A birthday is your special day.
The one day a year you should have no guilt whatsoever about celebrating yourself.
As such, one should do exactly what they want to on their birthday.
But other people, namely friends and family, can sometimes get in the way of that.
Most of the time, their heart is at least in the right place, as they want to celebrate you.
This sadly wasn’t the case for Redditor Dreygoryn, whose aunts took control over one of the most important aspects of one’s birthday.
And the original poster (OP) did not let their displeasure about this go unnoticed.
Worried that they may have behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to eat my birthday cake because it looked disgusting?”
The OP explained how an outing to choose their birthday cake quickly went sour thanks to their aunts.
“Yesterday was my birthday.”
“This year my mom wanted to throw me a big party with all of our close relatives.”
“I get along with pretty much everyone so I was happy with the idea.”
“We went to the city centre to choose a birthday cake.”
“We came across a store with beautiful cakes.”
“I immediately chose one I liked.”
“When my mom was gonna pay for it, my aunts interfered and asked the price.”
“It was a bit expensive, but my mom assured me it was okay.”
“However my aunts insisted that it was unnecessarily expensive and they know a bakery with much cheaper prices.”
“They accused the owner of being a thief and with that, he asked us to leave the shop angrily.”
“At that point, I was pretty pissed but, for my mom’s sake I tried to keep calm.”
“The bakery they wanted to go to was absolutely horrendous.”
“The place was filthy and there were flies everywhere, even on the pastries.”
“When we looked inside, there was only one single chocolate cake on the display window.”
“I have to let you know that I absolutely hate chocolate cakes.”
“Not to mention the cake looked not fresh, as it was baked a couple of days ago.”
“The caramel on top was looking weird.”
‘When I opened my mouth to speak, one of my aunts said we were gonna take the cake and they were gonna buy for us.”
‘That night, after I blew out my candles, I told them I was not going to eat my part, so they can give it to someone else.”
“They pressed the issue a couple of times, and I again politely declined.”
“After that one of them told me I was being ungrateful when children on the street would die to have a slice.”
“I yelled I didn’t want to eat their disgusting cake and they can give it to the children on the street for all I care.”
“Now my mom thinks I’m an a**hole and embarrassed her in front of the whole family.”
“She said she’s not gonna talk to me until I apologize to them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to eat a slice of the cake his aunts bought him.
Everyone agreed that it was out of line for the OP’s aunts to tell their mother not to buy the cake they wanted, and they shouldn’t have had to eat a cake that came from an unsanitary bakery.
“NTA.”
“I mean, you wanted a cake and mom can afford it.”
“Your aunt is in the wrong for pressuring your mom to buy a cake you don’t like.”
“Also, your mom knows that you don’t like chocolate cake?”
“I mean it’s your birthday so the cake should be with what flavor you like.”- Petronela257
“NTA.”
“I’m curious as to why your mum let your aunts bully her out of getting you the cake you wanted that she said was fine and affordable?”- Churchie-Baby
“NTA.”
“It sounds like you would have been better off going through the trash of the expensive bakery.”
“A cake that ‘looks weird’ made days ago in a bakery full of flies.”
“Your mom embarrassed herself by not having a spine in front of your aunts.”
“‘Children on the street would die to have a slice’.”
“I don’t think all the children would die.”
“Some might be lucky and just get sick.”
“This sounds like a cartoon strip I like, ‘Drunken Bakers.'”
“No doubt you could see what I mean if you looked for images on the internet.”- Stoat__King
“NTA.”
“This was supposed to be your day and your mother needs to learn to stand up to your aunts.”-redcore4
“NTA you said you didn’t want it.’
“Was your mom there when the cake was bought?”
“Did she see the flies?”
“Your aunt is a bit out of place and your mom should have spoken up.”- Informal_Evening_249
“NTA.”
“I don’t even blame you for yelling, they were jerks on your birthday and made it your problem.”
“Your mom seems to enable them, which sucks.”
“Your aunts shouldn’t be ruling over your life like that, and I think it would be best to buy things when they aren’t around.”- ooooooooooooolivia
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to eat it either, after having seen where it came from.”
“Not one bite.”
“I wonder why your aunts are so worried about your mum’s money.”
“And why your mum didn’t just stick to her guns.”- sunrise_library
“NTA.”
“Your aunts pressured your mum into buying a nasty cake and then you were pressured to eat it.”
“And then they tried to guilt trip you with a version of the old ‘starving children in Africa’ chestnut when you refused.”
“You wouldn’t have blown up if you’d had a decent cake, but your aunts decided you were only worth a cheap one, and your mum was too much of a people pleaser to disagree, so your aunts and mum all contributed to this situation.”
“It’s never a good idea to try and force people, especially children, to eat food, and then make them feel guilty about not eating it by saying other children would die for the chance to have it.”
‘A lot of people have developed unhealthy relationships with/behaviors around food because of that.”
“And so what if some other child would want to eat that food?”
“You didn’t want to, so you shouldn’t be made to.”
“Maybe you could’ve kept your temper in check, but it’s understandable why you didn’t.”
“It sounds like this situation was brewing all day and it, unfortunately, came to a head at the party.”
