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Groom Livid After His Family Berates His Fiancée For Refusing To Wear Makeup At Their Wedding

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When a person plans to be married, they have a vision in their mind of how they would like their wedding day to go.

Unfortunately for some who are practically married to tradition itself, they find some people’s plans for their wedding day atrocious.

Their thoughts can lead to a tough day for the happy couple, confided the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Redditthrowaway3233 found himself fielding criticism for his bride from his mother and sister when they wanted her to be something other than herself.

When the problem got more serious, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he would be wrong to make a drastic decision.

He asked the sub: 

“WIBTA (Would I be the a**hole) if I told my mom and my sister they will be uninvited from my wedding unless they lay off my fiancée?”

The OP’s mother and sister had a different vision for his wedding. 

“I’m getting married at the end of the month.”

“It’s going to be immediate family only because [the pandemic] is still going strong here. We aren’t even having a dinner or party afterwards. We’re only doing the wedding part and that’s it.”

“My mom and sister are really upset my fiancee isn’t going to put on makeup or nail polish for the wedding.”

But this wouldn’t be true to the happy couple. 

“My fiancee never does this in real life because she works in a laboratory where the environment has to be sterile at all times, so if she did wear even a little, she would be sent home.”

“My sister and my mom say the wedding will be ruined because she won’t look right and it will spoil the photos and she’ll regret it if she doesn’t.”

The OP tried to explain it another way. 

“I already told them that I’m not wearing makeup or nail polish.”

“Neither is my dad, or my brother, or my fiancee’s dad or the chaplain.”

“I said if 6 of the 8 people there (plus our photographer probably won’t be wearing makeup but he won’t be in the pictures really) aren’t in makeup or nail polish and only 2 are, they will be the ones who look strange.”

“And they only say my fiancee will look bad and spoil it, not the rest of us.”

But his mother and sister weren’t having it.

“My sister and my mom are so mad about this and won’t stop saying the wedding will be ruined.”

“Is it an a**hole thing to do if I told them they’ll get uninvited if they don’t stop?”

“In my mind, they are overreacting.”

“Would this be overreacting on my part?”

“My fiancee doesn’t deserve this.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the OP was right to defend what his fiancée wanted. 

“Your fiance was not put on this earth to be eye candy for your mom and sister, they seriously need to stop.”

“YWNBTA (You would not be the a**hole) if you disinvited them for refusing to behave like normal, decent, civilized people.”

“Decent humans have the good graces to not speak rudely of the bride, their future DIL/SIL (daughter-in-law or sister-in-law).”

“Nasty, self-absorbed people stir the pot and cause problems with things that are, quite frankly, none of their business.”Ema630

“NTA, they need to back the h**l off with their sexist ideas. Shame on them, I hope your fiancee is a confident person, because people like that can really put a hamper on your self-esteem. Making her feel like she’s ‘not pretty enough,’ essentially. That’s BS (bulls**t).”_Deletion_

“I wore lipstick and mascara to my wedding, and that’s easily the most makeup I wore in the last 10 years. I actually had a whole head of makeup done and then took it off before the wedding, because looking at the mirror felt wrong.”

“Besides all the great points everyone’s already made about choice and the sexism of women’s expected appearance, I’ll just add: having a made-up face when you usually don’t can truly feel like it’s not you in the mirror (or in the pictures). And the one day you want to be you, not some artificial stranger, is absolutely your wedding day.”ABSMeyneth

Others didn’t think the mother and sister should be allowed to tend. 

“*I* would be expecting them to arrive for the wedding and just ‘help’ the bride ‘fix her hair up a little’ and ‘just the merest hint of blush’ and ‘No, really! You’ll hardly be able to see the eyeshadow’, etc.”

“I wouldn’t take the chance. I’d uninvite them NOW and tell them it’s a direct result of their bullying/pushing/goading the bride to be what they want her to be.”Billowing_Flags

“Your mom and sister are working hard to ruin her wedding by doing this. I would tell them that the next peep out of them is the one where they get disinvited.”RaederX

“Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. By the sound of it – both you and your fiancee have your heads screwed on right.”

“A wedding should be about a commitment to a shared life together – it’s not about having an Instagram perfect event for likes. The marriage that comes after is infinitely more important and will (hopefully) be with you for the rest of your days.”

“Especially in times where numbers are so restricted, anyone not onboard with celebrating your union in a way that makes both you and your fiancee feel loved and supported don’t need to be there.”

“NTA”Fraerie

A few wondered if the mother and sister should be in their lives at all.

“Do they contribute anything positive to your life? Does your relationship with them build you up or bring you joy in any way? If not, why are they still invited?”

“They are harassing you both repeatedly and showing a complete lack of basic respect. You are allowed to walk away from selfish people who bring misery to your life. It’s ok to look after yourselves first. In fact, it’s your responsibility to do so.”

“Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Wishing you so much love and happiness together.”HappyBi-cycle

“If your mom and sister have said anything about this to your fiancée more than once, they need to be blocked.”

“NTA”Fredredphooey

The OP admittedly felt terrible at the thought of uninviting his own family from his small wedding, but the subReddit potentially saw it as the right thing to do.

Not only would he be standing up for his vision of the wedding, but he would be standing up for who his bride is, and that’s wildly important.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.