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Woman Refuses To Be Friends With Brother’s Wife Who Used To Bully Her In High School

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Imagine if your high school bully didn’t disappear out of your life forever when high school graduation came along.

Going further, imagine if she somehow became a very inescapable aspect of your adult life.

That was the picture painted by a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit.

The Original Poster (OP), known as Unhappy_Confection69 on the site, even penned a title that sounded a heck of a lot like high school. 

“AITA for not including my brothers wife with my friend group?”

OP began with a real-life character sketch. 

“To cut a long story short: My brother married a woman I knew from school.”

“She was known as the mean girl, treated everyone like that. Her mom had the same reputation and everyone said it was learned behavior, that started because their family was wealthy.”

“She made junior and senior year of high school a nightmare for me and most of my friends with her attitude (not helped by teachers letting her away with it).”

Like anyone who dealt with a bully, OP hoped it would end there. 

“I didn’t see her for years and my brother met her in a coffee shop, they hit it off and it was a surprise when she turned out to be his girlfriend.”

“It was also awkward. I don’t like her. She’s changed some but she still has a streak of it in her. Better than she was.”

Then came a new development.

“They got married last year and it hit my brother that she has no friends of her own.”

“She had her family there (her mom is still the biggest asshole ever) but no friends. And so he asked me if I would include her with my friends.”

“He knows I have a solid group of friends and was hoping they would be her friends too.”

But it wasn’t that simple. 

“But none of my friends are on board and honestly, neither am I. So I told him no. There was fallout from this.”

“My brother is pissed and we haven’t had a great relationship in months.”

“He thinks it’s cruel to not try when I know she has no friends, that it’s childish to dislike her over the past and that my friends are a group of a**holes for not being willing to try.”

OP had her own two cents to give as well.

“I told him not everyone wants to be friends with the mean girl who made life hell at any point in their life. That sometimes civil is the best you can muster and that I have always been that.”

“It’s breaking our parents hearts because he’s insisting we can’t be close again unless I make more of an effort.”


A majority of Redditors assured OP she wasn’t the a**hole in this situation. 

In fact, they connected some obvious dots. 

“NTA. There is a reason she has no friends. Your brother married the school bully and wonders why no one wants her around. She is your SIL now and you’ll have to include her in family events, but with your friends – no.”

“Has your brother told his wife to try? To apologize? Why is it the bullied ones are supposed to try harder than the bully?” — scrapqueen

“NTA – there is a reason she doesn’t have friends.. she must not have changed that much after all.”

“She is a grown woman, she can make her own friends, providing she can reign in her meanness enough.”

“your brother has zero right to ask you that.. zero reason to be upset because you don’t want to.” — cmm2007

“NTA. If she’d really changed, she wouldn’t need her husband to force people to be her friend, and at least have tried to apologize and make amends when your brother and her got serious.”

“While it’s reasonable that he wants you and her to be civil at family events, he has absolutely no right to demand that you be friends, let alone demand your friends get on board.” — dr-sparkle

Others pointed to alternatives. 

“NTA. Why can’t she hang out with his friends? Not all personalities mesh. She could show up once and never get invited again. Which I feel is actually worse then never being invited imo.”

“Did your brother even ask her if she wanted him to set up friend dates for her?(strange btw, they are adults why can’t she make her own friends?) And if she knows she was an mean girl back in the day why hasn’t she apologized and made an effort to repair the damages?”

“If she really wanted a deeper than civil relationship with you and your friends she would reach out on her own. Let her find her own friends.” — Due_Pomegranate_9286

“NTA. She can make friends by joining Meetup groups or doing volunteer work. She could go to community events. Your brother could introduce her to his friends and the wives of his friends.”

“You are not her only option. He’s using emotional blackmail to force you to do what he wants. Don’t give in. She never even apologized to you.” — ComprehensiveBand586

Others laid into OP’s brother. 

“NTA. Homie, your brother sounds like he’s being her dad. Setting up friendships with a siblings friend group, after marriage . Weird. Why not his friends?” — wytherlanejazz

“NTA Is he honestly trying to force the other kids to play with his wife?”

“Does he realize how ridiculous that sounds? Why don’t he take her to play with HIS friends? Try to force his friends’ partners to play with her?”

“What does she thinks about all this anyway? Has she shown any interest? Has she apologized for her behavior in the past?” — Horror-Reveal7618

“If your bro keeps bringing it up, tell him loudly that you refuse to babysit his wife. Sounds like there’s a reason he married her. They must have something in common.” — Smooth_Fee

“NTA, and it’s interesting that your bro hasn’t taken a moment to reflect on why his wife doesn’t have any friends of her own.” — Spank_Cakes

If Reddit comments are any indication at all, looks like OP’s sister-in-law will be forced to look elsewhere for an adult friend group. 

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.