Most of us, at some point in our lives, have or will struggle with some aspect of our health: high cholesterol, weighing more than we have before, or simply not loving how we look in that outfit or how we feel when we walk up two flights of stairs.
But these feelings are made even worse when we’re surrounded with negative feedback and pressure to “improve ourselves.”
One young woman on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, however, was facing an extreme amount of pressure.
It went so far, Redditor Sad_Park963 began to wonder if she was in the wrong.
The Original Poster (OP) questioned if she was looking at the situation the wrong way.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not eating just the food my mum has packed (for lunch) for me?”
The OP recently gained weight but for multiple reasons.
“I know the title sounds really childish but please, hear me out:”
“My mum has recently been pushing for me to lose weight and watch my diet. I’ve (19 [Female]) gained around 25kg (from 58kg to 84kg) [or 55lbs (from 127lbs to 185lbs)] in the last 1-2 years but it’s due to a myriad of reasons that doesn’t really involve me being lazy:”
“I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS (and) insulin resistance and my hormones from what I’ve been told by my doctor are not looking so good right now.”
“I’ve stopped playing basketball competitively. I used to play for my state, but because of injuries I’ve had to stop.”
“I’m studying full-time and in my last year of uni, and I’m working full-time with a mixture of 8-12 hour shifts across four hospitals culminating in (60-ish hour work weeks).”
“I’ve been on birth control for the past six months.”
“I’d just like to say that I’m not trying to excuse myself. I’m still doing my best to work out when I can and am trying to limit how much I snack and go for Maccas runs after work.”
The OP’s mother decided to step in and help her lose weight.
“Herein is where my problem starts, my mum has been insisting on packing my food before I go to work/uni every day but the portion sizes she’s been packing have been much too small.”
“I understand what her thought process is and I can also see how she’s trying to shift the ratio of how much fruit and veg I eat as well as my carb intake but it’s just not working.”
“I’ve had co-workers, friends, and my boyfriend alike voice their dismay and disbelief about the amounts that I eat when I’m on break. I can’t pack extra food from home because my mum goes through my bag, my room, and my trash bin every time I leave for work.”
“I’ve taken to buying from hospital cafeterias and servos (not junk food, most of it is just sandwiches or actual meals) because I’ve been so hungry.”
“I’ve been feeling dizzy on shifts and that especially worries me because I’m working in high acuity wards with a really young patient base.”
But the OP’s mother is doing more than just packing small lunches.
“I’ve asked my mum to increase my portion sizes and have also explained weight loss doesn’t happen how she thinks it does but she’s been refusing. She really does think it’s a matter of me just eating what she puts in front of me.”
“I can’t eat dinner in peace at home because she’ll sit across from me at the dining table and shake her head and tell me how concerned she is and that I need to be serious about this issue.”
“I can’t even buy clothes in peace because she’ll say I’m too fat to look good in what I’m wearing; or she’ll buy me clothes herself but they’ll all be in the size I was prior to my weight gain and blame me for not fitting in them.”
“I think I might also have some terrible body dysmorphia because even when I was skinny and I had abs and all of that going for me, I was still constantly being told I needed to lose more weight.”
“So Reddit, AITA for not eating just what my mum has packed for me?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some suggested moving out of the house.
“NTA and you need to get out of that house!” – PaisleyViking
“I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to get out of that house. Your mother is straight-up abusing you.” – GeckoCowboy
“Get out of that house, get on the medication you need for your medical issues, and see if you can get therapy for your dysmorphia before it gets worse.”
“This is abuse. This is not normal. This is not ok. You are not the crazy one here.”
“Don’t try to have a conversation with her about this. This will give her more power over you.”
“You know that the conversation will only give her an opportunity to belittle you more.”
“Get out. Seek help. Being medically and physically and mentally abused is not ok.” – nariko-sedai
Others were concerned about the OP’s current or future relationship with food.
“Her mother is pushing her into an eating disorder” – got_toaskthis
“OP, your mother is abusive and you need to move so you can eat comfortably in peace.”
“The body is very good at knowing what it needs. It knows when it needs more fuel, and it lets us know using hunger.”
“If you’re still hungry, eat more food. when you are full, stop. Simple. Explain that to your mom.” – DarkVikingMermaid
“NTA. Your mom is on a surefire path to assist you in developing a really bad poor relationship with food.”
“Could you tell her that you don’t want her to pack your bag or say anything about food to you anymore? I have a parent who is the same way and will get bent out of shape if what I’m eating doesn’t fit their version of healthy, so I certainly understand how you’re feeling.”
“If she gives you some BS excuse, then maybe you should tell her that you’re getting dizzy spells because of how she’s feeding you and that you could pass out at work. I hope you can resolve this issue ASAP!”
“Also, eat your food away from her if you can” – anarchyshift
On some level, perhaps this mother has the best at heart, but the demonstration of her support is seriously lacking.
It’s clear from this subReddit that the OP needs to surround herself with more positive people, especially when she has multiple medical conditions also to address.