“Maybe you could apologize just to keep the peace, and you also could tell your mum that you were upset by her not standing up for you, especially on your birthday, and especially since she knows you hate chocolate cake, and it made you feel that your aunts are more important to her than her own child is.”
“And you could say to your aunts that you’re sorry for shouting at them, but that you’re not sorry for not eating the cake, because you hate chocolate cake and you don’t understand why they bought it.”- Fearless-Golf-8496
“They insulted the baker of the cake you wanted, took you to one with health violations, know you so little that they don’t know you don’t like chocolate cake, then rudely pressed you repeatedly in public.”
“NTA.”
“They over-rode you on your birthday, and deliberately backed you into a corner.”
“Could you have been politer?”
“Yes.”
“Did they deserve what they got?”
“Yes.”- dragonsfriend-9271
“NTA.”
“It’s your day, your mom could afford the cake and the aunts have no right to butt in.”
“I wonder why the aunts wanted mum to spare the money.”
“I have a couple of ideas, but I don’t think you’d like them.”- SadRagdoll96
“NTA.”
“But everyone else is.”
“Your aunts and your mom effectively made sure you didn’t get a cake on your birthday since they insisted on buying one you didn’t like.”
“That’s low.”- sarcosaurus
“You chose a cake.”
“Aunts objected, made a fuss, and insulted the owner to get you thrown out so you couldn’t have that cake.”
“Aunts are bullies and abusive people.”
“Mom didn’t stand up for you.”
“Mom owes you an apology for this.”
“Aunts do too, but they won’t do it.”
“Also, in the midst of all that, they insulted you by claiming your cake choice, at the bakery your mother took you to, was too expensive.”
“They weren’t being asked to pay, so the price wasn’t their business.”
“They were basically saying you weren’t worth the cake you picked out.”
“That’s cruel, insulting, nasty, emotionally abusive behavior.”
“Then they found a horrible bakery and a cake you couldn’t eat, and insisted on it.”
“They bought it so that your mother wouldn’t dare find another bakery and get you a good cake.”
“This was intentionally cruel.”
“Aunts owe you the apology.”
“They ruined your cake, your cake-buying trip, and your joy in your party with their cruelty.”
“You politely blew out candles on a cake you were disgusted at.”
“You politely declined, repeatedly.”
“The Aunts insulted you, told you how to feel, told you weren’t acting/feeling/being what they wanted.”
“They want compliance to their abuses, victims that will comply and not object.”
“You did the right thing to object to their abuse of you, to show that you will not comply, that they cannot control you like they do your mother.”
“There was nothing in any of that for you to feel grateful about.”
“No one should be forced to feel grateful for being abused, having their party destroyed by abusive bullies or any of these cruelties.”
“Did you yell?”
“Yes.”
“You were provoked to do so because the bullies wouldn’t stop being bullies to you.”
“THEY were wrong to do this.”
“Your yelling wasn’t wrong at all.”
“It came from a justified anger and frustration at their wrong behaviors.”
“You didn’t embarrass your mother.”
“The abusive bullying aunts did that.”
“All you did was object to their abusive bullying behavior.”
“Any family member there with any sense at all could see this, that the aunts were being nasty, that the cake was nasty, that this was aimed at destroying your party and stealing your joy and ruining your day.”
“And your mother embarrassed herself by not telling the aunts to leave the first bakery while she bought the cake you actually wanted.”
“I’m not blaming her, because the aunts have obviously trained her for decades to comply with their demands on her.”
“I’m guessing she’s terrified of not complying with them because they taught her to be terrified when she was too small to see that it was wrong.”
“But now?”
“She should get help to learn how to protect herself and you from them.”
“Your mom is wrong.”
“She’s learned to normalize their abuse and please them.”
“She needs therapy to help her see that this isn’t normal and that the aunts are abusive.”
“She needs therapy to learn how to stand up to them and to be proud of you for how you stood up to them.”
“You are NTA.”
“The apologies here should all be TO you, not from you.”
“Mom needs to apologize for the silent treatment, for how your day was ruined by these abusive people, for how she wasn’t able to tell them to leave her home because of what they did to you, and to her.”
“I hope she can see this, and change and learn and grow yet.”
“Her compliance and fear are part of the abuses done to her by the aunts for all these years.”
“She can learn to stop enabling them if she wants to learn from this.”
“She can limit contact with them, to protect both of you.”
“Aunts need to apologize for their whole string of insults and abuses.”
“They won’t.”
“They won’t admit they did wrong or that this was abuse.”
“They will blame others instead, like you.”
“And their blame will be about things that are not the real issues and problems, like your supposed lack of gratitude for a trash cake that they forced on you after they created a scene that prevented you from getting the one you wanted.”
“This is all the fault of the aunts, not you.”
“You did the right thing, objecting to their behaviors and their stupid trash cake and the way they ruined your party.”- blueberryyogurtcup
One could argue that any gesture or gift should be appreciated.
But it would be hard for anyone to be grateful to the OP’s aunts after they refused to let their mother buy them the cake they wanted, and then proceeded to get him a cake they would never eat.
Hopefully, the OP’s mother will think a bit more clearly about whether or not her child is the one who owes an apology.