Times have been financially hard, especially since the pandemic, and sometimes the easiest thing for everyone is for more people to move in together.
But the more people who live together, the more likely they will disagree about something important in the home, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor GiantDirtRida, for instance, was frustrated with her sister, not for living with her, but for how she dressed, especially when she was spending time around her husband and child.
But when she attempted to talk to her sister about her concerns, the Original Poster (OP) inadvertently caused an argument.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my sister to cover up when she leaves the bedroom?”
The OP’s sister had been living with her family for a while.
“I (25 Female) and my Husband (27 Male) have a home together with our four-year-old.”
“My sister, Julia (20 Female), lives with us because we live close to her college. She has her own room.”
The OP didn’t like how her sister dressed while at home.
“Julia likes to leave the bedroom in a big shirt and underwear, or just a robe, or she walks around the house in her sports bra and booty shorts.”
“I’ve mentioned to her nicely to change before, but she keeps doing it.”
“The other night, she did it again, and I just simply said, ‘Cover up.'”
“She got angry and said she lived there too and accused me of being worried my husband would sexualize her.”
The argument continued.
“I told her that is definitely not the case, but there was a young child in this home, and it wasn’t appropriate, so she needed to cover up before leaving her room.”
“We got into an argument, and I basically said, ‘You could run around your room naked for all I care, but once you leave the bedroom, you need to be covered.'”
“She didn’t like that and has been avoiding me in the house for the past few days.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was the AH for weaponizing her child.
“Honestly, YTA for making it about the kid.”
“Kids shouldn’t be taught that their bodies are shameful and sexual and always covered up. Nothing she’s wearing sounds much different than pajamas for a four-year-old.” – Sequence_Of_Symbols
“YTA. While you have every right to dictate what goes on in your house, using the child to justify your reaction is unnecessary. Kids do not think anything about people’s dress until they are taught to.”
“Would your child be allowed to go to a beach or a pool? If so, then what your sister is wearing is no less than what someone would wear to swim. So you have to come up with a different reason to why it is ‘inappropriate.'” – thisthesubforme
“NTA because your house your rules. But your excuse is complete and utter BS and you know it.”
“There is nothing inherently inappropriate with what you are describing your sister wearing and your HUSBAND who is the one you are truly concerned about likely sees way more at the gym or the beach.”
“Again as the homeowner, you have a right to this boundary, but stop lying. Your four-year-old doesn’t care.” – Ill_Understanding826
“Your four-year-old isn’t gonna sexual her unless he’s already been sexualized himself… in that case, you have some explaining to do.”
“Just admit you’re not comfy with her clothing choice around your husband. Tell her your husband isn’t comfortable with it either. It’s that simple. It’s pretty standard.”
“NTA for wanting her to wear clothes. YTA for blaming it on an innocent kid.” – No_Perspective_242
“NAH. I think you’re within your rights as the homeowner to make this request. Your house, your rules.”
“But I agree with her that this doesn’t seem like a big deal. I think it’s weird that you’re worried about your child seeing their aunt in athletic wear. Are you going to keep your four-year-old away from pools where there could be women in two-piece bathing suits?” – Visual_Humor_2838
Others thought the OP’s sister needed to remember this wasn’t her house.
“It seems to be the new thing to insist that any expectation of an appropriate dress code (as in shirt and bottoms when you live with other people, work dress codes, school dress codes, etc) is sexualizing someone.”
“Sorry, but if you are dressing half-naked with your private bits hanging out or threatening to have a wardrobe malfunction, you are sexualizing yourself.”
“But aside from that, many people just simply don’t feel comfortable seeing someone nearly exposing themself. I’ll bet OP’s sister and even most of the YTA commenters would not like to see their mom run around the house without underwear or in a bra and panties. They wouldn’t like to see their dads in just his underwear.”
“NTA.” – JustKindaHappenedxx
“It’s not normal to just wear underwear around your sister’s partner. Most people don’t wear only underwear and a shirt even around their siblings. Who wants to see their sister’s or brother’s underwear? Gross.”
