It’s a rough situation for parents when pregnancies are difficult, and births have unexpected complications.
There is already enough to worry about in the mundane details, let alone life-or-death situations.
When problems like this arise, everything else in life is back-burnered.
The main focus is on the new arrivals and the health of the parent who gave birth.
Not everyone agrees with this sentiment.
Redditor SavingsBitter1426 to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for posting screenshots of my S[ister]-I[n]L[aw]’s texts online and ‘making her look bad?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 F[eamle]) and my wife (28 F) had our sons six days ago. The pregnancy was complicated, and they had TTTS (Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome), which resulted in them coming early.”
“They are currently in the Neonatal Unit, and my wife and I practically live there so we can spend time with our boys.”
“My brother and his wife got married two days ago.”
“I didn’t want to leave my sons or my wife, so I missed the wedding, although I sent them a gift from us and a text wishing them a fantastic day.”
“I thought nothing more of it.”
“Yesterday I got a text from my new sister-in-law explaining that because my wife and I missed the wedding she’d need us to send her £140 for our plates of food.”
“I asked her if she was joking, and she told me that she got my wife couldn’t go as she had to stay in the hospital but that I wasn’t the one who gave birth, so I could have gone and saved two plates of food from going to waste.”
“I told her she was being ridiculous and asked if my brother was aware she was asking his sister for money for food.”
“She brushed that off and said weddings are expensive and that she had to try and recoup her losses and this should be between us ‘woman to woman.'”
“Between this and her thinking I should have gone anyway, I admit I lost my temper.”
“I ended up taking screenshots of the conversation and posting it to Facebook.”
“This shocked several people in the family, and she must have gotten bombarded with messages as she told me to take it down, as I was making her look bad, and people were taking it out of context and thinking she was some kind of villain.”
“My brother called me and told me not to worry about the money. He said it was stupid to expect us to pay for the plates, though, and asked me to take the post down, and he’d handle it.”
“He seemed kind of shocked by her even asking this.”
“Did I go too far?”
“My wife is mostly upset by our SIL’s comment about how I wasn’t the one to give birth, as if it makes me less of their mother.”
“Maybe I should have handled it better but I admit at the time I wasn’t thinking very clearly.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’d take down the post as requested, though.”
“It has served its purpose.” ~ ElDjee
“NTA – ‘she’ made herself look bad by having the audacity to text this ridiculous request.”
“Wishing your family speedy healing and best wishes!” ~ Shutupandplayball
“It isn’t even the money.”
“It is the lack of empathy for parents tending to children in a health crisis.”
“Her nephews no less.”
“As a side note, any caterers I know contract for a set number of meals.”
“They generally advise you about ‘over/under’ numbers given that events like the above happen and/or some chucklehead will show up with an uninvited guest.”
“They can cover the ‘over’ (if a small number) but you eat the ‘under.'”
“Fair is fair.”
“I do wonder if there were other no-shows.”
“Not that it matters SIL still TAH.” ~ TowelSpecific4498
“I hate when people get mad that getting exposed makes them look bad.”
“Like, SIL dressed herself.”
“OP just put her on the runway and everyone else rightly judged her ‘look.'” ~ ApathyAstronaut
“This right here all day.”
“Weddings can be expensive.”
“My wife and I brought a BBQ and deputized a family friend as griller in chief.”
“We prepped all our own food with the help of some friends since we have the skills.”
“If you’re looking to cut costs after the fact, it’s a bad sign.”
“We also just had our first.”
“I, as the man in a hetero relationship, was ‘only’ support.”
“We spent a couple of weeks in the hospital due to some complications.”
“As a non-birthing parent, I was not going anywhere but there, thanks.”
“SIL can get stuffed.”
“The good news is, if they overspent on their wedding, the relationship is likely doomed anyhow.” ~ monkeyamongmen
“Congrats on the babies, Momma!”
“I hope they are able to come home soon! NTA.”
“Your SIL is insane to expect you to be there when your wife and babies are in the hospital.”
“You were right where you were supposed to be 💜.” ~ Loose-Chemical-4982
“NTA, personally, I’d have sent them to your brother instead of posting them online, but I don’t think you were wrong to expose her bad behavior.” ~ thaliagorgon
“Same. Sending it to my brother would have been more appropriate, but still NTA because of the audacity and lack of compassion from SIL.”
