Unplanned pregnancies can cause a high level of stress.
Any unplanned life event really, but a surprise baby is a lifelong commitment.
And that can be a daunting thought.
Some people may not know how to react properly at first.
Case in point…
Redditor puddlespuddled wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for calling my friend an idiot for wanting a maternity test?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My friend Dan recently found out he might be a father.”
“I say might because the girl he’s been having an off/on relationship with, Kara, is pregnant, and he’s not sure if he’s the dad.”
“She offered to get a paternity test once the baby is born and doesn’t expect any kind of support until they find out if the baby is his.”
“He’s on board with that and appreciates that she’s not pushing him into fatherhood if the baby isn’t his.”
“The issue is that when he was talking to me about it, he also said he wants to get a ‘maternity’ test done to make sure the baby is hers.”
“Kara is visibly pregnant.”
“We know she’s pregnant because she did a maternity photoshoot and posted it on social media, so it’s obvious she’s not faking being pregnant.”
“We’ve both seen her in person, too and she’s most definitely pregnant.”
“However, Dan believes that the baby might not be hers.”
“I tried to explain to him that that’s not how biology works and unless she got an embryo implanted in her then she’s definitely the mother.”
“She’s a waitress and works for minimum wage + tips so I doubt she has the money to afford an embryo implantation.”
“Plus it’s ridiculous to think that she’d do all that just to baby trap a guy who is unemployed and living with his parents at 32.”
“Plus he’s never donated sperm.”
“He’s genuinely convinced that the baby might not biologically be hers despite not only me, his mom, and our other friends explaining that that’s not how babies/pregnancy works.”
“He’s still insisting on a ‘maternity’ test and told me that I was being ridiculous.”
“And that I’m the one who doesn’t understand biology despite me studying to be an autopsy pathologist which has required quite literally years of biology classes.”
“I got fed up and called him a senseless idiot and told him to call me when he got his head screwed back on straight.”
“Ever since then he’s been spamming my phone and has gotten a couple of our friends to spam me as well.”
“Telling me I’m being insensitive and he’s just stressed about possibly being a dad.”
“So, AITA for calling my friend an idiot?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Tell him that to help with his stress you found a free maternity test – stand in a delivery room and see if a baby shoots of out of a hooha.”
“NTA. Hope the baby inherits the mom’s intelligence.”
“My hubby thinks he’s “’he funny one,’ so thanks kindly for the awards to show him the next time we have that debate – all your responses have been a hoot.” ~ Major_Barnacle_2212
“The mom should just skip the paternity test to keep Dan as far away from that child as possible.”
“NTA man, NTA. I now have a headache, Thank you AITA!” ~ crooney35
“I legitimately thought that OP had a typo and accidentally said ‘maternity’ instead of ‘paternity’ in the subject line and now my brain is broken after having read this.”
“Should you call someone an idiot? Probably not.”
“But does it make OP an AH?”
“In this situation I’m gonna say NTA, a f**k ton of ppl have tried to explain this situation to him and bro is legitimately an idiot.” ~ CeruleanRose9
“I feel sorry for his mom.”
“Imagine having a son so dumb that even after she herself explained how that is not possible in this situation and son just digs in his heels about the need for a maternity test.” ~ GoodQueenFluffenChop
“What does he think is happening?”
“That she is wearing a fake belly and going to adopt a baby?”
“That she sperm jacked him and implanted it in another embryo to implant in her?”
“I’m so confused even trying to follow his logic.” ~ Ilvermourning
“I’ve admittedly not scrolled far, but I haven’t seen anyone say this yet: you don’t need to wait for the baby to arrive to do a paternity test.”
“Non-invasive prenatal screening is a simple blood test for the mother and can get this sorted out before the baby’s here.”
“It’ll probably help Dan decide if he wants to step up and be a dad/arrange legal stuff.”
