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Pregnant Woman Upsets Her SIL By Asking Her Not To Make A ‘Diaper Cake’ For Her Baby Shower

diaper cake
Zeferli / Getty Images

Baby showers are a fun little way to celebrate bringing a new life into the world. It’s allows the friends and family to show their support and—more importantly to some—give gifts that will help the new parents with the child.

Redditor AITA-diapercake learned there is a downside, however.

The person the party is for doesn’t get quite as much say in a party they aren’t planning. That’s why it’s important someone who knows you well throws the shower.

Now, the original poster (OP)’s sister-in-law is upset, and OP is left wondering if she was wrong. So she asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for asking my SIL not to make me a diaper cake?”

This was what happened:

“I (30f [female]) am pregnant with my first (most likely only) child, due in September. My husband’s sister (37f) is very excited and informed me that she will be making a diaper cake for the baby shower.”

“I thought this would be a cake shaped like a diaper but after chatting with her I learned that it is actually a number of disposable diapers, rolled up and tied together to vaguely resemble a tiered cake. I guess it is supposed to be used as a baby shower decoration.”

“She showed me Pinterest pictures of several tall, awkwardly shaped towers of diapers, sometimes with decorations pinned or glued to the outside which I’m pretty sure would make some of the outside diapers unusable.”

“I told her that I appreciate the sentiment and I love that she already wants to do something for a baby shower that is months away, but 1) My husband and I are undecided on the disposable vs cloth question, and 2) If I’m going to have disposable diapers I would rather keep them in the box, where they’ll be easier to store and move.”

“My SIL got angry, yelled at me that diaper cakes are traditional (Are they? I’ve never been to a baby shower), called me ungrateful, and said that I’ll be sorry when I have a baby and no baby stuff because I rejected all my shower gifts. Obviously that last part was just her going over the top because she was mad, but what about the rest of it?”

“AITA for essentially turning down a gift because of how it’s presented? I would be happy with a gift of diapers, but this cake thing just seems like a lot of effort to take something practical and turn it into something completely impractical.”

To find out if she was the jerk, OP takes her query to the AITA board. Here, people are judged if they were the ones who responded poorly in a situation.

This is done with one of the following acronyms:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

While OP is not the one throwing the party, many agreed her opinion should be considered when planning the event. The SIL needs to calm down about how the present is presented.

OP is NTA.

“NTA: She overreacted and it doesn’t matter if it is a tradition or not, it’s your baby shower.
On a personal note (doesn’t influence verdict), that does sound really weird and I haven’t heard of this until now.”

“I wouldn’t want one either though”randomirlperson

“NTA. She offered to do a favor for you, and you politely said no. She seriously overreacted.”wolfbutterfly42

“NTA- i think its sad when people keep their mouth shut about a gift (and diapers are EXPENSIVE) that they don’t want, pretend to like and then quietly get rid of. No one wins, everyone loses.”

“This conversation was well before the shower and private, so you are within your right to express your preferences. SIL clearly got very excited very quickly and the letdown was too quick for her to handle.”RingAroundTherose

“NTA and she’s being overly dramatic about the rejection. Not sure about your logic though.”

“Would it not be useful to have a cache of disposable diapers in certain situations? It’s nice to avoid waste, but would you use paper plates and plastic forks?”Any-Pay-974

It seems like OP’s distaste for the diaper cake at her future shower should be the end of it, but many commenters disagreed. They felt refusing a gift because of how it’s presented is foolish, and told OP to lighten up.

This led to disagreements in the comments.

“I mean, yeah kinda. She offered you a VERY EXPENSIVE decoration/present. No the structure doesn’t ruin the diapers.”

“And regardless if you cloth diaper, you will always have a situation where you need a disposable” – Southern_Opinion9871

“More cost effective than buying diapers for a gift and decor. When a friend made me one they brought the boxes from the diapers so I could take it apart after the party and store them easily.”

“OP can plan her own shower and send guests a list of acceptable decor/gifts.” – Curlytomato

“YTA. You’re undecided, so you may want disposable diapers in the future. Even if not, as others have pointed out in the comments, you will likely find yourself in situations where disposable diapers come in handy.”

“Regardless, it’s a gift and gesture of good will. You’re going to need/want help from relatives at some point during this baby’s first few years so why be rude and poo-poo someone’s thoughtful offer?”

“Diaper cakes might not be super common but they have been huge hits at baby showers I’ve attended.”

“I could understand if, for example, you specified something like, ‘I’d appreciate no overtly gendered pink/blue gifts,’ and she wanted to go over the top with something super gender specific, but read your question again: ‘AITA for essentially turning down a gift because of how it’s presented?’ Yes.

“You sound like someone throwing a fit because the wrapping paper isn’t the right color, or a fiancée whose proposal wasn’t ‘piCtUrE PeRfEcT!’ You might want to apologize.” – aestheticide

“Did you miss the part where the SiL yelled at OP because she politely declined a gift not yet purchased for an event months away and gave pretty solid reasoning?”

“Diaper cakes sound pretty dumb and frankly unhygienic to me (germs linger on surfaces for a LONG and you can’t wash disposable diapers) but i wouldn’t turn down a box if someone purchased some for me when I need them.”

“If anyone should apologize its the SIL.”

“SiL should respect OP doesn’t want the thing. But there’s a million other things could be done instead. What about a onesie tower? Bungle up different clothes in nice wraps and ribbons and balance those around a few stacked sealed boxes/packets of disposable and cloth diapers.”

“Plus the colours range and sizes of baby clothes will make for a way better decoration, they can be washed easily, everyone gets to pick something they like and baby has clothing they can grow into and spares when needed.” – FeatherFall101

With all the fighting going on, and despite the board voting that OP was NTA, there isn’t much the internet can do to change her family’s mind.

OP came back with an update.

“**Update: My husband told his sister she can make the diaper cake so I guess I’m getting a diaper cake. He’s the one who wants an actual baby shower anyway (I wanted a small backyard barbecue where I wouldn’t have to be the center of attention).”

“SIL texted me and promised she will only hot glue the diapers on the outside. She loves her glue gun.”

Sometimes, making amends is about compromising on really unimportant things even if the other person doesn’t. This shouldn’t be a habit, but since the SIL seems intent on making a big deal over the diaper cake, just let it be.

The trade off needs to be clear, defined boundaries in the situations that matter. Hopefully OP can hold in those situations and her husband will back her up.

Written by Ben Acosta

Ben Acosta is an Arizona-based fiction author and freelance writer. In his free time, he critiques media and acts in local stage productions.