Guy Refuses To Drive 'Drama Queen' Friend Anymore Since She Screams At Full Volume When Scared

Everybody has their own little quirks.

Eccentricities can be a fabulous part of the human condition.

However, some quirks can be invasive.

Some can be annoying.

And some can be downright dangerous.

Redditor u/Aggressive_Bed3169 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

He asked:

"AITA... I (23 M[ale]) refuse to drive with my friend (22 F[emale]) in the car because she screams at full volume when scared."

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"We just had this huge fight."

"I have a friend who just screams bloody murder at ear-shattering volumes when she is startled."

"It is annoying at random times, but there have been three separate incidents where I have been driving, and someone cuts us off or something, and she will let out these ear-shattering screams."

"Not quick either; it goes on for a solid 4-5 full seconds."

"I also can't stress just how loud it is either."

"My ears are literally ringing for several minutes after she has one of her episodes."

"It's bad."

"People stare at us in public."

"It's not just me; our entire friend group hates it and has talked about it."

"However, other than that, she is a good friend and an awesome person."

"At some point, though, you are being a drama queen."

"I am convinced that she does it on purpose. "

"Even if she is not doing this on purpose, it makes my blood boil."

"It's insanely jarring and, honestly, I fear getting into an accident because I am so distracted by her jump-scaring me."

"Inside of a car, it's that much louder because we are in an enclosed space."

"After this third time she screamed while I was driving, we had plans to go to a mutual friend's house who lives about a half hour away, while we live within a few minutes of each other."

"She wanted to carpool, and I tried to make up excuses, but then I was just honest with her: I don't want her in my car while I am driving."

"She lost it."

"I even said if she drove, I would pay for gas, but I am not driving with her."

"I tried to be gentle but was just firm and told her that it's a safety issue."

"She knows it's because of her insane screams."

"Am I in the wrong?"

"If so, what should I have done instead?"

"Also, what should I do now?"

"I don't want to lose the friendship, but honestly, her blood-curdling screams piss me the F off, and I can't deal with it."

"Quick edit..."

"Before anyone comments, I also want to add that about 2 years ago, I had a really bad health issue, and I am on meds to keep blood pressure down and have been prescribed anxiety meds."

"Every time she screams, my blood pressure rises, and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest."

"I don't need that kind of jarring stress on my body."

The OP was left to wonder:

"So... AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - More Information Needed

Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.

"NTA. You may have been friends for some reason in the past, but you should re-examine that."

"This woman sounds completely exhausting, and as some wise commenters pointed out, dangerous." ~ Yorbayuul81

"You can care about someone and still recognize that being around them has become more stressful than it's worth, especially when they refuse to take something this serious into consideration." ~ Wild-Chart-9007

"She’s so insufferable."

"He offered an alternative, and she still chose to turn it into a fight."

"He did the right thing; driving with her is unsafe." ~ LonelyMooonn

"NTA. At this point, she is creating a safety hazard by startling and distracting the driver (you)."

"You have every right to tell her you will not drive her." ~ Swirlyflurry

"I wouldn't drive with her in the car."

"I've always taught my kid you don't make loud noises in the car because it can scare or distract the driver; she's 11 and hasn't screamed in the car since she was 5 or younger."

"If your friend can drive without constantly screaming, then she can be a passenger without constantly screaming." ~ nlolsen8

"I'm trying to imagine if she'll behave if she's forced to use rideshare apps or if her shrieking is going to make her a one-star customer that eventually gets banned on all available platforms because of the danger she poses to drivers." ~ your_average_plebian

"I can totally believe that she's exaggerating for attention, but I don't know if this would be the thing that would prove it for me--I also tend to startle less when I'm driving, but I think (this is just my own hypothesis) it's because when I'm driving I'm already in an elevated state of alertness."

"When I'm just minding my business, sudden events are much more likely to catch me off-guard, and therefore startle me more."

"But I do not scream bloody murder for a full 5 seconds, I should add." ~ Otherwise_Turnip7135

"NTA, and your edit was unnecessary because even if you were in perfect health and she did that, it would be disastrous."

