Being someone’s parent doesn’t excuse abusive behavior.
People are entitled to privacy and boundaries, and you need to respect them regardless of your relationship.
So, when someone doesn’t respect those boundaries, drastic measures will be take.
Redditor Blue_Valkyrie8 encountered this very issue with their child’s father. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not giving my new number to daughter’s father?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I recently got a new phone number and did not give it to my daughter’s father. He and his parent’s are completely furious at this.”
“I explained to them that in the 5 years that I have known them, this is the 7th time I’ve had to change it. I have had many problems with my daughter’s dad.”
“One reason is he will add me to group text with his friends and talk bad about me. I’ve told him multiple times I don’t want his friends to have my number as they will call or text at random hours and leave horrible messages.”
“I don’t need the stress.”
“This has gone on years. This last time I had finally had enough as I hate changing my number and it cost money to do so.”
OP changed it one last time.
“So, I changed it, and sent him and his parent’s an email stating it’s been changed and if they need to contact me it can be through email or Facebook.”
“This has them completely furious with me, stating that what if there’s an emergency. That it’s illegal for me to keep my number from them.”
“I keep getting emails asking for the number, and I keep stating the same thing. AITA for not giving them my number?”
OP added some updates.
“Update: custody agreement is he gets 2 video chats a week through Skype or Facebook messenger. He only sees his daughter once or twice a year. She is 10 years old.”
“Update: a lot of people suggested a co parenting app, my lawyer did try to get us on one, but he wouldn’t agree to it as he said he wouldn’t be able to really express himself.”
“Thank you everyone who suggested Google voice. It sounds like it would be good to use and not cost me every time I need to change the number.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were conflicted about who was at fault.
“Not sure where you are but there are apps designed specifically for divorced parents to contact each other.”
“All communications are logged. Some are court approved in the U.S. so can be used as evidence in custody issues. I know for sure that ourfamilywizard is one of the better ones and is court approved.” ~ Just_Temperature6716
“Lots of people in low connectivity areas use FB messenger or another wifi compatible service to make regular contact with others.”
“Lots of teens without real cell phone plans do what they can to stay connected and the industry usually matches that need with new products and services. He probably uses these things no matter what so he needs to stop treating OP like an ex he wants to get back at and instead treat her as a coparent.”
“No excuse to act like a horrible human being to the person doing 99% of the parenting.”
“His daughter’s best wishes are clearly not at heart, even the most basic things of knowing your mom’s number for emergencies has needed to change SEVEN times? I would have tapped out at the second.”
“Interestingly the cycle of domestic abuse happens an average of 7 times before people get out, 7 might just be the magic I’m done with this BS number.”
“NTA” ~ Primary-Eggplant-612
Many agreed with today’s technology it is unnecessary to have someone’s phone number.
“Not express himself normally means he would have to watch how he acts since it’s being monitored and he knows he’s an AH.”
“You’ve given them appropriate methods. They can accept it or not.”
“NTA.” ~ _dharwin
“I told my ex that I would only contact/respond to him via the Talking Parents app (which is FREE if you use it in a browser). And that I would block him on everything else.”
“And if he truly wanted to discuss his daughter, he would use the app. I discussed this with my lawyer, first, and she said it was a valid thing to do, and the courts would not penalize me for it.”
“The Google Voice idea is a great one, though!”
“Note: block him on Facebook & all other social media. He could potentially use it against you.”
“My ex tried. He accused me of being gay because I said a female celebrity was hot. HAHAH!!”
“He said I was clearly trying to influence my daughter into my ‘gay lifestyle’.”
“Ironically, my daughter IS gay, and I’m not. She hasn’t come out to him for obvious reasons, but he suspects.” ~ Aperture-Portal
“NTA – people who are abusing you just hate it when you try to stop them. They want you to stay right at their feet, eating their sh*t like a good little victim.”
“You don’t need to pay any attention to their whining or raging. Protect yourself, god knows they aren’t going to.” ~ mranster
“Ask the judge to mandate the co-parenting app. My wife case the judge did regardless of she or her ex opinions.”
“Tell them your lawyer suggested that in good faith but he refused. Don’t see why the judge won’t do it.” ~ k0rvan
“I don’t understand. He has a means to contact her. The only thing I understand is an emergency situation where you’d need to call. But you can now call on Facebook messenger.” ~ gizzie123
“NTA, also, if they should get your number again and you need to change it once more, let them know it’s to avoid harassment and ask to have the fee waived, in circumstances like that, they can often just waive it no issue.” ~ justSelrach
OP needs to protect themselves and their kid.