“She low-key sucks.” ~ Reasonable-Bad-769
“NAH. Putting it out there for everyone to see was the right thing.”
“Now when my brother divorces her in two years because of more stunts this narc will pull, everyone will say ‘I saw this coming when she demanded wedding dinner money while SIL was in hospital with the babies. The cheek of her!’” ~ Imsortofok
“My twins turned 30 this year, but I can still remember those first few days when I kept looking around for an Actual Adult to come to take care of them, only to realize it was me.”
“It’s a shock that hospital people will just send people home with entire babies (twins even!) like that’s a totally sane and normal thing to do.”
“Good luck, and have fun!”
“Twins are an adventure, and you will not be bored.” ~ Clean-Patient-8809
“NTA. It would be tacky to ask in normal circumstances, but asking the parent of preemie twins in the N[eonatal] I[ntensive] C[are] U[nit] is unhinged.” ~ sarabeara12345678910
“NTA. this! But for your brother’s sake, I’d take it down.”
“Nobody is going to forget that, and it will continue to spread anyway!” ~ OrganicFeedback4451
“NTA. She just got married and could be riding the high of that, but instead, she’s pestering people worried sick about their newborns, over MONEY.”
“But she chose to f*ck around, and now she’s finding out. “
“And in my opinion, people deserve to know that SIL is seemingly devoid of compassion so they can avoid talking about sensitive subjects around her.”
“Who knows what awful thing she’ll say next!” ~ peakerforlife
“You didn’t make her look bad.”
“She did that all by herself.”
“It sounds like your brother has a handle on this.”
“I would take it down specifically because he asked.” ~ Solid-Feature-7678
“NTA at all.”
“Some people need public shaming to drop their bulls**t.”
“She said some seriously hurtful things and all over 140 euros.”
“Not a great way to start her entrance into the family.”
“How incredibly rude and mean.”
“And after the reaction of others in your circle, I would suspect most of them would have reacted the same way.”
“Congratulations on your new babies and starting your beautiful family!”
“I hope you and your wife get to take your healthy twins home soon and start enjoying life!” ~ soft_cookie99
“NTA. I see divorce in their future.” ~ Cultural-Camp5793
“NTA… that is beyond messed up, to come asking for money when of course you couldn’t go, your damn wife just gave birth!”
“You would’ve been a terrible partner to her to leave her to go to a wedding.”
“Your SIL seems incredibly tacky, good luck to your brother dealing with that!” ~ imamage_fightme
“NTA. She is some kind of villain.”
“Congratulations on your babies.” ~ BeautifulTerm3753
“NTA. Classy of you to take down the post once your brother handled it too.”
“That was unreasonable of her and a bad way to start off a marriage to want to already keep a secret like that.”
“I hope your wife, the babies, and you all heal quickly and fully.” ~ Healthy-Panda-7936
“NTA. New SIL really got off to a really bad start as a member of your family, didn’t she?”
“What a terrible, self-centered, insensitive person she is.”
“Her saying her demand for the £ should be kept between you, ‘woman to woman,’ makes it very clear your brother didn’t know what she was up to and she didn’t want him to know.”
“You didn’t make her look bad – she did that all by herself.”
“You posted her own words, and I’m sure nobody had to read between the lines to understand what she was saying.”
“It’s really nice, for once, to read that family/friends weighing in didn’t say for the wronged/abused party to let it go, ‘you know how she is, ‘be the ‘bigger person,’ etc, to keep ‘peace in the family.'”
“She is a villain and deserves everything others are saying about and to her.”
“It’s good that your brother is being supportive of the 2 of you and your precious babies but I do feel sorry for him.”
“As for the food going to waste – if the wedding was in the same area where you are, she should have had the *$&! meals brought to you at the hospital!”
“Best wishes to the 4 of you, and here’s hoping you’ll all be able to go home soon.” ~ Outside_Case1530
“NTA… everyone deserves to see her true colors.”
“I highly doubt if you are the only one who’s met the mean girl side of her.”
“You are just the first one to call her out publicly.”
“Your focus needs to be on your wife and those babies.”
“Not your SIL acting like an entitled brat.” ~ Mommabroyles
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your new SIL is a piece of work.
Focus on your family.
You had every right to be upset.
Congratulations on your twins!