“Also, Dan is an absolute muffin. NTA.” ~ Ishmael128
“I hope for the baby’s sake that he’s not the father.” ~ Scu-bar
“NTA but to be honest, I would pay to see a doctor’s reaction to being asked to perform this test.” ~ idreaminwords
“I work in family court and you would not believe the number of men who indignantly ask, ‘well why doesn’t she have to take a maternity test?!'”
“When they’re mad about being court ordered to take a paternity test.” ~ DiBerk4711
“Having actually had a court ordered paternity test for my son.”
“They actually do take a sample from the mother as well.”
“Or at least they did for ours. Presumably because it helps with precision in identifying the father’s markers.”
“So it actually is both a paternity and maternity test.” ~ jmc323
“The hilarious part is that even if a woman failed a maternity test somehow, how would that help anything?”
“Like bro, that just means her kid was mixed up with someone else’s at birth.”
“And honestly if you don’t want to be the father, a maternity test proving that your kid got switched at birth would work against the father trying to get out of child support, no?”
“Or she’s one of the rare people who’s got two sets of DNA.”
“Neither of those things would negate her motherhood, though.”
“The baby literally came out of her vagina and the only way any eggs that weren’t hers could’ve gotten in there (negating it being a twin she absorbed in the womb’s DNA, of course) would’ve been with her explicit consent.” ~ Kittenn1412
“I have to know – what is actually theory about how the baby was formed? Let’s take it at face value – somehow it is possible she got pregnant from an egg that was not her own.”
“How does he propose that this happened?”
“But NTA, what the hell!?” ~ cantcountnoaccount
OP came back to give more details…
“I’ve tried asking him his reasoning and he tried to explain to me something about how when women’s menstrual cycles sync up its possible for them to share eggs???”
“It makes sense to him because Kara lives with three other women and their periods tend to happen around the same time.”
“He thinks one of her roommates could be the ‘true’ mother.”
“He also believed in telegony up until a year ago or so but our friends and I were able to explain to him why that’s not possible.”
“It took… way too long for him to understand it though.” ~ puddlespuddled
“Holy freaking crap I just looked up telegony:”
“Telegony is a disproven and pseudoscientific theory of heredity holding that offspring can inherit the characteristics of a previous mate of the female parent; thus the child of a woman might partake of traits of a previous sexual partner.”
“WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!!” ~ smallmammalconcierge
“NTA. Actually I would encourage it and go with him for the laugh a lone.”
“The Dr. would let him know in an instant how foolish that request was.”
“Seriously if he doesn’t understand that, then he most likely doesn’t understand how to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Thanks for laugh.” ~ gemma156
“NTA, but it’s hilarious.”
“Not only for not believing her, but for thinking about the maternity test instead of going to the hospital and be present during the birth.” ~ _macarni_
OP tried to explain his friend’s mindset…
“He believes she’s pregnant, he just doesn’t believe the baby she’s growing is hers.”
“He thinks it might be one of her female roommates baby because according to him women share eggs when their cycles sync up and are in close proximity???”
“I just can’t with him sometimes lol.”
“He said the eggs seek one another out and “conglomerate”??”
“I pressed him as to whether this happens inside or outside of their bodies, like if the eggs meet in their living room in the middle of the night and decide who’s body to go into and he couldn’t give me a straight answer.”
“Apparently the eggs ‘conglomerate’ and ‘congeal.'”
“I don’t think he even knows what those words mean at this point.” ~ puddlespuddled
“NTA. I had to comment on this because I seriously cannot figure out WTF.”
“Seeing your comments about him thinking her and her roommates are sharing eggs on menstrual cycles, even more WTF.”
“I really hope he’s not the father and he should be used as the example as to why guys need to be taught more about how a woman’s body works in health class.” ~ muskiesfan1
Well according to Reddit, OP should feel free of guilt.
And maybe he should buy his friend a book on Biology and Anatomy.
Just for some light reading.
Good luck to Kara and “whoever” the father is.