It’s never a good feeling to learn that a family member is in a bind.
When we do get this unfortunate news, our first inclination is usually to help them out.
However, if the same family member repeatedly gets themselves into the same bind, we tend to be a little less sympathetic.
The brother of a recent Redditor’s forgetful nature resulted in his putting himself in a somewhat precarious position.
Resulting in both the original poster (OP)’s mother and brother requesting her help.
Help the OP had provided a number of times previously, and was now less inclined to give.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA that I will not give my brother my medication?”
The OP explained why they were in anything but a sharing mood with their brother:
“Background: I (30 F[emale]) and my brother (36 M[ale]) are on the same antidepressant (yay for genetics).”
“We both suffer from anxiety.”
“My brother has failed to request his prescription on time which means he is going without his daily tablet for a few days.”
“This is at least the 4th time I’ve been asked to give him some of mine. I always have in the past.”
“The trouble is, when I have given mine to him in the past, I am then left short for a day or two.”
“My mum always favored my brother’s needs over mine, despite him being a grown man and having a family of his own.”
“I voiced my concerns that if I give him some of mine, again, it means I’m going without for however many days I give him, because my doctor only gives me the exact amount I need to last me 8 weeks before I can get more.”
“My mum has fallen out with me, and essentially called me selfish.”
“My brother is high up in the company he works for so I struggle to see a reason he ‘forgets’ to order his prescription other than he can rely on asking me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share her medication with her brother.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s brother needed to act like a mature adult and be responsible when it came to his health, and that her mother needed to stop coddling and favoring him, and accept the fact that the OP giving her brother her medication could put her health in jeopardy as well:
“NTA.”
“Your brother’s inability to renew his prescription medicine is his problem.”
“Also, you and your brother are both in your thirties.”
“Why is your mother involved in this at all?”- ParticularAd1735
“NTA.”
“Those are your medications, not his.”
“Most pharmacies offer delivery services, blister-packs and online or telephone ordering for refills, and they’ll also offer early refills to cover you for vacation or business trips.”
“Usually a spouse can pick up medication as well.”
“It’s his job to look after himself.”
“Does he give you the number of tablets he ‘borrows’ from you once his Rx is refilled?”
“If he’s not doing that then he’s the real AH for stealing your medication and so is your mom for enabling him and bullying you.”- Radiant_Ad_9912
“Obviously NTA.”
“Your meds are your meds, his meds are his meds.”
“You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.”- Allaboutbird
“With all of the auto-fills and deliveries and everything else pharmacies do these days, there’s no reason he should ever run out.”
“If your mom is so concerned, she can take over the responsibility of managing his rx since he can’t (or won’t) do it himself.”
“NTA.”- Feeling_Move_3157
“A lot of pharmacies can put a recurring prescription on auto-fill and call when it’s ready.”
“There’s no reason your brother can’t do this.”
“You’re NTA for not sharing prescription medicine.”- Live-Blacksmith-1402
“NTA.”
“It’s your brothers problem he needs to solve, whether that’s by speaking to his pharmacy to get things automatically order or by doing the small task of putting reminders in place so he stops forgetting, don’t go enabling this any further and causing issues with getting your prescription in future.”- ceb1995
“NTA.”
“I sympathise with your brother because some people are just bloody useless at remembering things or setting reminders.”
“But that doesn’t take away the frustration for you.”
“I don’t blame you at all for not giving your tablets away to your brother anymore.”
“No matter what anyone is asking for in life, it becomes frigging annoying after a few times.”
“When he knows he doesn’t have you to rely on anymore, maybe he will remember, maybe he won’t.”
“That’s not your problem.”- ThatCouple74
“NTA.”
“He’s responsible for refilling and picking up his prescription.”
“If this is too hard, then he should do prescription deliveries.”
“He can also go and request a few extra pills from the pharmacy until he can see the doctor and get a refill.”
“The women in his life should not be handling the mental load, nor the loss of their own medication, for making sure he has his medication.”
“If it happens once, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”
“But this is a pattern, so nope.”
“He needs to handle it himself like an adult.”- ProfessionalField508
“You are 30 years old.”
“Your mother has no say in this.”
“NTA.”- quidyn
“NTA.”
“But your brother and mother are.”
“Why do some people think it’s ok to ask a reasonable person (you) to make up for the easily fixable inadequacies of an unreasonable person (your brother)?”
“Is it easy and reasonable for your brother to set some alarms in his phone calendar to remind him to order the medication?”
“Yes.”
“Is it easy and reasonable for you to give prescription medication to someone else and go without, risking exacerbation your own illness?”
“No.”
“Time to think about going LC or NC with people who would risk your health and wellbeing for the sake of not being able to set alarms on their phones.”- Ravenclaw_Starshower
“Why does he not give you the pills back when he fills his prescription?”
“And most importantly: Why is his mental health more valuable than yours?”
“And why do you have to pay the price for his repeated mistakes?”
“If it is soooo hard for him to remember his meds, then he can use his mother to help him remember, since she seems to be so willing to help.”
“Or he can use his wife or any of the 100s of tools people use to remember or automate tasks.”
“NTA.”
“Helping him more is enabling his crappy coping mechanisms.”- discordian_floof
“NTA.”
“His doctor can send an emergency script to the pharmacy to get him a few pills until his comes in.”-Rainbow-Mama
“Yea NTA.”
“Yes, you take the same med, but it is a prescription, and technically, you aren’t supposed to share.”
“He really needs to be more responsible.”- Sea-Variety-524
“NTA.”
“For reasons others have stated, and, technically speaking, it is a violation of the law.”-TyrannasaurusRecked
“NTA.”
“My mum and aunt used to give each other some pills if the other forgot to order a new prescription, but in your case your doctor only gives you enough for yourself so you are in the right to refuse, you really need the meds yourself and its your brothers fault that he forgets to order more meds on time, missing pills for a few days will affect your mental health, there is a saying about not setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”- real-experience1
“NTA.”
“It’s weird that your doctor gives you an exact script.”
“What if you can’t get your repeat on the exact day you need it?”
“I completely get forgetting once or twice – I had to use a friend’s meds recently because I was in withdrawal after a day, and my pills were in a travel bag I couldn’t access, but to have this happen repeatedly isn’t ok.”
“Your priority should be your own health.”- Maximum-Ear1745
“Having anxiety myself, I know that knowing you will be short on your medication, triggers anxiety.”
“So don’t give him even a pill.”
“If he were a nice person, he would ‘pay you back’ with his pills, but it seems this is not the case.”
“Sorry, but what do you prefer?”
“You getting an anxiety attack or him?”
“I’d let him enjoy his.”
“Of course, your mum is going to call you selfish!”
“But who’s really the selfish one in here?”
“The one that doesn’t repay the meds or the one who covers him?”
“The one who ‘forgets’ or the one who doesn’t rely on the other?”
“Don’t give him a single pill, let him figure out what to do.”
“NTA.”- Melodic-Dark6545
One can’t help but wonder how the OP’s brother can even continue to function after repeatedly forgetting his medications.
Perhaps it will take seeing how far down he can spiral when the OP doesn’t come to his rescue, that might make him make his health a priority again.
After all, there comes a point in everyone’s life where they can’t continue to rely on their families to bail them out.