When one person in a couple proposes, they’re faced with a couple options.
There is the traditional approach that includes the ring, getting down on one knee, some kind of speech and presumably some VERY heavy eye contact.
But some folks opt to go against the grain. They toss tradition aside and devise a more personalized proposal—maybe it happens in a special place or during some activity that holds deep meaning to that unique relationship.
The non-traditional route can be lovely, of course. A proposal that conveys so much thought and attention can go super well and knock their partner’s socks off.
But it’s a high risk, high reward situation.
For one Redditor—they go by khajitthrowaway on the site—the nontraditional route offered an exciting chance to honor fond memories.
But, as their post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated, there was a slight snag:
“AITA for proposing to my girlfriend with a video game relic instead of a ring and refusing to buy a ring after?”
The Original Poster (OP) began with some relationship backstory.
“My girlfriend and I met in a skyrim meme page in 2014 and have been together for 6 years.”
“Last week was our anniversary and I decided I wanted to propose. Since we met via Skyrim, I thought I would promise with the amulet of Mara, which is the symbol that someone is ready for marriage.”
Then OP explained their rationale behind the proposal.
“She doesn’t really wear jewelry or anything and has never shown me a ring she likes when we’ve talked about marriage so I thought it’d be sweet to have something that brought us together.”
“I set up this whole picnic with our favorite things and when I proposed, she looked sad and asked about a ring. I told her I thought the amulet of Mara was sweet because we met via Skyrim.”
After the initial event, further discussion followed.
“The other day she sat me down and said she thought the amulet was very sweet and she liked it, but she wanted to go ring shopping.”
“I told her I had already bought the necklace and I didn’t see any reason for a ring since I didn’t propose with one. She said she appreciated the sweet gesture but she really wanted a traditional ring.”
And the back and forth went on and on.
“We got in an argument and it’s been tense the last few days.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The majority of responses to the post identified OP as, indeed, the one at fault.
“YTA. She nicely expressed her appreciation for the gesture but also wants a ring. She was kind and mature about it.”
“If it’s a money issue split the cost of both pieces of jewelry or something but it’s not an insult to want an engagement ring.” — lightwoodorchestra
“YTA, not for proposing with the amulet, but for refusing to get a ring when it’s clearly something that’s important to your girlfriend.” — lincra
“Sorry YTA. What you did was very thoughtful and sweet but you became the a**hole when you refused to buy her a ring.”
“Any friends and family are honestly going to laugh when they see what her “engagement ring” is – a prop from a video game. Stuff like that is not timeless, she will not want to wear that in 10, 20 years time.”
“Please get her a ring.” — fluff_fluff_fluff
Some comments highlighted what they viewed as selfish motivation.
“YTA, is this for you, or for her? If it’s for her, give her what SHE wants, not what YOU want. Simple as that.” — bebett
“YTA. If you and your fiancé BOTH want to go with a different tradition, it’s all good.”
“But ignoring her desire to go with your culturally standard marriage tradition just because you think a video game tradition is better is perhaps a sign you’re not totally ready for marriage.”
“If you were going to eschew rings you should have discussed with her previously that she would be ok with that.”
“The onus is not on her to discuss wanting rings with you previously because that’s the standard for your culture and it would be like saying ‘since we’re getting married, I’m considering having a wedding.'” — maggienetism
“At this point, YTA. Your approach to proposing was very sincere and thoughtful, which is a beautiful thing. The thought process that led to your decision makes sense, in a certain light.”
“That said, you made a unilateral decision that will impact her for the rest of your lives without getting her input on a subject that can be highly personal and emotion-based. Now that she’s respectfully shared her wishes, it’s time for you to listen.”
“You guys need to come together on a vision for the symbols of your marriage. If she wants to wear a ring as her symbol, you need to give her a ring. She should also give you what you want as your symbol.”
“Trust me -humbling yourself and giving her exactly what she’s asking for in this matter will truly be appreciated by her for a lifetime.” — nowthatsmagic
A few people were amazed that OP couldn’t understand their partner’s motivations.
“YTA, concerning lack of self awareness you don’t realize that already” — AwkwardSmallTalkYes
“YTA. You crossed into AH territory when she very politely explained she would still like a ring and you dismissed it entirely because you saw ‘no reason.'” — Ocean_Spice
“Yta for saying you saw no reason to get a ring. It doesn’t even have to be expensive.” — farawaythinker
Some even called OP out on his shaky understanding of the video game relic’s meaning.
“YTA.”
“Amulet of Mara indicates to strangers you’re looking to find a partner. Engagement rings indicate to strangers you have a partner.”
“Cmon dude” — FungusMcChungus
With no edits or updates made to the original post, it remains unclear exactly what OP’s partner will be wearing from now until the wedding. If there still is one.