It is time we talk about the arduous labor that is being a stay-at-home parent.
Not only are they constantly working to keep their house in order, but there is also a great deal of emotional labor done by them.
Redditor Fuzzy_Rice_4409 encountered this very issue with their wife. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for asking my wife to stop cooking Russian food?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife is from Russia and we‘ve been married for 4 years.”
“We decided to start a traditional family since I earn enough money to support a few people and she just likes the idea of being a stay-at-home wife/mom. Therefore I pay the bills and provide for the family in order for her to cook, clean and take care of the kids.”
“It‘s been going well so far and both of us enjoy living that way. It‘s just that I kind of get a bit frustrated when it comes to her cooking food…”
“Don‘t get me wrong, she‘s very skilled and I appreciate it, but it‘s just the type of food that‘s been bothering me a bit.”
“Her culture is important to her (which I totally get) so she cooks a lot of Russian food.”
“However, I‘m really not a fan of Russian cuisine because it‘s bland (imo) and consists of basically only dough and meat. Plus some dishes such as jelly meat just don‘t appeal to me.”
“I suggested that she might wanna try recipes that are not Russian or slavic because I‘m not a huge fan of it, but she was pretty offended.”
“Yesterday I overheard a conversation she had on the phone complaining to her friend about this situation calling me a jerk.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“If my other half is home all day and I’m the only one putting money on the table while I have to cook for myself I might as well be single.”
“With a swapped situation it would be shitty too if the woman is the breadwinner and the man would be the stay at home spouse. Heck, the man would be lynched if he didn’t do anything while wife/girlfriend works.” ~ DarkStar0915
“If there weren’t kids involved I’d agree. Staying home with children is like running a day care for your own kids. If she worked they would pay for the child to go to daycare no problem. It’s not so simple having a tiny human 24/7 and having them wreck everything you do. If her LO is eating her cooking well, that’s a blessing and you don’t change too far from what they like.”
“She works the whole time he’s at work so why does he get to put his feet up at home and she doesn’t? Why is she expected to be his maid, the nanny, and then he gets to complain about how she does it? He can cook once in awhile. Yes, she should probably open up her cooking to include other things, but it wouldn’t hurt him to help out some at home.” ~ justusfam
“It is expected from the other party to help out but completely expect them to cook for themselves because the at home party is too annoyed to include something else is just crap. If I know my partner doesn’t like spicy food I won’t continue to make everything spicy because I like it that way and get annoyed if he asks me to do something he would like.” ~ DarkStar0915
Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work.
“My argument for this is he is upset because it’s bland. He can add stuff to his own plate. That would be the equivalent of you asking your partner to cook spicier food because his isn’t spicy enough for you when you can add hot sauce to yours.” ~ justusfam
“Are you proposing that OP toss some garlic powder onto some blandly cooked food, and that will work?”
“I don’t know how I feel about whether OP is TA or not, but I do know how I feel about bland food. Saying “put some sauce on it” or “season it after it’s done cooking” either conveys pretty bad taste, or ignorance of how cooking works. There’s an effectively categorical difference between flavorful food, and bland food that was gussied up after it’s been cooked.” ~ ThePoisonDoughnut
“Russian food really isn’t bland, though. That’s my whole problem with this. We use a lot of herbs, bay leaf, peppercorns, etc. We put onions and/or garlic in almost every meal, so I’m very confused why OP thinks the food is bland. Unless his wife doesn’t put enough spices/salt. In that case just add a little.”
“I cook my hubs a lot of Slavic/Baltic food and he always says it’s full of flavor.” ~ HatPutrid5538
“It’s probably the wife’s cooking.”
“I have a very good Russian friend and I love her, but her cooking is the blandist shit I have ever eaten. And she thinks mine is overtly seasoned (I’m Asian.)”
“Like OP I had the belief that Russian food was just bland AF. Then my team at work decided to have a Christmas function where everyone brought in food from their culture. And one of the Russians brought so much good well seasoned food, which changed my perspective on what Russian food is.” ~ fakingandnotmakingit
“This here.. they’re already sharing a similar work load during the day. Why should only one continue working as the day ends.”
“Him work 9-5 just an example her 9-5 home. Them 5-bedtime shared work.”
“In short yes YTA” ~ King_Mindless
“Yep – I like to break it down by number of hours in a week.”
“If everyone sleeps 8 hours then 16*7 is 112 hours. The person who’s working subtracts their working and commuting hours, let’s say 45 hours a week, that leave them 67 hours while the at home partner can subtract hours they are routinely out of the house, like if they spend x number of hours at the library for story time, or at play dates, or whatever, let’s say 6 hours a week they aren’t home for the sake of the kids’ activities.”
“So one partner has 106 hours a week to do chores, errands, cooking, cleaning at home. The other partner has 67 hours a week. The working partner should still be doing 38% of all the cooking, cleaning and chores. Now, that doesn’t have to look like exactly 38% of the cooking and 38% of the cleaning and 38% of mowing the yard… but when you put all the things together, all the things that HAVE to be done, you should have the working partner doing about a third of it.”
“Might be paying bills, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, changing the oil on the cars, fixing the squeaking door, cleaning the bathrooms and cooking dinner once a week. Or however the split goes… but they still should make demonstrable contributions to the household.”
“And then… childcare should be split 50/50 when both partners are home, period.”
“The idea is that both partners should have the same amount of ‘free’ time in the end.” ~ OrindaSarnia
It’s hard work.