People sleep in various stages of undress. Some go for being completely covered in long sleeves and pants, while others choose to be nude.
Between completely covered and nudity, there’s a lot of options. But if you’re sharing a room with someone, is there an obligation to cover up more?
What if the other person is uncomfortable when the state of undress?
A man dealing with someone else’s discomfort turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Straight_Giraffe_762 asked:
“AITA for refusing to sleep in pajamas when sharing a hotel room with my brother-in-law (BIL)?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“This past weekend I (25, male) was invited to my wife’s cousin’s bachelor party. We split off into hotel rooms of two and since I didn’t know a ton of people there I roomed with my wife’s brother.”
“He’s a couple years older than me, and we’ve gone to the gym together and whatnot, but have never been amazing friends.”
“The first night, there was a decent amount of drinking. I noticed when he got into bed that he wore a sweatshirt and sweatpants.”
“I ended up wearing one of those tank top undershirts and my underwear. I don’t think he noticed until the next morning when I took off the covers.”
“I took off the covers and sat up in bed talking to him for a minute or two. Admittedly, I was sitting around in tighty whities briefs, but once he said something I stopped.”
“He said he ‘didn’t need to see that much of me’.”
“He asked if I had anything else to sleep in. I told him I really only brought jeans, but I’d be happy to keep them by the bed and not sit around and talk to him like that tomorrow.”
“We had some free time during the day and then had a chiller dinner the second night. When it came time to get to bed he pulled out some pajama pants and a cheap long sleeve shirt and said he brought them for me.”
“I told him I’d wear the pajama pants if it was important to him, but I wouldn’t wear the shirt. He said it was awkward and admittedly my shirt is one of those tight undershirts.”
“But I don’t know why that matters to him. I ended up getting annoyed and not even wearing the pants to sleep.”
“He said that I wasn’t being a good temporary roommate, arguing he was doing a good deed by rooming with me and not one of the people he’s closer to.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“My wife’s brother said I should wear more to sleep and I refused even after he brought me pajamas.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors offered up every judgment possible for the OP, with not the a**hole (NTA)…
“NTA. I don’t know what’s going on, but you weren’t sleeping nude. I’ve worn much less sharing rooms with friends of both genders.” ~ Crafter_2307
“NTA, but this wouldn’t be my hill to die on. Everyone has different boundaries of what they are comfortable with.”
“If I was rooming with someone and they said that me sleeping in my bra and underwear made them uncomfortable, then I would just put on pajamas. To me there is just little to gain by taking a stand here.” ~ Fitzhappening
“NTA. I think we can all compromise that asking OP to wear PJ bottoms is understandable. It’s the long sleeve top that baffles us.
“Other than ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ establishments, men aren’t even required to wear shirts in public. Wearing a tank to bed, most of us would considered sleeping in a top.” ~ cgrobin1
“Not sure what his issue is, maybe he found you attractive? NTA.” ~ lydocia
“If you weren’t sharing a bed, wear what you want, not what he think you ‘should’ wear. NTA.” ~ davekayaus
“My immediate assumptions would be: either he is insecure about his own body, and doesn’t like seeing you comfortable with yours (maybe he’s more overweight than you, or in noticeably worse physical shape), or he’s insecure in his sexuality, and is overly anxious being around another man in their underwear.”
“It’s pretty normal for two dudes sharing a hotel room to see each other in their underwear.”
“Honestly, I would be more interested in what he meant by ‘doing a good deed’ rooming with you. That makes it sound like family members drew straws to see who would room with you, or they thought you couldn’t be alone. NTA.” ~ TuckerCarlsonsOhface
…to OP was the a**hole (YTA)…
“YTA (kinda) honestly, I’d be annoyed if I were you too, but it clearly made him uncomfortable for reasons unknown to us. He respectfully asked you to be more clothed and even got you some clothes.”
“Like I said, I’d be annoyed too, but at that point it would make sense to just respect his request to avoid unnecessary conflict. Not really a hill to die on in my opinion.”
