Wedding plans can be stressful.
The list of details is endless.
But one detail that is usually a fun part of the event is the bride’s gown.
Picking the perfect dress is a part of the revelry… Unless people start sharing unwanted thoughts on the matter.
Redditor Nice-Assignment8614 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for drama over pink wedding dress?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (26 F[emale]) and my fiancé (26 M[ale]) are getting married this coming May.”
“Last week, me and my parents were discussing plans for the wedding.”
“For the longest time (since teens perhaps), I have had my heart set on a pink wedding gown.”
“That color makes me feel the prettiest and (I believe) suits me more than white.”
“My Mom has known about this interest, but always thought it was one of those fancies which would ‘go away’ once I grew up and actually decided to get married.”
“Well, here we are.”
“When I brought up the pink wedding dress again during our discussion, my mom and I got into a serious argument about it.”
“She said that it would be childish and embarrassing of me to get married in a gown that color and she doesn’t want me to regret in the future looking back at my photos.”
“I argued that there was nothing embarrassing about wearing a color I like on MY special day, and even James didn’t mind what color of the dress I wore.”
“I also said that regret could go either way, and I could end up regretting NOT wearing pink in the future, so I’d rather go with the decision that makes me happy right now.”
“Although my Dad hasn’t been as vocally against the pink dress, he is starting to side with Mom seeing how upset she is getting over this.”
“Over the whole week, there has been no end in sight to this argument, with my mom bringing up multiple times how they won’t pay their half for the wedding dress if I go with pink (the initial agreement was to split the bill 50-50).”
“My brother (30 M) thinks the whole argument over this color is ridiculous and told Mom that he’d be happy to split the bill with me instead, and they might end up being the ones regretting this whole drama more than me regretting the color in the future.”
“I honestly feel so torn over this.”
“I am not sure anymore if I want the pink dress that badly just because I feel hurt the way my parents reacted to it and made such a big deal out of it.”
“On the other hand, this is what I have always wanted but I do feel like this small of a decision is causing a huge drama for no reason.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Sounds like you’ve got a solution then, assuming you can’t afford to pay for the dress in full yourself.”
“NTA, but you need to be very clear with your mother that you are an adult who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions, and this sort of nasty micromanaging and pettifogging is not going to be acceptable from here on out.”
“Particularly if she wants to enjoy a relationship with her future grandchildren (assuming you’re planning on becoming parents, anyway).” ~ Jyqm
“Adding here with my pink bridal dress story.”
“In our culture, brides wear red to the wedding.”
“The first time my future husband and I met, I was wearing pink.”
“To announce our engagement, he used the pic from that day and captioned ‘Pink is my new obsession.'”
“That day I decided I wanted to wear a pink bridal dress (lehenga) instead of red.”
“My mom fought my whole family over it for me.”
“10 years later, it’s still my favorite wedding story to tell.”
“OP, please wear your pink dress.”
“It’s your da,y and you should wear what makes you feel beautiful and loved.”
“Congratulations on the wedding!”
“And on having a supportive fiancé and brother.” ~ Nimbupani2000
“SAME. I chose a pink and green lehnga (bridal dress) instead of the traditional red and golden.”
“My friends and family FLIPPED, and it was fun to watch people losing s**t over a color.”
“Please wear whatever color you want and split the bill with your brother.” ~ Karaagewoman
“Adding a story here about my own mother’s wedding regret.”
“Her mother was very controlling and chose her dress (gorgeous but huge and very 80s, while mom wanted a slinky slip-style dress) and makeup (blue eye shadow, which mom had never worn and hated).”
“My mom passed away, and she was still talking about how much she regretted this on her literal deathbed.”
“OP, do what makes you happy.”
“Your brother is amazing, take him up on his offer.” ~ Big_Box601
“I got married in a black dress. Black is my comfort color.”
“My narcissistic nightmare of a mother had a fit (and yes, she and my father collectively ruined the wedding that they did not contribute a cent for).”
“But it was what I wanted.”
“I love black.”
“My two cents?”
“Your brother is the GOAT, and you are so lucky to have him in your corner.”
“And tell your parents it’s your choice, your wedding, and they don’t have to like it, but they have to respect it.”
“If they can’t, they can stay home.”
“And make sure you get security if it comes to that.”
“And whatever you do, don’t keep the dress in your mother’s home or wherever she may have access.” ~ vinegargirl757
“All of this.”
“It’s also so not an issue that it will be harder to choose which pink dress than it will be to find one.”
“OP, it’s your wedding.”
“Get the dress you want.”
“If your mom has an issue with it, that’s her problem.”
“Tell her if she’s that upset about it, then when she gets married, she can wear the dress of her choice.” ~ Nymph-the-scribe
“NTA. Your mom is overreacting.”
“Get the dress that makes you happiest.”
“In whatever color you want.”
“If they refuse to pay for half, have a smaller wedding or take your brother up on his offer.”
“If having a smaller wedding means your parent’s friends aren’t invited, oh well.”
“I hate gifts with strings attached.”
“It’s just manipulative, not a real gift.” ~ Ok_Expression7723
“This is what upsets me even more than her mom making a fuss about OP’s dress even though it’s not her dress, her body, or her big day — for me the worst bit is weaponizing the offer of financial assistance to get her way.”
