Redditor SaltyThrowawayAITA has a palate preference that is diametrically opposed to that of her boyfriend’s.
Despite their differences in taste, she has no problem with what he does with his own plate of food.
But when he did something objectionable to the food she had prepared for them—but tailored to her own palate—she reacted to an extreme that led her to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for throwing away a whole pot of chili out of spite?”
The OP began by explaining her distaste for a seasoning prevalent in many dishes.
“I’m extremely sensitive to the taste of salt – nothing will happen to me health wise if I do eat a lot, but I absolutely cannot stand it and salted food is inedible to me.”
“My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a salt fiend. He adds extra salt to everything – which is fine. Everybody has their own taste pallet, I don’t care what he does with his own food.”
“I got up yesterday and decided to do chili in the crock pot. 5pm rolls around, chili is done, we bowl-up for dinner. I’m not very hungry so I just make a tiny bowl with the plan to go back later – I made 10 quarts with the idea of leftovers for at least 2 days.”
“I go back a few hours later, make another small bowl, and shrivel into a raisin upon taking the first bite.”
“He didn’t just salt his bowl, he salted the entire pot. Now, I’m aware that 99% of the population would probably have to season their bowl. I expect people to – when I have someone over to eat I tell them I don’t use much salt, and direct them to the shaker so they can do up their own portion how they like it.”
“But I do expect people to have some consideration for others eating and limit it to their OWN plate!”
“This isn’t the first time he’s done this, and we’ve talked about it before – he swears he won’t do it again, but it’s a 50/50 chance next time we eat he’ll salt the main dish before putting it on his plate, instead of just salting what’s on his plate.”
“It ruins leftovers for me, which pisses me off because I am the sole buyer of groceries and I usually cook in bulk.”
“I didn’t say anything, I just dumped my bowl. I was pissed, feeling disrespected and uncared for and in the heat of the moment, I dumped the rest of the pot. My thought process was ‘if I can’t eat, neither can he.'”
“He has a habit of getting up at 1am and digging into leftovers, so like clockwork he goes downstairs, digs around in the fridge, then stomps back up to our room and asks ‘where the f’k’ the chili went.”
“I told him I threw it out because it was inedible, and he LOST it about wasting food, said it’s not his fault I have no sense of taste, and didn’t think I wanted any more. 10 quarts of chili and he thought 9 of it was solely his, apparently.”
“This is the first time I’ve actually thrown out basically a whole dish, normally I just b*tch at him about it, remind him to stop doing it, and move on.”
“This time I just snapped, I guess. I’m tired of only getting to eat a tiny portion of food that I pay for and cook. It’s costing me money because I’m having to make separate food for myself when there’s perfectly good leftovers I can’t touch.”
“It seems like such a dumb thing to fight over, and now that I’ve thought about it I wonder if I did overreact. I’m still pissed, but it does feel petty and wasteful. I vented in my group chat and it’s been a mix of ‘your food your choice’ and ‘it’s just salt, get over it.'”
“AITA for throwing it away purely out of spite?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors called NTA.
Some even suggested that something else besides the pot of chili should have been disposed of.
“INFO: Is it possible that he salts the main dish to keep it all for himself? Is he that greedy?”
“If so, throw away the food every time he does this. Presumably he will realise that his food sabotage is not getting him anywhere and he will stop.”
“Or throw away the boyfriend.” – terrapharma
“This is what I thought too. There’s no reason to salt the whole thing unless he’s being petty or greedy, especially since OP specified that they’ve talked about it more than once.” – twofrogsinabriefcoat
“I’d bet cash money this is what is going on. Only three ways to stop this.”
“1. Dump the boyfriend.”
“2. Mercilessly dump any food when he salts it.”
“3. counter season the food in some way that makes it totally unpalatable to the boyfriend.” – random_reddit_accoun
“instead of going through all the trouble of buying food only just to throw it away since he doesn’t contribute financially just throw the boyfriend away and save yourself all the heartache.” – PeaceoMind93
“NTA. He is disrespecting you in a major way! He knows you won’t eat salted food, yet continues to ruin the majority of the food you cook. It’s no different than you throwing it in the trash.”
