We don’t have the same relationship with all of our friends.
Some of our friends we love as much, or even more, than some of our family.
Other friends we have a slightly more complicated relationship with, but still enjoy spending time with and are grateful to have them be a part of our lives.
Then there are those unfortunate situations when someone views us as a friend, but we don’t reciprocate their feelings.
Mainly because they only want to be friends with us for their own convenience.
Redditor DroidFit3625 so impressed the mother of one of her daughter’s schoolmates with a recent project that she asked the OP to complete another one for her own daughter.
When the OP told her that she didn’t have time for that, this supposed “friend” was unwilling to take no for an answer.
After eventually being cussed out by this fellow mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for refusing to make a birthday cake for my daughter’s friend?”
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with a fellow mother:
“I (33 F[emale]) work a stressful and demanding job with long hours.”
“Even when I’m done with my work day, I am still technically on-call so I treasure my free time.”
“In my college days, I used to work at a bakery part time to pay for school and picked up some cake decoration skills from the confectioner.”
“I quit the job when I graduated but have made some elaborate cakes once in a while in the years since, mainly for my partner or other family and friends.”
“I lean heavily into my engineering background to make them one of a kind but a major reason they come out so well is because I make them out of love and with the person they’re intended for in mind.”
“A few months ago, it was my daughter’s (4 F) birthday and we had a birthday party for her where we invited some of her preschool friends and their parents.”
“My daughter has been obsessed with Rapunzel and for her birthday, she asked me to make her a Rapunzel cake with a tower.”
“I took a week off of work and made an amazing cake.”
“My daughter was incredibly happy and it was the talk of her friends circle for a while after as well.”
“Last week, I was picking up my daughter from school when I ran into one of moms (we’ll call her Aly) that was at my daughter’s party.”
“I had spoken to her briefly at the party but that was my only interaction with her.”
“She told me her daughter, Kara (4 F), loved the cake I made for my daughter and since her birthday is coming in a few days, she has repeatedly insisted on having a similar cake for her birthday.”
“She asked me if I would be willing to make a cake for Kara as well.”
“I told her it took me a lot of time and effort to make the cake for my daughter and I am not sure I could accommodate it.”
“She kept insisting, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I was running late so I told her I’ll think about it and let her know.”
“She took down my number before I left.”
“Later that evening, I asked my daughter if Kara is a close friend since I hadn’t heard about her more than a handful of times.”
“She said Kara is bossy and she doesn’t like her but she’s friends with her best friend.”
“I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle and texted Aly to let me know I can’t do it because of my schedule.”
“She replied saying she would really like me to do it and it would make her daughter very happy, and that she was willing to pay me for it as well. I told her I understand but that it wasn’t about the money so much as it was about the time and effort involved, and I’d be happy to recommend some excellent bakeries in the area that could make a custom cake for her daughter.”
“She said that I had managed to find the time to make it for my daughter and surely I can find some for Kara as well.”
“I was miffed by now and I told her that isn’t for her to decide and that I’m just not interested in doing it or continuing the conversation.”
“She devolved into cussing me out and told me I was being an AH by not thinking of her daughter’s happiness.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to make a cake for Kara.
Everyone agreed that Kara’s mother was being beyond ridiculous, with many feeling it was pretty clear where Kara got her bossy behavior from:
“‘She said Kara is bossy and she doesn’t like her but she’s friends with her best friend’.”
“NTA.”
“Based on this woman’s insistence that you have the time to bake an elaborate birthday cake for her daughter, some behaviors are learned and that little acorn did not fall far from the tree.”-quincebush
“NTA.”
“Send her a quote for what you make in a week on top of a standard rate for a cake of the size and complexity she wants.”
“And charge her an inconvenience fee as well since this could impact your job.”
“Also, easy to see where Kara gets her attitude from.”- Current_Echo3140
“NTA.”
“HER daughter’s happiness is not your responsibility.”
“You told her you didn’t have the time and offered to recommend some bakeries, and she got snarky with you.”
“You may have dodged a bullet here; if you made one for Kara, you might have had entitled moms popping out of the woodwork demanding that you make a cake for little Snotfuss or little Reebeckhah.”
“No means no.”- CrazyOldBag
“F*ck her and the horse she rode in on.”
“NTA.”- CauseCausit
“Holy buckets.”
“NTA.”
“To insinuate that you’re wrong for ‘finding the time’ for your own daughter, but not a child you’ve barely met just set me over the edge.”- lopingwolf
“NTA.”
“The idea that you find time to do things for your kid but not random other kids shouldn’t be surprising.”
“This woman is a taker and I would stay away.”- Superb_Drop1313
“NTA.”
“It’s pretty common for a parent to put extra time/effort into their own child versus another’s.”
“Even if you weren’t super busy you’d still have every right to say no.”- Pandawithoutpride
“NTA.”
“If she’s so concerned about her daughter’s happiness, SHE can take a week off work and bake it HERSELF!!”- MonkeyMom2
“NTA.”
“I’m starting to think that she asked around and found out a cake like the one you made are very expensive and thought maybe trying to get you to do it she could pay you less.”
“Sounds like she doesn’t want to pay the cost to find or work to find a bakery to make that type of cake and she doesn’t want to deal with her kids tantrum or meltdown when she doesn’t get said cake.”
“It’s ludicrous that she thinks making time to do something for her kid is equivalent to you making time for your own kid.”- Ok-Aspect-8582
“Holy entitlement Batman!”
“Keep all these texts!”
“If Aly starts badmouthing you, post them or share them for everyone to see.”
“NTA.”- mama_d63
“Well we know where Kara gets it from now.”
“NTA.”- Defiant_Blueberry_44
“NTA.”
“’Your daughter’s happiness isn’t my concern or responsibility’.”
“‘Since you can’t seem to take no for an answer and are harassing me about this matter, I will be blocking your number’.”
“And then block her number.”- Disastrous-Nail-640
“Imagine a stranger thinking you should put the same amount of effort into their kid, as you do your own.”
“Some parents don’t realise their children aren’t universally adored by randomers.”
“NTA in the slightest.”- Awkward_Pen7680
“I can see where the woman’s daughter gets her bossy attitude.”
“You should have just stopped texting this woman after your second explanation of no.”
“NTA.”- Intelcourier
“NTA.”
“Send her a photo of the cake so she can get a local bakery to make it.”
“It’ll be a zillion dollars.”
“I’m offended on your behalf that she only offered to pay you once you said no initially.”- km4098
It’s one thing for Kara’s mother to ask if the OP could make a cake for her.
It’s quite another to demand and expect the OP to do so, let alone guilt-trip her when she didn’t get her way.
It’s safe to say that Kara is NEVER going to taste one of the OP’s cakes ever again.
As her chances of being invited to the OP’s daughter’s birthday next year seem slim to none.