There is no news a child wants to hear less than their parents getting divorced.
No matter how old they get.
What children might not understand is that getting a divorce is never a decision parents make lightly.
And is sometimes the only way to improving their lives.
The parents of a recent Redditor separated when she was a teenager.
But not only did the original poster (OP)’s parents remain friends, they also continued to live together.
It was for this reason that the OP was beyond surprised to hear from her mother that her parents were finally getting divorced.
A decision the OP’s older sister encouraged them to make, resulting in the OP calling her “heartless”.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my sister heartless for pushing our separated parents to finally divorce?”
The OP explained why they felt compelled to call her sister “heartless”:
“I (22 F[emale]) have a pretty unique living situation.”
“When I was 16 my mom came out as a lesbian.”
“At first it was a shock, but then it felt right.”
“She told my dad before me and my sister (who was 21, 27 now) so we didn’t see his reaction but he was incredibly accepting.”
“Having so much love for my mum, he just wanted her to be happy.”
“Thats not the unique part, that part is that they stayed married and decided not to divorce.”
“They’re separated and date other people but still live under the same roof.”
“It started off that way because when I was 16 I was going through tough exams and they didn’t want to change home too much (mums idea), so it just kinda stayed?”
“To be honest it did help, and whilst at first it felt different but quickly everything fell into place.”
“They decided divorce was such a lengthy process, and they get on so well, really best friends, it wasn’t really like much had changed, only that my dad stayed in the guest room.”
“They decided that if either of them got in a serious relationship, then they’d divorce, but still live close to each other.”
“They started dating other people pretty soon after.”
“Ironically my dad got more dates than my mum, turned out her single friends always had a thing for him lol which we even joked about before.”
“Anyway thats a long way to say they were happy living with each other and not being divorced.”
“Sometime in the past month my dad called me, inviting me out for a movie.”
“I was confused, because my parents go on friend ‘dates’ like twice a month to go see a movie, turned out she’d blown him off.”
“When I got there my dad talked about how my mum was acting weird, she was ignoring him a lot.”
“This worried me, so I called her to meet up.”
“I met up with my mum over coffee and asked if she was alright.”
“She acted odd and brushed it off, before I mentioned stuff with my dad.”
“She acted weird again, and then straight up laid it on me that she was ‘finalising the divorce’.”
“Shocked, I asked her why, and asked if she’d found someone and she said she hadn’t, then said ‘isn’t it weird we’re still married? There’s no point’.”
“I guess I hadn’t thought about that, but still, it was odd and random.”
“She also discussed her plans to move to a city 5 hours away from us, which in the UK is a big change.”
“I called my sister straight after I got home, telling her about it, worried about our dad, and she said ‘oh she finally did it’.”
“Confused, I asked her what she meant, and she said something like ‘aren’t you embarrassed?”
“Don’t your friends find it weird they’re still together?'”
“‘And that our dad should ‘get a grip’.”
“I lost it.”
“I asked why a 27 year old woman would give a sh*t about something like that, and called her heartless because she knows our dad is still in love with our mum, even though it’s harmless and he just wants her to be happy.”
“Our mum is also very introverted and will hate moving.”
“But I want to know, am I doing this just because I want my parents to be together?”
“Am I being a selfish a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community had trouble sympathizing with the OP, largely agreeing that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for calling her sister “heartless”.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was not at all thinking of what was in her parents best interests, and was only thinking of herself.
“YTA.”
“You are looking at their marriage through the eyes of a child.”
“You think everything is awesome because that’s what they showed you.”
“You don’t really know.”- MamaTalista
“YTA.”
“You mom has wanted a divorce for years.”
“How do you not understand they stayed together for you because you couldn’t handle them getting a divorce?”
“It had to be really difficult for both parents to stay together in a weird gut wrenching limbo where they aren’t together but still have to live together.”
“It’s been years.”
“Let them move on with their lives.”
“They aren’t getting back together.”
“Give your dad a chance to move on instead of constantly having the wound of separation reopened every time he comes home to see your mom.”
“You’re 22 but still acting like a child.”- thenexttimebandit
“YTA.”
“You seem to care a lot for someone that thinks your sister shouldn’t care because she’s an adult.”-Disastrous-Nail-640
“Listen.”
“You’re young and relatively inexperienced with relationships.”
“Your parents basically had an open marriage for the sake of the kids.”
“And one parent finally realized to move on, you need to let go.”
“Even if your sister was the one who said the words.”
“You are unable to fully build a healthy and long lasting romantic relationship with a new partner if you’re still financially tied to your spouse.”
“Plus I’d be hard pressed to find a new partner who would be ok with my SO going on ‘dates’ (friend or not) with their spouse.”
“It would make me feel like I was just there to provide their sexual needs.”
“Basically, staying married means the new partner has no path forward, especially if your dad is still in love with your mom.”
“So yeah.”
“YTA.”- allergymom74
“YTA.”
“it was soft but I’d missed that your Dad is still in love with her, I’m 100% on your sister and your mom’s side.”
“This relationship is not healthy.”
“Your mom is gay and your dad is pining over a woman with no romantic interest in him whatsoever.”
“Your mom is a freaking saint.”
“Do you have any idea how uncomfortable this had to be for her?”
“She needs this space and you need to see that she’s a person not just a puzzle piece to fit in and make the picture you and your dad want.”
“They stayed married because it was easier for you kids growing up but you’re grown now.”
“They said they’d divorced if they found someone new they wanted to marry but no quality person is going to start something with someone who’s married—regardless of what extenuating circumstances there are.”
“The need a proper separation to build their own lives.”
“They can still be best friends, they can still hang out but they need to have their own lives too.”
“I know it’s hard and it’s good they get along so well so no issues with inviting both parents to things being awkward but this is for the best for them.”
“Honestly I think your mom got the short end of the stick here.”
“She came out and essentially ended her marriage but she was still living with her husband, Likley playing the wife role in everything except the bedroom.”
“Then her ex starts dating it sounds Like a lot of her old friends (which you say you laugh about but is super weird. This probably made her feel like she had 0 support.)”
“So if your dad was still in love with her was he trying to make her jealous?”
“Do you know how much it must have hurt your mom to feel like no one supported her or cared about what she wanted?”
“Of course your dad dated more sounds like every single straight friend she had was lining up to be with her ex.”
“Meanwhile she’s trying to explore a Totally new world of lesbian dating while living with her husband and kids.”
“Of course your dad was happy with the arrangement- he had a wife everywhere but the bed room and it sounds like his wife’s friends were happy to jump in to fill that part.”
“Meanwhile your mom is in this limbo where she’s an out gay women but still playing house with a man up to and including the wedding ring.”
“Your mom made a HUGE sacrifice for you and your sister.”
“She put her life on hold to ensure you and your sister got to grow up in a stable home and ensure you got the best start possible.”
“This was unbelievably selfless of her but you’re grown.”
“Now she gets to actually start her life as an out gay woman.”
“It makes perfect sense she wants to move a bit away, make a fresh start and start building a life that’s about her not her husband and children.”
“She deserves this.”
“I realize it’s hard but if you genuinely love your mom you should want her to be truly happy.”
“I hope she has a wonderful life, finds someone she can truly love and a happy fulfilling life that is truly hers.”- acegirl1985
Anyone would likely be surprised to hear their sibling encouraged their parents to get divorced.
However, the situation of the OP’s parents is not like most, and as such, the OP’s sister was truly only thinking of what was probably best for them.
If anything, she showed just how big a heart she had, proving herself to be anything but heartless.