“He deserved a taste of his own medicine and you had every right to do as you pleased with the food; you paid and prepared it! If he continues to salt food that is not on his plate, I would end the relationship.”
“It seems like a small thing to some, but it’s really a fundamental lack of respect at the heart of the issue.” – DoctorFujiOD
“Not only is it disrespectful it’s tone-death of him to repeatedly ‘forget’ or think that this time she won’t notice.”
“Someone not liking salt is a pretty specific thing that seems hard to forget, especially when you live with that person. It shows a lack of prioritization of her needs within the relationship.” – em_is_planting
“My first thought went to wasting food and that you would be the a**hole for that, but no, you’ve repeatedly asked him not to salt everything, it’s almost as if he’s claiming any leftovers for his own.”
“NTA I think you needed this nuclear response.” – CaliforniaJade
“NTA. I’m a salt fiend and I still think his behaviour is unacceptable.”
“If this was a first time offence I would call you an a**hole, but it honestly seems like he’s been using salt as a way to keep you from eating your own food. I hope he cuts that out.” – SarumanTheSauropod
While some Redditors thought what the OP did was a waste of food, a good majority thought the boyfriend’s actions were selfish and unreasonable.
Overwhelmed by the responses that flooded the thread, the OP responded in detail to some of the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) from Redditors.
“Holy BALLS batman, I didn’t expect this to gain so much traction. I posted and went to bed thinking I’d have a couple responses in the morning—damn, I wish I’d posted on main.”
“To answer some FAQs: ‘Why isn’t he paying his way?'”
“He doesn’t work, I’m the sole provider. I have 2 jobs and he watches our kids so I CAN work. He’s not certified to do anything so I have more earning potential.”
“‘Y’all eat that much in 2 days?’ I couldn’t add in the main post because of the character limit, but we have 2 kids also.”
“The baby is still breastfed and is too young to eat the chili, but it was ruined for our toddler as well—I worry about his kidneys.”
“‘This seems like a bigger problem?’ Honestly…it is. It isn’t about the chili, it’s about the ongoing disrespect, and this was just the specific breaking point.”
“I have kids with this man and have sunk so much time and effort and life into him that it’s hard for me to accept reality for what it is. It feels like everything he does comes from a selfish place.”
“He navigates the world and his life like it’s a single player RPG and everyone else are just NPCs to improve his stay.”
“If it wasn’t salting the chili, it would have been using up the last of the detergent to only wash his clothes, or using up all the hot water knowing I still needed to shower for work…this just happened to be where the pieces landed.”
“‘You’re a d*ck for wasting food!’ I know. That’s why my actions settled on me enough to post here.”
“I was raised in poverty and have lived on rice and beans before…this was a pure anger and spite fueled thing, it seemed like the lesser evil than dumping it on his side of the bed. Which did cross my mind.”
“‘Why don’t you like salt/what do you cook with then?’ I do use salt and seasonings, I’m just very light handed with the salt. I eat pre-seasoned, prepackaged foods and those are generally fine (if not I just pass them off to him).”
“I order McDonald’s fries unsalted. When I make tacos, I use regular full sodium taco seasoning mix, and that’s a bit much but I drown it out with other toppings on my own plate.”
“The difference between me and him is that he adds additional salt on top of all that—he resalts mcd’s fries when he gets home, puts extra salt on top of the tacos, etc.”
“‘LEAVE HIM!’ …yeah probably. I’ve been looking into daycares and pre-k for the kids.”
“That’s really the only reason I’ve stuck it out so long. If I had childcare his presence here would be redundant.”
“I’m going to go through and answer all of y’all individually but I’m going to wait until things slow down. My phone is ding ding ding ding dinging right off the table and it’s short circuiting my ADHD lizard brain a bit.”
“I appreciate all of the advice and judgements and will be back to interact, I promise!”
There has been no update on the status of the OP’s relationship or news if any compromises were reached.