The common areas in the workplace aren’t always the friendliest of arenas.
They’re meant to be a safe space for everyone to gather, but often they can be a hotbed of drama.
Not every co-worker is cultivating the relationship they think they are.
Often, it can be best just to say a quick hello and mind one’s own business.
Redditor goodbyeartist wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling a coworker to stop commenting on my snack choices?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Some backstory: my work provides snacks for employees regularly and keeps our break room well stocked.”
“There is not a supply issue in play here.”
“I also regularly drink a particular soda and don’t stray from that, unless I’m drinking water.”
“I tend to bring my own since I drink it at home as well, and my partaking in the company-provided snacks and drinks isn’t keeping anyone else from getting something.”
“On more than one occasion, coworkers have commented on my soda consumption, asking things like ‘What number is that?’ etc.”
“I usually brush it off, even though I hate it and actually find it quite rude.”
“Granted, I have a long-standing issue with questions like that because my dad is notorious for it, but I know, of course, others don’t know that, and I can’t expect anyone to automatically know it’s a trigger of sorts.”
“Prior to this, I did finally mention that I didn’t find humor in the comments and don’t like it.”
“Short, sweet, and to the point.”
“A few weeks ago, I was at work in a common area, eating a fruit roll-up.”
“A coworker kind of laughed, then said to me, ‘How many of those have you eaten today?’”
“Maybe I was already in a bad mood or something, but it was irritating, and I was tired of it.”
“I turned to this coworker and said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t understand why it is any of your business. To me, commenting on what others eat is similar to commenting on their body and it isn’t appropriate. I would never do that to you, and I would appreciate it if you would stop doing it to me.’”
“She didn’t respond; she honestly looked pissed off or offended, but I didn’t care.”
“I moved on and mostly forgot about it.”
“Fast forward to last week, my manager pulled me aside and said I made the previously mentioned coworker cry.”
“I explained the situation, and she said, ‘they just care about you,’ and ‘you could’ve said it nicer.’”
“I explained that I had said it nicer previously, and the comments continued.”
“I’m not in ‘trouble’ or anything, but I ultimately got pulled into my manager’s office for being a ‘mean girl,’ even though someone else was being insulting.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Tell your manager that your coworker is creating a hostile work environment by constantly criticizing your food consumption and trying to hide it by claiming it was good intentions.”
“She is not your mommy or your personal trainer.”
“And if she does it again, you will file a complaint with H[uman] R[esourcse].”
“Then she really will have something to cry about.” ~ CatsMom4Ever
“This. Your eating habits are none of your coworker’s business, and she’s making you uncomfortable.”
“She needs to be made to stop, and since your manager won’t stop it, you need to escalate it to HR.”
“Use the specific phrase ‘hostile work environment.'” ~ peakerforlife
“The threshold for a hostile work environment is much higher than just being annoying about food.”
“You’d be laughed out of court for that.”
“This is going to need to be handled internally.”
“If HR doesn’t have OP’s back on this, they should consider finding a new job.”
“It might not be a hostile work environment, but it’s a bad one.” ~ SpacemanSpears
“Just file it, OP.”
“She decided to cry to the manager instead of apologizing and saying she won’t do it again, which probably would have helped the whole situation.” ~ OodalollyOodalolly
“Honestly, given that the manager scolded OP (who was actually firm but very polite in the way they dealt with the coworker) rather than the coworker who was incredibly rude and has been doing this for a while, I’d skip trying to deal with the manager and go straight to HR.”
“And I’d report both the coworker AND the manager.”
“That manager shouldn’t need to be reminded; they should know that it is unequivocally not okay for employees to be repeatedly commenting on what others eat, for exactly the reasons OP had already given.”
“The coworker crying wasn’t OP’s responsibility – they weren’t rude or hateful, they literally just politely but firmly told the coworker to stop being unbelievably rude and inappropriate.”
“Complaining to a manager that ‘they made me cry’ because the coworker didn’t like being firmly asked to stop is, frankly, also super unprofessional.”
“The manager is being unprofessional and not handling this well. It’s time to go straight to HR.” ~ Sorry_I_Guess
“NTA.”
