to leave urine on the floor… there is a lot to unpack here.
Good luck.