At the moment it seems like Taylor Swift rules the world.
Her record-breaking ‘Eras Tour’ has set the universe on fire.
Tickets are not easy to come by.
The prices are asrinomical
Redditor Lower-Let9945 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not staying home from my Eras Tour stop because my SIL’s mom died?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am currently on my flight to Indianapolis to see the Eras tour on Saturday.”
“I bought tickets last year and have been booked and ready with my outfit, friendship bracelets, etc.”
“I have been looking forward to this so much as someone who has been a fan since Red.”
“My S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] Grace told the family last night that her mom died.”
“This is truly heartbreaking, I lost my Dad when I was 20 so I do understand.”
“I went over after work to be with them and also did their laundry for them and fixed them dinner.”
“Before I left I prepared a bunch of wraps to eat and some casserole as well, I was there until 2 am and have barely slept.”
“I got a call this morning from Grace asking if I could come over and spend the morning with her.”
“I told her that unfortunately, I had a few things I had to do before I could leave for my concert.”
“She got very quiet and asked me if I was still going to that.”
“I told her yes, I leave in 5 hours for the airport.”
“She said that she couldn’t believe I could still think about a concert when she had just become an orphan with no one in the world but our family (which is true).”
“I told her that I am so sorry and that when I get back I will take off a few days to be with her if she needs.”
“But that this is something I have been looking forward to and also my friends coming with me are counting on me for things like the hotel, rental car, etc.”
“She got angry and told me that I was a horrible sister-in-law and that she hoped when my mom dies, everyone would abandon me, too.”
“I know this is the shock and grief talking so I am truly not mad at her, when my Dad died I said some pretty chaotic things too.”
“But as I’m sitting on this flight I feel so bad.”
“I did everything I could think of before leaving to make the day-to-day banalities of life a little easier for them.”
“There won’t be a funeral so there’s no real big planning involved.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for still going on this trip despite my SIL really not having a lot of other people to be there for her?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Lost my mom when I was 27.”
“OP is NTA.”
“Looking back, the things I needed the most were friends and people who loved me and spent time with me in the LONG term.”
“OP will be there for her SIL in the long term.”
“Grief is a marathon, not a sprint.” ~ C_bells
“You are going to be gone like what, 48 hours?”
“I feel bad about the situation, but I am not sure what she expected you to do about it.”
“She didn’t need you to plan the funeral or anything. NTA.” ~ egk10isee
“NTA. The world doesn’t stop when you lose someone.”
‘And you can’t make demands of people’s time the way she tried to.” ~ TopAd7154
“Yup. In 1997, first, my oldest sister and then my mom both died exactly 6 months apart.”
“About a month after mom died, I was on a business trip, sitting in a park and crying.”
“I suddenly realized that I’d been frantically trying to force my kids and then B[oy]F[riend], now husband, to fill the sister and mom-shaped holes in my life.”
“And they weren’t ever going to be able to do that, because they had their own places there.”
“That I needed to allow the grief to do what it would.”
“There are still times when I cry, seeing my mom, in my mind’s eye, sitting in her easy chair with her pristine white tennies, listening to the hospice nurse talking about hospice services.”
“Like, right now.”
“OP’s SIL is rightfully heartbroken.”
“But she is not rightfully blaming OP for taking 24 hours off of condolence duty.” ~ McDuchess
“NTA. Even if you missed the concert, she still wouldn’t be happy because she is grieving for her Mum, and no amount of canceled events is actually going to make up for that.”
“And she’ll still be grieving when you get back, by which stage your brother may be quite tired.”
“So tell her that what was said was ‘water under the bridge’ and she is a key part of the family, and you hope she’ll be OK with it, given a bit of time.” ~ Gin_n_Tonic_with_Dog
“NTA. But seriously, if she said that to me, I would not be that forgiving.”
“I have recently lost my own father.”
“I have been in the depths of grief, but there is no excuse for that comment.”
“If this particular comment is ‘water under the bridge,’ if another similar comment was to come, I would absolutely have no problem in drowning her in that water and leaving her there.”
“OP, you have done more than enough, but your world has not stopped like hers.”
“You should carry on. If anything, that is what death shows us, life is for living and grabbing these moments.”
“SIL has support from her spouse who needs to step up and be there. Enjoy Eras!” ~ childfreecarefree
“Seriously if there isn’t going to be a funeral what more does she expect you to do?”
“NTA I am sure it’s her grief talking but that is a really terrible thing for her to say and I am not sure I could get past it without a sincere apology” ~ KeyBox6804
“You miss the concert and what?”
“Sit at home alone because SIL doesn’t want to be surrounded by everyone suffocating her.”
“Or sit at SIL’s home silently while she cries alone or in front of everyone.”
“This is her mother, you have no connection to her, no relationship with her.”
“There is nothing to grieve for you, you can be sad but this isn’t your family.”
“So why would you put your life on hold for a stranger?”
“It’s rude of SIL to expect everyone to put their life and plans on hold for her grief and her loss.”
“Sorry but you’ve still got plans, you still have bills to pay.”
“It sucks what she’s dealing with, but that doesn’t mean your plans drop and your life ceases to exist.”
“She has to accept that everyone else’s world is going to keep moving for them, around her.”
“Don’t feel guilty, there isn’t anything to do for her.”
