Redditor Silly-Potential3968 has a large age gap between himself and his partner.
This has caused some unwelcome snide comments from his partner’s son.
The Original Poster (OP) recently decided he would not attend his partner’s son’s wedding so as not to become the punching bag yet again.
However, the OP recently turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) over his decision.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to go to my BF’s son’s wedding?”
He went on to explain:
“I [31-year-old Male] have been in a relationship with an older man [65-year-old Male] for 2 years.”
“The age difference surprises some people, but it’s fairly common in gay culture + he is a sweet, intelligent, fun-loving man who looks fantastic.”
“Let’s call this boyfriend James. He was married for a few years, and while very civil with his ex-wife, they have been divorced for a long time, and their marriage – each has admitted – was toxic.”
“They had one son (Junior). James struggled coming out for several years but has proudly been out and proud for a few years prior to us meeting.”
“James’s son, we will call Junior (Jr), has known about his father’s sexuality for years and was polite to me at first but quickly soured after about six months when it was clear I was not just a fling.”
“Junior is a few years older than I am – which was weird at first, but I think it’s time he gets over it.”
“James and I love to travel, try new things, etc., and due to the fact James sets the plans and – let’s be frank – it farther along in his career, elects to pick up the check 90% of the time.”
“Junior (the son) has started calling me ‘the sugar baby’ or just ‘the baby.’”
“I don’t cross paths with Junior very often, and to keep the peace, I simply have to let any negative experiences go to not give James any undue stress.”
“I know how our relationship looks – and James and I have had many long conversations on the subject. We are both comfortable, having fun, and have great communication.”
“NOW”
“Junior (the son) is getting married in a few months. I was not directly invited but James naturally has marked me down as his plus one.”
“Junior is marrying a lovely girl closer to my age. Last week, during a rare dinner that we were all present for, Junior was really nasty to me and made some unkind remarks.”
“It is clear that Junior has resentment toward his parents for their divorce, toxic family life early in his life, etc.”
“He also thinks I am trying to weasel my way into the father’s life for financial benefit (James built several companies that do really well).”
“LOOK: I am not without sympathy – if my father started dating someone a few years younger than me – regardless of gender – I would be taken aback and weirded out AT FIRST.”
“After 2 years though it is clear – to all of James’ friends and his employees – that I am good for him. He is happier, taking more time away from his businesses, and just overall most pleasent.”
“I have done my best but I am done being a punching bag at every event the son and I are together at.”
“I am refusing to go to the wedding, and while James is trying to be understanding – he is clearly hurt.”
“I have made it clear that I fully support him going or even taking someone else as a date. I am not trying to spoil the big day – but I can’t put myself in the firing line again.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, but if you want to develop a better relationship with James’ son, refusing to attend his wedding is not the way to go about it.” – Capresesandwitch
“YTA and your bf in general, I think. But you shouldn’t have to go to the wedding, and I doubt Junior actually wants you there.”
“‘Junior is a few years older than I am – which was weird at first but I think it’s time he gets over it.’”
“You don’t get to decide that. I’d be weirded out as f*ck if my parent started dating someone my age. Was your bf always perving on his son’s friends?” – Odd-Writer2153
“NTA. Don’t go where you’re not wanted. If Junior doesn’t want to see his dad’s boy toy at his wedding, you shouldn’t go.”
“Your boyfriend is being incredibly selfish to try and make both you and his son uncomfortable at his son’s own wedding…”
“…just so he can push the Happy Family That All Think I’m Great narrative.” – Basic-Regret-6263
“NAH”
“If I were in your situation, I would ask James to talk to Junior about what he wants.”
“I wouldn’t recommend a threat like ‘If you aren’t nicer to my bf he won’t come to your wedding.’”
“Perhaps James could try something like, ‘Hey Junior, OP and I have been discussing your wedding and we are concerned that if he attends as my +1…’”
“‘…you will be some combination of angry/hurt/annoyed. We don’t want to be a distraction on your wedding day and OP doesn’t want to feel unwelcome, so what is your preference?’”
“‘OP would like to attend if you are supportive of that but he’s totally fine with not attending if it’s going to be a problem for you.’”
“Then it’s in Junior’s hands and you can’t be accused of causing drama.” – Used_Mark_7911
“Come on. If OP were a woman they’d be torn to shreds.”
“If my dad was dating someone younger than me and paying for their lifestyle, I’d be pretty upset and if said person had decided on their own…”
“…that I should give them respect as my parent’s partner, and get over it by now, I’d be pissed.”
“If OP was a woman everyone would be in here talking about how the son better keep an eye on dads will etc.” – Glittering_Piano_633
“So junior grew up in an angry household with a workaholic father, watching his parent’s toxic marriage falling apart?”
“Junior had a sh*t childhood, and now his dad is magically happy and you (someone his age) gets to reap all the rewards.”
“I hate to say it, but I’d probably hate you too. I’m not saying it’s right that he hates you, just that I get it.”
“James needs to fix this. Not you. Not his wife. Not his son. James does.”
“Hope you guys can work it out.” – Subme-sweetly
“NAH”
“I see no problem with you not attending. It’s clear to me that Junior would like as little to do with you as possible, and I think this is a good option to keep what peace there is.” – thirdtryisthecharm
“You have explained a lot about the financial situation and the enjoyment of time together and how much happier James is. I have one question or maybe a bridge to cross.”
“In your post and responses, there is mention of age difference, relationship with son, the wedding and allowing his son to use as punching bag…”
“…not going to wedding, James wanting you to go, how financiall successful James is ..I think that sums it up, now here is my question.”
“Do you love him? You mentioned that obviously, this is not a fling because you’ve been together for 2 years…”
“…but you have not said how much you love James, and you can see spending the rest of your life with him.”
“See, you explained a lot about James’ life, toxic marriage, and coming out, but not one word about your life.”
“I think if you want people to respect you and your relationship with James, then you should really be honest about being in love with James or love the life you have with James…”
“…or do you love but not in love with James?”
“So, when you come asking if you’re the a**hole and defend your relationship and talk about how great it is, perhaps your first line before anything is, I love him so much, and he makes me happy.”
“It’s not about if you make him happy and how much of a better mode he is in. Does he make you emotionally happy? You have yet to mention how you feel.”
“I am married to a man who is 16 years older than me, and when we met, I was 43, and he was 59. He made good money, but I was with him because I love this man to pieces.”
“That’s the start of any conversation about us. BTW, about five years ago, he retired and only collects social security, and we only get 1/4 of what he used to get.”
“Guess what, I am still here. I am the actual breadwinner, and I still want him. Can you say the same?”
“In 1 paragraph, you can see our age difference means nothing because I talked about the love we have for each other.”
“So, again, if you want people to stop concentrating on your age, then talk about your love, not his mode.” – ckm22055
Good advice for the OP from the last commenter.