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Woman Refuses To Cancel Birthday Plans To Attend Sister’s Fourth Baby Shower

Woman blowing out birthday candles
Ezra Bailey/Getty Images

A birthday is arguably the one day when people have the right to be the center of attention.

Where, within reason, they can spend the day however they choose.

It’s also a day when they will get bombarded with messages from their friends and loved ones.

Being their one special day a year, it’s understandable that they might be upset if some people forget it’s their birthday.

Redditor Major-Resource-2578 was less than thrilled to learn her sister had forgotten about her birthday.

Making the original poster (OP) even less happy was that her sister even went so far as to schedule something on her birthday.

When the OP decided not to attend, she was surprised to find herself met with anger and resentment from her sister and the rest of her family.

Wondering if she was in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for not going to my sister’s baby shower because it was on my birthday?”

The OP shared how when she received her invitation to her sister’s baby shower, she was rather surprised by the chosen date.

“I (22 F[emale])turned 22 last month.”

“I had plans for my birthday, my fiancé and I planned to go to an art museum in the neighboring city then afterwards go to a buffet restaurant along with some friends.”

“We organized this a couple of months in advance.”

“My sister ‘Lola’ (31 F) is pregnant with her fourth child and for some reason she decided to host the baby shower on my birthday.”

“I didn’t know until she sent out the e-invites around three weeks before the day.”

“I messaged Lola and told her that I’m sorry but the shower is on my birthday and I already made plans to celebrate my birthday.”

“I don’t know if Lola just forgot when my birthday was, which I doubt because our birthdays are 10 days apart, but she got really defensive and passive-aggressively said that it’s fine that I don’t prioritize family.”

“She told me I’m being selfish.”

“Lola told our parents about it and they got mad at me and demanded that I cancel my plans to go to the baby shower and implied that my unborn nibling will hate me if I don’t.”

“I ended up not going to the shower and everyone is royally pissed off at me.”

“Lola has me blocked on everything and my parents are demanding that I apologize to her.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for declining to go to her sister’s baby shower.

Everyone agreed that it was thoughtless of the OP’s sister to schedule her baby shower on her birthday, with many questioning if a fourth child should even have a baby shower, and were equally surprised by her parent’s reaction.


“She didn’t need to host it on your birthday and your priorities are understandable.”

“Your family sounds a bit entitled and manipulative, to be honest.”- realstareyes


“You already had plans.”

“Also she doesn’t need a 4th baby shower.”- poweller65


‘People have baby showers for their 4th?”

“You had plans.”

“Happy Birthday.”- travelkmac


“You cancel plans for the first baby, but I’m surprised the fourth child even gets a baby shower.”

“She should have plenty of baby supplies from the first three, so this just sounds like canvassing for free diapers.”- Keytarfriend


“She knows when your birthday is.”

“It’s her fourth baby.”

“Typically, it would be considered really rude to have a baby shower beyond the first.”

“Some exceptions might be: the other kids are several years older, so no more baby stuff in the house, first child for one of the parents, etc.”

“But it’s her FOURTH.”

“My kid doesn’t know who went to their baby shower or not.”

“Trying to guilt you that your unborn nibling will hate you is bonkers.”

“My kid doesn’t care my mother’s book club bought their pack n play or car seat.”- EquivalentTwo1

‘”I don’t prioritize family.”

“Well, she is the one doing a baby shower on YOUR birthday, talk about priorities here.”

“NTA.”- puky0203


“You had already made plans.”

“Shit happens and she’s ridiculous for being upset about it.”- Mabelisms


“Funny how she called YOU selfish when your birthday is one day a year you didn’t pick and she could’ve chosen any day she wanted for the shower.”

“Her parents and sister are all TA.”- maslacleti


‘She literally has months to do a shower.”

“Choosing that date is a power move.”

‘Implying you are selfish God having other plans than her family and having your parents scold you for it is her guilt tripping you and showing that your parents would choose her over you.”

“Do not go and have a great time by your own!”- KillBatman1921


“Tough to say you don’t prioritize family while she planned a baby shower, for her 4th kid btw, on your birthday.”

“Your sister is entitled.”- imacheckya__


“Who has a baby shower for a 4th kid?”

“Your sister sounds incredibly self-centered.”

“Go have fun on your birthday, and don’t sweat your family’s unreasonableness.”- SummerOracle


“Idk if it is just where I live but people around me typically don’t have more than one baby shower.”

“They typically have a baby shower for their first child and if they do anything else it’s usually if the next child is another gender and they don’t usually have full baby showers after the first.”

“Tbh your family sounds super manipulative.”- itsypersonal


“I think they’re all being quite ridiculous.”

“You absolutely don’t owe anyone an apology.”

“And the nibling is going to hate you?”


“That means your sister, mother, et al are going to be telling the kid all his life that his mean old auntie opted to stick to her birthday plans rather than attend their shower.”

“That’s not good parenting.”

“Are they assuming you’re going to miss all the birthdays too?”



“Tell your family to go f*ck themselves.”- demonicslayer61

“The audacity to even have a baby shower for a FOURTH CHILD.”


“Go and enjoy your birthday.”- HelicopterThink9958

“It seems like your sister doesn’t prioritize family if she wasn’t willing to pick a different day than one meant to celebrate you.”


“Your family sure are though.”- jvyus

“NTA she knew it was your birthday, so it’s on her.”

“Plus why is she having a baby shower for her fourth baby?”- NeedleworkerFluid730

“4TH KID?.”

“NTA.”- Luhdk


“You have plans, and you RSVP’d that you weren’t going within the acceptable time frame.”

“It does seem inconsiderate that Lola did not consider your birthday when ‘prioritizing family’.”

“Even if she did forget, she has to realize people have plans and lives outside her baby shower, for a fourth too which is kind of strange, typically it’s a shower for the first of each gender or if there is a large age gap, maybe a smaller ‘sprinkle’ for the second, and maybe cannot make it.”-theoreticalsandmore


‘While, according to some research, children in the womb may react to music and voices of people they regularly hear, there is no scientific reason to believe, the little one will remember you not being at ‘their’ party that was held, before they were born.”- bhejda


“She organized her own shower, for a 4th baby?”

“SHE Is the AH here.”

“You made plans in advance.”

“You stuck with those plans you had made.”

‘The rest of your family needs to stop putting one of you over the other.”-Algebralovr

“Four baby showers.”

“What an incredible sense of entitlement.”

“No one should be excited to go to this greedy event.”

“NTA.”- young_coastie


“You have prior plans with others which are important to you and them, though evidently not to your sister and parents.”

“Also baby shower is nothing important other than glorified gathering with no real purpose so not going to it won’t cause any suffering to the mother to be or yet to be born baby.”- denasher


“You made plans LONG in advance to the notice of the shower.”

“If it was so important that you be there, why are you finding out about the date along with all of the other guests?”

“I assume your family had an idea that you were planning something for your birthday and you told them when you found out.”

“Their reaction is a bit much.”- rockshow12

It would be one thing if the OP’s birthday simply slipped her sister’s mind, as it happens to the best of us.

But the fact that neither she, nor her parents, even apologized about for mistake, and expected her to cancel her birthday plans is shocking, to say the least.

Truly leaves one to question if the OP is the one who doesn’t “prioritize family”.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.