Maintaining a happy living situation among roommates isn’t always as easy as everyone might hope.
Particularly, when it comes to sharing.
As some people might want to claim or reserve communal spaces of their homes on certain nights, forcing others to move elsewhere.
When it comes to sharing things that aren’t communal, things get a little dicier.
Redditor Ambitious_Jelly9962 shared a home with 4 other roommates.
The original poster (OP), who identified as non-binary, openly admitted to drawing the lucky straw in room assignments, nabbing the largest room with its own private bathroom.
However, when the boyfriend of two of the OP’s roommates moved into their house, these same roommates maintained that the OP should share their private bathroom with their boyfriends.
A demand the OP was unwilling to accept.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not sharing my private bathroom with roommates?”
The OP explained why they were unwilling to make their private bathroom more accessible:
“I’m a 22 yr old amab (assigned male at birth) non binary person.”
“I live in a big shared house with originally 4 other people.”
“The way the house is laid out works is 3 floors with the second one having a main bathroom and all 4 of my roommates’ rooms, and the third being my room, which is like a bigger loft room with a private bathroom right in the middle of it.”
“I pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom.”
“Everything had been going pretty smoothly up till recently.”
“The ‘issue,’ I guess you could say, started with one roommate who was supposed to move out, ended up staying and moved in with her boyfriend, who was already subleasing a room last lease, so he was one of the original 4.”
“Another roommate’s boyfriend is also living with us temporarily, though no one gave me a clear timeframe for how long.”
“And we’re adding a new roommate to fill the spot we thought would be vacant.”
“So now, instead of five people using the shared bathroom, there are seven.”
“Now some of my roommates are making comments suggesting that their boyfriends should be able to use my bathroom.”
“The reasoning is basically that I was ‘assigned male at birth’, so it supposedly makes more sense for their boyfriends to use my space than the main floor bathroom.”
“It sorta feels like they’re trying to gradually justify this as a communal solution.”
“And while I’m usually fine with our house being a very shared, open environment, I draw the line at my actual bedroom being treated like a public access bathroom.”
“Now, to be clear, I was told about the additional people moving in and I said it was fine, since I have my own space and assumed that wouldn’t really affect me.”
“But now it’s starting to feel like I’m being expected to make compromises I never agreed to, in the name of convenience for everyone else.”
“I’m planning to set a firm boundary and let them know that my bathroom is private, full stop.”
“But I can already see them acting like I’m being unhelpful or overprotective of my space.”
“It’s also the fact that maybe if my bathroom were in a hallway, it would be fine, but it’s like literally in the middle of the room.”
“AITA for refusing to let my roommates’ boyfriends use my bathroom, even though I agreed to the added housemates and they think it makes sense because of my assigned gender at birth?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share their private bathroom.
Everyone agreed that this issue had nothing to do with the OP’s gender identity, but as sharing their bathroom would also mean sharing their entire bedroom, the OP had every right to say no:
“NTA.”
“Get a lock for your bedroom door or they will use it without your permission, guaranteed.”- Grymflyk
“NTA.”
“The fact that two of the four have their SOs living with them has nothing to do with you.”
“Your other four legitimate roommates need to kick out the two extras.”- teresajs
“NTA.”
“There was never any gray area that your bathroom should be shared; it’s always been your personal bathroom.”
“If they didn’t want to share with their boyfriends, they shouldn’t have moved them in.”
“Also, crazy that they thought being transphobic would win their argument?”
“What’s wrong with people?”- crispedcreme
“NTA.”
“Your assigned gender at birth has nothing to do with this.”
“What it has to do with is your roommates moving other people into the house and then being unhappy with seven people sharing one bathroom.”
“Since you pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom, it’s yours and you should have exclusive rights to use it.”
“Also, the fact that it’s located in a place that would require you to give them access to your personal space makes it doubly important and you should hold your ground on it.”
“If they don’t like seven people sharing one bathroom, then they should not have moved the extra people in.”
“It’s their problem and they should solve it without involving you at all.”
“Another thing occurs to me, how many people are supposed to be living there?”
“Does the landlord know there are now eight people in the house when originally there were supposed to be five?”
“I kinda lost track of how many people are living there now.”
“It sounds like there are at least seven, if not eight?”
“Anyway, the landlord might consider this to be excessive.”
“Check the terms of your lease to see if it specifies how many people can occupy the house at once.”
“It’s likely that there is a limit, and if your roommates are breaking that, you could all be evicted for not adhering to the terms of the lease.”
“In any case, this problem isn’t yours to solve for them.”
“You pay for your space and bathroom, period.”
“Allowing them to access your bathroom through your personal space doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Your privacy is worth something, so you pay extra for it.”
“If they want another bathroom, let them find another house.”- LonelyOwl68
“NTA.”
“You didn’t ask for all these people to move in so why should you make compromises?”- kmank95
“NTA.”
“‘I was fine with your boyfriends moving in on the assumption that it would not affect me because I pay extra to have my own bathroom’.”
“‘If the bathroom has become an issue, your boyfriends need to move out’.”- meekonesfade
“That would be a quick and hard no for me, too lol.”
“Like, I think I’d literally laugh in their faces for asking lol.”
“Makes me wonder if the dudes were being disgusting and the girls don’t want to confront the issue, so they’re trying to pawn the issue off on you with some sexist excuse lol.”
“I know easier said than done, but you really shouldn’t feel bad, and if they do try to guilt you, please do try to find the humor in their entitlement lol, maybe call them out on it, too, in a (not) joking way lol.”
“I encourage you to even be petty and ask…innocently, for clarification on when they’re leaving, anyways, because wasn’t it a temporary thing?”
“Lol.”
“NTA.”- ZennMD
“This is a weird setup for a house, but if everyone agreed up front that that would be exclusively your bathroom then NTA.”
“Gender is irrelevant.”
“The issue is that it can only be accessed through your room.”
“They didn’t have to move extra people in if the lack of bathrooms was going to be an issue.”-ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“You pay for it and it’s yours.”
“They can move out and find their own places if they want a less shared bathroom.”-tellmemoreabouthat
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how things currently stood between them and their roommates:
“So I got home from work after making this post, and I sh*t you not, one of my f*cking roommates left their toothbrush in my bathroom.”
“I had an understanding that this roommate acknowledged it was my private bathroom, as they are one of the ones who have been here the longest, BUT NOPE.”
“We’re supposed to have a meeting to talk about things for the year, so im gonna just let it rip kindly.”
Everyone deserves a right to privacy.
Including the OP, who pays extra for a larger room, which happens to include a private bathroom.
Sadly, based on everything the OP has said, it seems that their roommates don’t seem to be remotely concerned with the OP’s feelings or comfort.
Leading one to wonder if maybe the OP should find a new living situation, away from these roommates.