“I cried, therefore I’m the victim.”
“This is the logic of my 2-year-old nephew.”
“No adult should entertain this… maybe next time someone says something, you should break out in big crocodile tears and run straight to HR.”
“They want to play games?”
“Two can play.”
“To make it absolutely clear, you are well within your rights not have to listen to snide comments about your food choices in the workplace.”
“The only exception is microwaving fish.”
“Eating a fruit roll-up does not affect the other person in any way, so they should have no opinion about it.” ~ t3hnosp0on
“NTA. I am the type who would go to HR quickly and in a hurry.”
“It’s super inappropriate to comment on anyone’s food consumption or body in any way.”
“Super weird.” ~ No_Construction_9178
“NTA. That was completely inappropriate of her, and the only reason you’re being villainized is that she cried.”
“Sometimes, people cry because they realize they’ve done something hurtful.”
“It does not make you wrong for triggering that realization.” ~ Justhereforthis1post
“It never fails to amaze me that the people who criticize others – even if they’re trying to frame it as ‘joking’ – are invariably the same people who get their shorts in a twist when called out on their crappy behavior.”
“Only then are they concerned about ‘saying things in a nicer way.’”
“They can dish it but not take it.”
“NTA. Your coworkers who do this suck, especially since you have asked them before to stop.”
“And your manager sucks for trying to make you the problem, when her response should have been to tell your coworker to knock it off.” ~ stunneddisbelief
“NTA: Tell your manager that their comments on your food intake make you feel extremely uncomfortable in your work environment and that it feels hostile.”
“Sh*t like this pisses me off.”
“When I was first in the workplace, I let my coworkers talk to me like that.”
“Once they commented on the fact that I was drinking a diet soda instead of a regular soda.”
“Saying it wasn’t going to help me.”
“They are being the mean girls.” ~ Consistent_Strike_48
“NTA. Your coworker is out of line.”
“As long as you aren’t eating exponentially more snacks than the other employees and causing items to run out quickly, no one has any business commenting on your snack intake. “
“It’s not like you’re eating ¾ of a party sub.” ~ YearlyDepression
“Even if OP is eating exponentially more than anyone, it’s none of the coworker’s business.”
“If snacks are running out, the coworker needs to ask the manager about ordering more often or ordering more of whatever snack is running out.”
“It is NEVER okay to police a coworker’s food consumption.” ~ ItchyCredit
“NTA. I, too, think it’s so rude and inappropriate to comment on what people eat.”
“Your manager is in the wrong.”
“I’m glad you stood up for yourself.” ~ Wiscodoggo5494
“NTA. If they make any more comments about how and what you consume, don’t respond.”
“Go to your manager immediately and explain that the constant harassment about your food intake is making you feel uncomfortable and attacked, and it’s creating a hostile environment for you to work in.”
“You are bringing it to them to deal with as your response last time, after months of belittling comments, was considered too harsh, so you are hoping they can shut down the body and food shaming officially.” ~ EastPirate6505
“NTA, and your manager is a chicken sh*t.”
“It wasn’t your job to say things nicer.”
“It was your coworker’s job to behave like a professional and keep her inappropriate comments to herself.”
“And it was your manager’s job to tell her that when she went crying to her.” ~ mewley
“NTA. Also, are you consuming way more than others?”
“If people are commenting on your, and only your, consumption, plus your boss framed it as them caring about you, it seems like your snacking may be noticeably different than others.”
“It may not be a question of if there are enough snacks for everyone, but rather that people are concerned for your physical and/or mental health.” ~ NovelsandDessert
“NTA. I would write down each time someone has said something (date, time, place, person, what was said) so it’s all documented to the best of your ability.”
“Also, document the meeting with your manager.”
“Take all of this to HR and tell them your coworkers and manager are creating a hostile work environment, and you don’t want the company to get in legal trouble, so what are they going to do to get people to stop harassing you and to stop retaliation when you speak up for yourself.” ~ friendlily
“NTA. It’s very weird of her to comment on that.” ~ InstructionDry4819
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your co-workers need to stick to their own food intake.
You’re not taking away from others.
You stood up for yourself without being insulting.
Don’t be ashamed.