“Using her money to manipulate and control OP is so messed up.”
“I wouldn’t take a cent from her.”
“Even if OP were to cede to her about the dress, she’d find some other opportunity to throw her financial contribution back in OP’s face.”
“Stand your ground, OP, and reject your mother’s help — financial and otherwise.”
“Glad your brother has your back.” ~ Predd1tor
“NTA. Historically people didn’t wear white.”
“Queen Victoria changed all that in the 19th century with her white gown which was widely published and popularized the idea.”
“Before 1840, brides often wore red, pink, blue, brown, or black.”
“However, white didn’t become the standard choice for brides until the mid-20th century.”
“This was due to the rise of mass media, fashion magazines, and Hollywood films, which helped reinforce the association between white dresses and weddings.”
“So just remind her that this is your wedding, and you want to feel pretty in a gown of your choice.” ~ TheSciFiGuy80
“NTA. My oldest and I have been discussing wedding dresses.”
“One of the shops I recommended to her was Flora and Lane.”
“I’m not sure they even have a totally white dress.”
“It’s YOUR day.”
“Your mum got to wear what she wanted on her wedding day.”
“You get to wear what you want on yours.”
“Don’t have them put money towards it.”
“Pay for it yourself.”
“If you’re old enough to get married then you should be old enough to stand by your own decisions about YOUR day.” ~ EastPirate6505
“NTA. Your mom is causing the drama, not you!!”
“And your dad is adding fuel to the fire.”
“I think your pink wedding dress would be absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!!”
“Do it.”
“It’s YOUR wedding, not your mom’s, not your dad’s.”
“It’s YOURS.”
“If they won’t budge on their threats, either let your brother help pay for your wedding or do something else, like elope or scale down your wedding expenses by having a small, intimate setting with a small reception.”
“You’ll save money and can use the leftover money towards a honeymoon or a house.”
“Congrats on your upcoming wedding in your beautiful pink dress!” ~ LoveBeach8
“My daughter got married in August in a lavender dress.”
“She was absolutely stunning.”
“A friend’s daughter got married recently in a black gown – striking.”
“The point is, you do you.”
“You’re only planning to marry once, right?”
“Best to get it right, then, as you won’t have a do-over.”
I”’d suggest you have a calm sit-down with her and ask what’s causing her concern.”
“Does your mom have fantasies about you walking down the aisle in white?”
“Or is she worried about what other people will think?”
“What’s the problem exactly?”
“Try to listen to her concerns, but ultimately – it’s your day.”
“If she’s paying for the wedding and insists you wear white, you might want to reconsider that – maybe have a small wedding with a barbecue reception at a park or something that you can afford.”
“For heaven’s sake, don’t go into debt for a wedding… SO not worth it.”
“Best of luck, dear.” ~ examingmisadventures
“You have a dream wedding in mind.”
“Your mom has a dream wedding in mind – it involves a white dress.”
“All the arguments made here are strawmen.”
“Your mom does not care if it’s childish.”
“The point is: It is not white.”
“She does not care if your fiancé loves it.”
“She wants white.”
“She does not care about your photos.”
“She wants the perfect picture – her perfect picture.”
“The only argument is: Who’s wedding is it? ( NTA )” ~ LightPhotographer
“NTA. This is NOT about a dress—this is an issue of adulthood vs parents.”
“Think verrrry long and hard before deciding your mom gets the final say on what you wear to get married in.”
“You are setting a precedent you will not enjoy endlessly repeating.”
“Call her bluff.”
“Refuse any money and have YOUR wedding in YOUR budget.
“Emancipate yourself.” ~ SlightlyCrazyCatMom
“I think it’s unreasonable to throw their toys out of the cot over a decision made by you and your husband-to-be, but I guess they can do that.”
“Just do what you want.”
“If it means a smaller wedding, or your parents being sulky, keep in mind that this is all about the two of you, and the important thing is how you feel about it.”
“Have fun. Honestly?”
“I eloped to ignore the hassles, drama, and expenditure.”
“Something to consider 😆 NTA.” ~ THEchiQ
“NTA, it’s your day and your dress.”
“If they continue to threaten you about not paying their half just look at them and calmly say fine my brother who loves me has offered.”
“Then tell your mother I hope you have no regrets about not coming dress shopping with me because I’d rather not have your negativity for a day meant to be fun.”
“Invite your brother and your girlfriends to take pics and then let her see the pics.” ~ Pepsilover12
“NTA. Your wedding.”
“If a pink dress brings you joy wear it and don’t let your mom pay for it.”
“She sounds controlling.”
“It’s your day, not hers.” ~ Perfect_Ring3489
“NTA. Stop arguing.”
“If someone doesn’t like what you’re doing and they wanna change your mind, you don’t have to engage.”
“Thank them for their input and care, but this is what you’re doing, and don’t engage anymore.” ~ SizzleDebizzle
“NTA. Take your brother’s offer.”
“Wear exactly what you want for your wedding.”
“Your parents are being weird.” ~ Vhagar37
You heard it here, OP… your wedding, YOUR rules.
Your parents are being very unreasonable. You choose whatever dress you desire.
And wear that dress proudly.
Good luck and congratulations!