Couples who are intending to get married have a huge decision to make: whether to share everything they have, split it all equally, or also incorporate a prenuptial agreement.
This decision can cause a lot of drama for a couple of people who want different things, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Working_Sprinkles950 was making the final preparations for their wedding when they realized how time-intensive their prenuptial agreement with their future husband would be.
With everything there was to do, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if the agreement could be legally postponed for a later date.
They asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I refused to sign a prenuptial agreement or marriage contract before my wedding in three weeks?”
The OP knew their future husband wanted to have a prenuptial agreement.
“I am getting married in 3 weeks. Yesterday my fiancé let me know that he contacted a firm to get quotes for a prenup (marriage contract) to be drafted.”
“We have never discussed a prenup in depth before yesterday.”
“He has more assets and earns 2-3x more than I do, so I understand why he would like to have one.”
“I agree with the premise of a prenup to protect pre-marital property and inheritance.”
But it turned out there was more to it than the OP thought.
“However, when I asked what he wants to include beyond pre-marital assets and property, he also listed off a number of things that seem very one-sided (exclusion of retirement accounts, no spousal support entitlement, and exclusion of any future business income).”
“The issue with that arrangement is that he intends to incorporate his business and draw as small of a salary as possible.”
“Our plan is to live off my income because I cannot incorporate.”
“It sounds like this would have the effect of excluding almost all of his income from the communal pot.”
The OP was worried about having enough time to do this the right way.
“Seeing as we are 3 weeks out, and he JUST began the process (who knows when his lawyers will even have the first draft!), I do not think it will be possible to complete all the due diligence and negotiation required.”
“It is also stressful to add this on top of everything else that has to be done in the next 3 weeks.”
“I would still agree to sign a contract after the wedding day, without all the rush and pressure.”
“WIBTA if I said no to signing before the wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was doing the smart thing by holding off on signing anything.
“Smart move coming up with this so close to the wedding. You are being railroaded into giving away most of your rights. A complex issue that has to have been planned and prepared some time ago. A question of honesty and openness here…”
“By making his salary seem small on paper and protecting his pension you are set to get very little following a divorce. And you might well have children to support.”
“I would suggest you make excuse after excuse to not sign today, haven’t read it yet, then tomorrow read it but don’t understand it all yet. Spin it out right up to the day.”
“Then you’ll find out if he loves his money more than he loves you, for if he does he will get more and more desperate to get you to sign, or find an excuse to postpone the wedding.”
“If the pressure is stepped up or postponement suggested, you’ll know where you stand with him. In which case, walk away knowing you have had a lucky escape.”
“Now, let me tell you about my unmarried son…….” – Chalky1949
“Even if he got around to contacting lawyers late…not even mentioning to his fiancee that he’s interested in a prenup until 3 weeks before the wedding???” – throwaway_thyroid
“I feel like if the fiance had planned to offer up a prenup that was fair for both of them, he would already have done so.”
“His plan is very one-sided, completely favors him, and is designed to protect his future earnings, not assets acquired before marriage. He’s made it clear he intends to short her financially.”
“This is not the kind of man to marry and have children with (not the kind of woman, if genders were reversed).” – Puppyfarts99
“First of all, OP, this is a HUGE red flag. He IS trying to railroad you, and he IS trying to keep everything for himself. This is BEFORE YOU’RE EVEN MARRIED. This is incredibly selfish and short-sighted, not to mention dishonest.”
“Why would you want to marry someone who: 1) is trying to deceive you, 2) makes more money than you but is trying to get you to pay for everything, and 3) doesn’t have your best interests at heart at the point in your relationship where he should be THE MOST IN LOVE?”
“Step back, OP, put the brakes on. Don’t hire lawyers, hire a premarital counselor and get him to sit down with you and justify his actions and his attitude. And postpone the wedding.”
“I don’t think she should waste money on a lawyer bc I don’t think she should marry this guy right now, so the prenup is moot.”
“I don’t think she should marry him unless and until they are on the same page about what they want out of the marriage and what they want for each other in the event their marriage doesn’t work out.”
“If they can get on that same page, THEN they can both hire lawyers and hash out a prenup. But the basic premise of this prenup should preclude marriage.” – JadieJang
“He intends to live off of her but she gets no benefit later, oh H**L NO. She needs to seriously reconsider who she intends to marry. I would put my running shoes on!” – Blonde2468
“If that’s how he operates in most aspects of his life, it’s a choice. How does he expect to run a business if this is how he negotiates contracts?”
“What is kind of a red flag to me is, that the company is all his in case of a divorce, and so is his pension. But at the same time he expects, that both of you live from your income. Which prevents you from saving up for your pension and maybe even investing some of your money.”
“I understand getting a prenup, but the point of s prenup is that it should be fair. If it’s not only one-sided, but one-sided and furthermore the other person is left with less than they brought into the relationship. I would seriously consider this a major red flag, and rethink my desire to marry this person.” – CrazySeacreature
Others thought the OP should create a prenuptial agreement of their own.
“I think she should actually sit down with her own lawyer and create a middle ground and draw one up that’s fair to the both of them instead of making it a ‘let me see if he loves me more than money.'”
“Then if they can’t compromise on the terms, then they could either postpone the wedding, not get married at all, or get married and work on drawing up a postnup together that’s fair for both people.” – LengthinessFresh4897
“Yeah, I definitely think she should offer a fair one, and that will be MUCH more telling than just being obstructionist.” – OrindaSarnia
“Seems like OP is fine with a prenup in principle, but fiance and/or finance’s lawyer is structuring the prenup to OP’s detriment. OP should get their own lawyer and hammer out something more equitable.” – Publius246
“She should hire both a premarital counselor and a lawyer. She should not even consider signing anything until she has had her own lawyer review it, though I would absolutely counsel her against signing the prenup her fiancé has described.” – GothicGingerbread
“A prenup or postnup should be two people who love each other bringing their best selves to the table, knowing that their best selves may not be available should they decide to end the marriage.”
“Protecting the assets you come in with? Fine. Inheritance? Easy, just don’t put it in a shared account.”
“Laying claim to a completely disproportionate share of marital assets? Nope.” – DrKittyKevorkian
“On the topic of playing dumb you could definitely do a, ‘Well honey I know how you are about being smart financially and signing things you don’t understand, so I took it to a lawyer and they mentioned something kind of weird. They say it seems like you’re planning to (what you said he’s doing)? Can we maybe do another one to square away that issue?'”
“Make them come out and say what they are trying to do.” – mooimafish3
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“I have contacted a firm and done the intake this morning.”
Though the OP wasn’t sure if they would be wrong to hold off on signing such an important document during a stressful time, the subReddit insisted they were doing the right thing. Not only was this something they needed to focus on without distractions or stress, but if they were going to sign an agreement, it needed to be one that was fair to the whole couple, not just the husband.