“So why would the sister doing this be okay if it’s her underwear being shown or her literally wearing no clothes with a robe?” – Potential_Lunch1003
“I get why everyone is jumping on the ‘it’s because of the husband’ train. But I also understand not wanting the kid to see that, it’s not sexual at all. It’s hard enough to convince little kids to not strip (or at least in my son’s case). If he constantly saw his aunt walking around in her underwear, I’d have more fights on my hands about him wearing clothing.”
“OP is NTA, but little sis needs to remember she’s staying there and it’s not actually her house.” – Ambitious_Nobody_24
“I dunno. I don’t like having people walking around my home naked either.”
“Maybe OP is uncomfortable herself, and that’s a perfectly acceptable boundary. I don’t go to nudist beaches for the same reason. The naked human body makes me uncomfortable, whether female or male. I don’t like it and I don’t want to see it. I don’t expose myself to it and I certainly wouldn’t think it acceptable for someone to roam around my home scantily clad.”
“What other people do in a public space is their own. I don’t want to see it, so I don’t look or stare. (Nor do I police them, don’t get me wrong.) But if that was happening in my home?? 100% would tell them to cover up.”
“OP’s sister is also pushing back against it quite a bit, which I think is weird?” – Pristine-Farmer-6241
“I agree with you OP. I would be uncomfortable with her lack of modesty around my husband though I wouldn’t be as concerned about the 4 yo. But still, I like it when my own teenage kids are fully dressed in the group living spaces in our house.”
“In addition, it is your house and your rules. I especially think you are a kind person for allowing a sibling to live with you rent-free, but it looks like this is not the best situation for your family as she is rude and does not respect your feeling on the clothing matter.”
“It would be wise to give her a move-out date in the not-too-distant future. Like the end of the semester! NTA all the way!” – Far_Alarm5887
But some thought that neither of the women was technically at fault.
“These comments are all over the place and I think they come from different backgrounds. I don’t think your kid is going to get traumatized by what your sister is wearing but it’s not a big deal to ask her to wear some pants, I guess, if it’s that important to you. NAH.” – toyheartattack
“NAH. Your house, your rules. Sister’s not unreasonable in wanting to be comfortable in the place she lives, though, and there’s nothing inappropriate about a sports bra and shorts. People wear that to the gym all the time.” – charlieprotag
“I don’t want my toddler to think it’s normal for adults to interact with him without being fully dressed. There are exceptions for mommy and daddy, but I wouldn’t want anyone else hanging out around him in their underwear even with the best intentions, because it blurs the lines in a way that a bad person could use to manipulate him. It’s a valid concern, in my opinion.” – SpartanPuffling
“I will say we have a new rule in the house that clothing isn’t optional. Why? Because after seeing big brother and daddy running around the house in just boxers, our three-year-old who’s not quite 100% potty trained decided it was okay to start stripping down wherever whenever with whoever at home.”
“Sure, it’s innocent toddler behavior, but a naked toddler trying to make a mad dash out the front door, or screaming for help to take his pants off in the car, or forgetting he’s naked while watching TV and forgetting to go to the bathroom to go, is not fun. We’ve had a lot fewer strip-cidents since implementing that clothing isn’t optional.”
“We’ve had more success with him leaving the pull-up on and using his robe now that all the older people are modeling similar behaviors.” – Happy_Flow826
“It’s not sexual, I just don’t want to see it! As a 27-year-old, it would also be particularly jarring to see a 20-year-old running around in a shirt and underwear.”
“Sports bra and booty shorts, sure, you see people like that at the gym. But a big shirt and underwear is quite domestic/intimate and frankly, I’m not keen to see that on anyone I’m not in a domestic relationship with, least of all a woman who only just stopped being a teenager.” – firewoodslass
While the subReddit could appreciate comfort being essential to living in the home, they were more divided on the pair of sisters were behaving.
Some thought the OP seemed to be concealing insecurities behind raising her child, while others thought the sister was being inconsiderate of the OP’s family and household.
But many could understand where both were coming from and hoped the sisters could reach some kind of compromise that would make everyone comfortable in the home.