We’ve all asked for a favor every now and then, and sometimes offer one in return.
Knowing, however, that we should level our expectations and not assume this favor will be granted.
Favors between family members can be particularly delicate, as there is often an expectation that it’s a done deal.
When most of the time, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Redditor SpruceBear91 was recently enjoying a family dinner.
Things took an unexpected turn, however, when they’re extended family more or less bombarded them with questions.
Specifically, hoping they would do them all a favor of some sort.
Wondering if he handled things as he should have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for walking out after my relatives kept pressuring me to misuse my work access for family favors?”
The OP explained why their family dinner quickly went sour:
“So last night we had a family dinner.”
“My uncle asked me to pull some data for his marketing team since I’m working for a ecommerce company.”
“Also, my aunt persist me to submit a referral for her boyfriend’s son.”
“I said the role needs relevant experience and I will not lie.”
“I told relatives I would not use my job access for any personal favors.”
“I said no data, no internal documents, no priority referrals.”
“Somehow, they also started listing items to buy with my employee discount.”
“I explained policy, conflict rules, and audit trails.”
“Moreover, I showed the code of conduct section on my phone.”
“They told me that nobody gets caught and I should help them.”
“That dinner was too over for me.”
“So I left the restaurant.”
“They seem to not get my point but I will still follow the rules.”
“And I will not attend events where pressure is applied because my job is not a family vending machine.”
“I don’t like people ask me to break policy since I want to respect my limits and not lose the invitation.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for walling out of their family dinner.
Everyone agreed that the OP was there to enjoy their family’s company, not provide them all favors, and he was under no obligation to put up with it:
“NTA.”
“Doing what they want is a fast way to lose that job, whatever it may be.”- therdmlife
“‘I don’t like people asking me to break policy since I want to respect my limits and not lose the invitation’.”
“I mean, you could get fired at best for misusing company assets.”
“Of course your relatives don’t see a down side; there is no downside for them.”
“NTA, and leaving is the best option for when people are being pushy about putting your job at risk for their own personal benefit.”- PlanningVigilante
“NTA.”
“I’m an internal auditor.”
“That’s a really good way to lose your job.”- OHRavenclaw
“NTA.”
“That’s the behavior of selfish people, who don’t appear to care if you could lose your income so they can get what they want from you.”
“If they can’t respect a simple ‘no, I won’t do that,” they simply don’t respect you’.”- Vossenoren
“NTA.”
“Shut them down each and every time.”
“Tell them to forget what job you do because it has nothing to do with them and will never have anything to do with them because you will not be breaking any rules for them.”- WhatInTheA**Pepper
“NTA.”
“Ask them if they are going to pay your salary and benefits if you get fired?”
“Because that is what is going to happen if you did what they asked.”- PrincessBella1
“NTA.”
“Your job isn’t worth losing for this.”- Ma-Hu
“NTA.”
“Ask them if they’re willing to set aside enough $$ in an escrow account to cover your annual salary (including raises, bonuses, health insurance premiums, stock options/RSUs, 401k match, other employer perks) for the remainder of your working life so you can continue to enjoy the lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to when you get fired and can’t get another equivalent job since your professional reputation has been tarnished for doing something stupid.”- seattlekeith
“NTA.”
“Do what it takes to keep and protect your job.”
“And there’s no reason to put up with harassment from people who don’t respect that.”-ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“Your uncle’s request definitely triggers an insider trading risk if he can’t get that data legitimately.”
“Besides, your work’s code of conduct says in black and white that what is asked of you does act directly against that expected conduct.”
“They’re the ones arguing against fact in a vain effort to get what they want when they’re not the ones putting their own jobs on the line.”- lemon_charlie
“NTA.”
“Simply repeat this phrase in response, over and over.”
“‘I could get fired for doing that’.”
“‘I could get FIRED for doing that’.”
“‘I could get fired for doing that’.”
“Say these words over and over, exactly the same way, every single time they say anything about it.”
“Look right at them, say it slowly and clearly so everyone can hear you.”
“They’ll get the message.”- harmlessgrey
“I think there is a massive difference in using employee discount for something and everything else you said.”
“My grandma always used her employment discount so I could buy things I needed, but there was no way I’d ask her to break ethics.”
“NTA.”
“Good on you for standing up to them because it sounds like if you gave in, they would expect it every time.”- Phoenyx_wilson
“NTA.”
“This is a great way to get fired.”
“The only risk to them is you losing your job, and it sounds like they don’t care about that the way they’re carrying on.”- gold-magikarp
“NTA.”
“Don’t feel bad about walking out on anyone who asks you to jeopardize your job.”-WoollyMonster
“NTA.”
“What they are really saying: ‘this thing that I want you to do is more important than you’.”
”’No one, especially family, has the right to treat you like that’.”-HelenAngel
“NTA.”
“The people expecting someone to break the rules for them, never take care of that person after he gets fired for breaking the rules.”- BlueRFR3100
“NTA.”
“It’s not just breaking the rules but risking your job/career.”
“HARD NO!”- Upset_Ad147
“Everyone’s family asks for favors, referrals or employee discounts.”
“They asked and you responded that you were not comfortable with the referral.”
“Tell them if a job that person is qualified for then you’ll let them know. but that will never happen.”
“NTA the insider info is a big no no. push back.”
“NTA.”
“Employee discount.”
“I dont think that it’s that big of a deal but after all the other stuff i would have been the same sorry I can’t do it.”- Apart_Shoulder6089
“NTA.”
“But I’ve certainly used my job to do favors for friends and family, just not in a way that would get my fired.”
“Your uncle’s request?”
“Maybe, depends on the rules.”
“Giving a referral?”
“Lol, no.”
“That’s my reputation.”- jericho
“NTA.”
“Your relatives will add you to the unemployment figures if you cave in to their inane demands.”- Maelienydd_Cymru
“NTA.”
“Protect your job and your reputation.”
“These relatives aren’t going to help you out if you get fired for lying or abusing your privileges.”- Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA.”
“Now would be an absolutely stupid time to lose your job.”
‘The market is complete sh*t.”- Rabt_FTS
“NTA.”
“They won’t help you at all if/when you would be found out by the company.”
“They would just be like oh well, can’t get anything from you now.”- Coffeeman32
“You’re NTA.”
“Don’t allow ANYONE to jeopardize your employment.”- MeMyselfandI1228
“NTA.”
“Sounds like you were in a public place.”
“Next time, say as loudly as you can without actually shouting: ‘No, I will not steal for you, no matter how many times you ask’.”- Haunting-Elk-75
“NTA.”
‘Just cut off contact.”
“These people don’t see you as family they see you as a meal ticket.”
“Why bother with the hassle when one block and all this will be over and done with.”-cantfocuswontfocus
“NTA.”
“They are users without integrity.”
“Integrity is doing the right thing even if you’re unlikely to get caught.”
“You keep on acting as you believe correct.”
“Put distance between yourself and them-because they are basically telling you their word means sh*t and they can never be trusted.”- RubyTx
“Boy, the really piled it on.”
“NTA. I’d bet they’d all be ‘sorry, can’t help’ if you lost your job.”- OldGeekWeirdo
It’s clear that the OP’s family wasn’t giving any thought to how their requests might end up affecting them and their job.
About as clear as the fact that they were only thinking of themselves.
Sadly, selfish people only seem to see the error of their ways when it’s too late to fix them.