“And you don’t stop your world for her grief.” ~ New-Link5725
“Listen, don’t worry.”
“You’re NTA.”
“She’s grieving, but it’s not on you to cancel all your plans and lose out on all the money you’ve spent.”
“Go have fun!” ~ theamydoll
“If OP really wants to drop a nuke on this situation, she could tell her brother what her SIL said about their mom dying, because whew, that is wild as hell.”
“NTA OP!!” ~ tothebatcopter
“NTA her wishing your mom dies and everyone leaves you, crosses the line… especially when she’s your brother’s wife and not yours.”
“She’s toxic.” ~ ChiquitaBananaKush
“This is exactly right.”
“My dad died two weeks ago, and I have had trouble just getting dressed and getting my kids to school.”
“My family and friends have been super supportive, but they’re still going about their lives (as they should).”
“They are sad for me and here for me when I want to talk, cry, whatever, but he wasn’t their dad.” ~ anthalou
“How has Grace been abandoned by everyone?”
“Isn’t she married to your brother?”
“Your SIL owes you an apology.”
“Not everyone’s response to grief is to attack another so viciously.”
“Grief isn’t a good enough excuse.”
“Saying a few ‘chaotic’ things or being somewhat snappy or impatient is not on a par with what she said to you.”
“NTA. Enjoy the concert.” ~ Aw_Yeah_Nuh
“You put yourself out to help her quite a bit before you resumed your own life.”
“You offered to take time off and help her again when you get back.”
“I’m starting to understand why she does not have many friends.”
“Grief is painful, but it does not absolve her from being courteous. NTA.” ~ Square-Minimum-6042
“She’s just feeling overwhelmingly alone.”
“I can’t imagine what she is feeling.”
“I don’t think it makes you an AH, you deserve to take your trip.”
“But that also means she sees who is there and who isn’t and you were there and offered to be there again while living your life.”
“You can’t control how she feels.”
“Your brother definitely needs to step it up as someone else said.”
“I’m sorry for both of you.”
“You have lost a parent so you have a lot of compassion.”
“I think you are handling it with grace.”
“You have other people in your life counting on you and also want to celebrate the joys in your life.”
“HAVE FUN.”
“Life is precious and to be lived.”
“Don’t feel guilty.”
“Honestly what you did is so kind to her.”
“I think she wants a rock right now and your brother needs to do that.”
“You will be back.”
“I’m just sorry for you both. NAH.” ~ Comeback_321
“NTA… you aren’t her significant other.”
“You’re the sibling of her S[ignificant] O[ther].”
“Your parent didn’t die.”
“No one even directly related to you died.”
“It’s weird for her to assume you wouldn’t go on your very expensive once-in-a-lifetime trip because her not related to your parents died.”
“If your brother didn’t drop all his plans, that would be more of a possible red flag, but not you.”
“Go and enjoy your concert.”
“I saw it in London and it was amazing.” ~ Rabt_FTS
“NTA. Sometimes, when you experience a significant loss, it’s kind of hard to realize that the rest of the world keeps turning when it feels like yours has completely ended.”
“So it’s not surprising that it seemed strange to her that you’re going to the concert when her world has come crashing down.”
“But it’s not your world, and it’s not your responsibility to support her at this time.”
“You’ve done more than enough, and offered to do more upon your return.”
“She’s lashing out because she’s in pain and can’t understand why the world is acting like the biggest thing in the world didn’t just happen.”
“But that isn’t fair to you.”
“Go and enjoy the concert, offer the support you feel comfortable offering, and hopefully she realizes how off base she was and apologizes when she is in a clearer headspace.” ~ Ldowd096
“Don’t let the dead bury the living.”
“You acknowledged her loss.”
“You provided immediate support and offered more upon your return.”
“She has a spouse.”
“You chose to continue with a long-awaited and likely very expensive trip.”
“She is grieving but also expecting too much.”
“It’s not on you to be her only support or to totally upend your life for her.” ~ Illustrious_Leg_2537
“I understand that grief is an ongoing process that will likely continue past the weekend that you’re taking off.”
“You’re not TA for taking some time to yourself.”
“I hope your SIL has some realizations after the fact to realize that she’s said some horrible things that aren’t excusable even though she’s grieving. NTA.” ~ Snackinpenguin
“NTA. She’s your sister-in-law, not your wife.”
“I do think it would’ve been a really nice thing to cancel your trip but certainly not necessary.”
“I think one thing that everybody learns is that the world doesn’t stop because one person died.”
“I remember learning this many times, as a child when a friend died, when co-workers died, when my mother died, and my best friend.”
“It’s hard to accept sometimes but in reality, I know that when I die, I don’t people to miss out on things because of me.” ~ Internal-Honeydew-42
“NTA. She’s got her husband (I assume your brother) and her mother-in-law to comfort her (at least).”
“Her grief is not your responsibility – enjoy Eras!” ~ rocking_womble
“The fact that she said she hopes everyone abandons you when your mom dies cancels any remorse I conjured up for a stranger whose mom has passed.”
“Go to the concert.” ~ Pretty-Rhubarb-1313
Reddit wants you at that concert OP!
This is a once-in-a-lifetime event.
Those tickets aren’t cheap and they’re hard to come by.
Your SIL has a partner to be there for her while you’re away.
Once she processes her grief more, hopefully, she won’t take this out on you.
Have Fun!