"She will cause a car accident."

"I have a friend who gasps loudly while I drive, and that was maddening enough that I exiled him to the back seat."

"No one needs a shrieker in the car."

"When she’s confronted, what is her justification for not improving?" ~ Last_Translator1898

OP responded...

"She insists that she can't help it and it's automatic."

"She insists that it's the same thing as someone jumping when they are startled or closing your eyes when you sneeze."

"She says she doesn't do it on purpose."

Reddit continued...

"She should get help then."

"And recognize it's an actual problem." ~ paulinaiml

"Exactly. If it really is an involuntary reaction, getting help might be worth exploring, especially if it's affecting her relationships and making people feel unsafe in the car."

"She may not be able to control the initial reaction, but taking the impact seriously is still important." ~ Automatic_Talk1763

"NTA, and I say that as someone with a painfully hair-trigger startle reflex who does often involuntarily yelp when caught unawares."

"But 4-5 seconds of screaming?"

"Whether or not that's involuntary, it's simply not safe to deal with when you're driving."

"She needs to get treated for PTSD or whatever is going on with her, but until then she needs to expect that her carpool privileges do not extend to putting her friends in jeopardy." ~ Otherwise_Turnip7135

"I have the same startle reflex. "

"Surprising me will always elicit a scream, and if I could stop that from happening, I surely would."

"But the scream lasts for less than a second."

"My theory is that continuing the scream would have to be intentional, but only a health professional should make that call."

"The OP's friend needs to see such a professional, sooner rather than later."

"In the meantime, she's not safe to include in the carpool." ~ matthewsmugmanager

"Babe, you don't need to have health issues to not want to be in the car with this idiot."

"You're right - she IS doing it on purpose."

"The fact that she won't drive, even though you offered to pay for gas (does she offer to pay for gas when you drive?!) makes me think that she wants someone else to drive SO she can pull this bullsh*t."

"It's absolutely unsafe to have someone in the car startling you by screaming like a moron."

"Thank you for standing up for common sense. NTA." ~ inductiononN

"NTA, I used to have a colleague like this in the office."

"You’d come up behind them and every single time they’d do that type of scream."

"Her phone rang; startled scream, you’d drop something, a scream, always at the top of her lungs and very loud."

"She eventually got fired."

"Absolute drama and attention-seeking." ~ Blooregard89

"NTA, this became a safety concern, and your body is WAY more important than her getting offended."

"Also, this might be some sort of panic-related thing?"

"I'm not an expert, but her doing this consistently makes me think she should probably get it checked, but ur not the AH I'd hate to be in ur place." ~ Round-Cow-2306

"NTA… but I have a question: does the startling thing happen, and she takes a sudden breath, then scream?"

"Or does it happen and it’s an instant scream?"

"Because 4-5 seconds of a FULL scream takes a lot of air to pull off; if there isn’t a sudden large inhalation of air before the scream happens… she had enough air in her lungs already before the scream, meaning she was ready to scream."

"Which would be kind of a giveaway that she’s faking."

"Seriously, try to scream that long/loud suddenly without taking a deep breath first." ~ srahfox

"NTA. My wife used to do a way milder version of this."

"Whenever she saw lightning while we were going somewhere, she would loudly catch her breath, 'HUHNN!'"

"Which is very similar to an 'Oh shi*!' sound of surprise."

"I had to tell her she absolutely cannot do that while I'm driving, as it would send me bracing for impact and desperately trying to find the incoming source of danger and possibly evade it."

"Of course she protested, 'but that's just how I' Nope."

"Don't care. It needs to stop."

"It's dangerous, and it just stresses me out. 'Ok... I see what you mean."'

"If your friend can't deal with dropping this stupid affectation, she can ride with someone else." ~ Shenaniboozle

There is a big difference between being startled and startling someone who is operating a moving vehicle.

While OP's friend insisted that her screams were involuntary, Redditors largely agreed that her intentions didn't change the potential danger. And whether or not she could control her reactions, OP was well within his rights to set a boundary.

After all, friendship shouldn't require putting your safety, sanity, or eardrums on the line.