in ,

Redditor Walks Out Of Brother-In-Law’s Wedding After They’re Purposely Excluded From Family Table

Tom Merton/Getty Images

After getting married, one should be able to safely assume that they are now part of their spouse’s family.

Many families do, indeed, welcome their new son or daughter in law with open arms, marking the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Others, however, are not so lucky, and despite their best efforts simply never feel included by their in-laws.

Such was sadly the case of Redditor Simple_Judy3409, who was having a difficult time connecting with their husband’s family.

The original poster (OP) thought that their brother-in-law’s upcoming wedding would be a perfect opportunity to bond with them, but found themself blatantly snubbed.

Wondering if they handled the situation as well as they could have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for leaving my husband’s brother’s wedding after I got told to sit with ‘formal guests’?”

The OP explained how their already tense relationship with their in-laws came to something of a head at their brother-in-law’s wedding.

“My husband (32) and I (26) have been married for nearly 6 months.”

“His family and I don’t have a super strong connection and that is because I don’t spend much time around them.”

“We also have so little in common.”

“I had attended only 2 of their events and both times I couldn’t sit with the family.”

“My brother-in-law (BIL)’s wedding was last week.”

“It was the first in-law’s wedding that I attended.”

“Not gonna lie I was nervous but hoped this would an opportunity for me to bond with them especially MIL.”

“My husband and I got there together.”

“He then went around greeting guests and I waited for him til the ceremony began.”

“After that we got invited to eat.”

“I went to get my makeup fixed then came back and saw that both family tables were full.”

“My husband was sitting with his mom, dad, sisters and the other table had relatives and they were all men. I looked so confused I stood there and MIL motioned for me to go sit at a table where ‘formal guests’ were seated.”

“I was completely baffled at this.”

“I politely told her that I’d like to sit with family and my husband but my husband said that there was no free spot for me.”

“I told him he could’ve saved me a chair but he said that just like me, he was just a guest and there wasn’t much he could do.”

“He urged me to go sit at that table but I refused and we started arguing.”

“His mom told me that I was making unnecessary scene and complaining for no good reason.”

“I had had it, I gathered my coat and turned to leave.”

“I could tell that a number of guests knew about it because of how loud the argument was.”

“My husband followed me out and he kept telling me to quit acting immature and go back but I refused and said that I was going home.”

“I went home then he came back later to tell me about how he and the rest of the family felt about what I did, and how I embarrassed the family and made a scene at his brother’s wedding for no valid reason.”

“I said I wasn’t going to sit by and be excluded like that but he said I got this wrong and that this was his brother’s wedding and we all were guests and I should, as a guest, respected that.”

“We went on and on about this and then stopped talking altogether.”

“His mom and sister made comments about me being oversensitive and having attachment issues for refusing to sit away from my husband for 30 mins or so.”

“AITA for leaving the wedding?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not at all the a**hole for leaving their BIL’s wedding after not being seated with the rest of the family.

Everyone agreed that the OP’s in-laws seemed to be deliberately excluding them, and their husband should have either saved them a seat or stood up for them.

“NTA, I would consider this a major snub by his family.”

“You’re married so you’re definitely family, but even people in a long committed relationship should be considered family at this point.”

“Your husband is the ah in this situation, he should have had your back with his family.”

“Instead, he’s letting them walk all over you.”

“In my experience, mamma’s boys also suck in other respects, and may also be immature and controlling.”

“I would be taking a hard look at the relationship as a whole, specifically at any changes that would have occurred after marriage.”- Swimming-Item8891


“F*ck that, I would’ve left too.”- CrystalQueen3000

“No assigned seating?”

“Your husband not moving to sit with you at the other table?”

“Him knowing you wanted to get to know his family and still brushing you off?”

“This doesn’t make a lick of sense, unless your husband and his family really didn’t like you already.”

“NTA, but can I ask why you’re with this guy?”

“I like how he couldn’t get up to go to another table with you, but got his ass up to try and stop you from leaving lmao.”- userabe

“I highly salute you for leaving the wedding.”

“That is exactly what you should’ve done.”

“You would’ve been TA for staying.”

“Honestly, I highly recommend getting on very effective birth control and reconsidering this entire relationship.”- llskjsjf


“Why stop at leaving the wedding.”

“Why not keep going & leave your husband, too?”

“He just put up a big sign that says, ‘my wife is not my family’ & ‘I will not stand up for my wife’.”

“F that.”- YMMV-But


“Your husband is the asshole for not saving you a seat.”

“You are supposed to be his #1 priority now.”

“The only time I would expect to not sit with my husband at a wedding is if one of us were part of the wedding party.”- Wander80


“They basically told you you aren’t family and they have no intention of changing that.”- Portie_lover

“NTA but you realize this is what your marriage will be like?”

“Best to cut the cord now before kids etc.”

“Your husband doesn’t have a spine and doesn’t support you, you have no relationship with your very spiteful in laws.”

“What’s left?”

“The sex?”- Safe_Frosting1807


“You are right about them excluding you.”

“You weren’t being over sensitive and you aren’t imagining the slight against you.”

“There was no reason you and your husband couldn’t have sat together and the ‘oh there are no seats’ is total bs.”

“If that was really the issue, your husband couldn’t have just sat with you at the formal guest table or sat with all the men while you sat with his parents and siblings.”

“The only thing I would say is, I wouldn’t have argued about it.”

“Once it was made clear they were excluding me, I would have said ok, grabbed my things and left.”

“I wouldn’t have said anything else.”

“The issue I see with this is they know what they did and you arguing just gives them ammunition to continue being AHs.”

“Shut your mil/sister down by saying you’ve already said what you meant to regarding things and you’re not engaging in conversation with them about it.”

“To your husband, let him know you aren’t tolerating the disrespect and you are also not arguing over your feelings.”

“Your feelings are valid and he either acknowledges that or he doesn’t but you’re not going to be gaslighted, mistreated nor disrespected.”

“That stops now.”- Sea-Tea-4130

“NTA you didn’t make his family look bad, they made themselves look bad by separating YOU from the rest of their immediate family.”

“Honestly, these people don’t view you as family & that is 100% noticed by your post.”

“You have to weigh the pros & cons of being married into a family that views you as an outsider.”

“You’re a second class in-law that they don’t want to associate with and your husband isn’t standing up for you or your marriage.”- Few-Entrepreneur383

“NTA your husband does not respect you, and if I had to guess, he’s a big part of the reason you don’t have a connection with his family.”

“At the very least he’s certainly not helping you bridge that gap, or being supportive of you when you try to do so yourself.”- whiterice2323


“They are actively icing you and your husband is letting them.”

“Your feelings are valid.”

“Just because they all say otherwise, does not invalidate them.”

“Hold strong, and demand he support you.”

“He should have left the table to sit with you. it is very telling that he did not, nor would he respect you or your feelings.”- TheEmpressIsIn

It is pretty shocking when a husband wouldn’t save a seat for his spouse at any occasion, let alone a wedding.

Hopefully the OP’s husband will eventually realize that the OP’s leaving was a sign of their feeling constantly excluded by his family, which included him in this particular instance.

Otherwise, as several Redditors suggested, the OP very well might walk out of their marriage just as they did their BIL’s wedding.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.