“Also people really are assuming like always and saying he might be gay/bi, insecure about his sexuality or body which might be the case but we don’t know.”
“That’s also a reach and an assumption, but more was meant to be an example to show that we don’t know what he was thinking. We only know he was uncomfortable, so why not accommodate him?” ~ ManOfJack
“Honestly some people have weird hang ups and given that he’s provided the solution, I just think it’s a bit needlessly churlish to refuse to wear them to make him feel more comfortable. YTA.” ~ dsteere2303
“Eh, I’m inclined to say YTA. Lots of people aren’t cool with someone they aren’t close with hanging out in their underwear. It’s pretty normal to wear PJs in just these situations.” ~ Somethingisshadysir
“YTA. BIL said you were making them uncomfortable and put in effort to solve the problem. You should’ve at least worn the pants.” ~ Cyber143
“Soft YTA. Why not just do him the favor? It clearly is important to him, and it costs you absolutely nothing.” ~ happy-gof*ckyourself
…to no a**holes here (NAH)…
“NAH. He was clear about his comfort levels with OP’s relative nudity. He provided clothes when OP had none.”
“OP doesn’t want to wear a shirt while sleeping and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“You simply have two people rooming together who are not compatible (in this particular respect). I don’t think that either is wrong.” ~ Dizzy_Try4939
“NAH. Neither of you had the same expectations and he has as much right to want someone he shares a room with to wear pyjamas to bed as you have to refuse to wear pyjamas to bed.”
“However, personally I would’ve just wore the pyjamas if it was reasonably comfy and made a temporary roommate feel at ease and then chose not to share a room with them again. But this is just an unfortunate event without any a**holes.” ~ Quiet_Ninja_7440
“I kinda got the vibe you got out of bed and were walking around having convos in tighty whiteys.. Put some clothes on, dude.”
“Nobody sucks here though. NAH.” ~ jme518
“Well he clearly has hang ups about seeing another guy a little ‘exposed’. The whole situation sounds weird. Just doing separate rooms would have been easier.”
“I wouldn’t say you’re the a**hole but it was a nice gesture of him in a way to at least contribute a solution for the problem instead of just telling you off or something. NAH.” ~ EarthquakeBass
…and declaring everyone sucked (ESH).
“ESH. It’s polite to cover up a bit more when sharing a hotel room with people.”
“I normally wear a sleep dress and no underwear, but if I’m sharing a room, even with a sibling, I upgrade to shorts under my dress for their comfort. It’s a small concession to the ‘nobody wants to see that’ rule.”
“We may still change in front of each other, but I’m not parading around then. I’m actively getting dressed, and the odds are way down when I’m awake that I’m unconsciously sprawled in a way that leaves gaps where they are least wanted.”
“However, he kind of crossed a line when he tried to insist you cover-up. That’s not polite, either. It sounds like you weren’t walking around like that and were willing to cover up when you did.”
“That’s a nod to his discomfort and probably enough for a short stay. For a longer one, it would have been nice for you to buy a pair of shorts or something you were willing to sleep in.”
“Sharing a room can be uncomfortable for everyone. Even though it’s a short-lived issue, being extra courteous is the right thing to do.” ~ SandboxUniverse
“You shouldn’t be walking around without more on. The room is perhaps too enclosed for his comfort. ESH more likely.”
“You have your preferences but failed to be considerate of a roommate with no wishes to see you in that lack of attire. He has his limits and seemed like you kept pushing them.”
“You’ve been inappropriate in his eyes. He was also inappropriately shoving unwanted pajamas onto you. It’s like tits for tats. Morale of the story: bad roommates.” ~ anomaly-me
“Yeah, briefs should be covered up. Sorry dude.”
“When sharing a room you make it as comfortable as possible for both people. Wearing some shorts or pj pants wouldn’t kill you for a couple of nights.”
“His insistence on the shirt is weird, though. A singlet is totally fine. ESH.” ~ MysteryLass
Reddit was pretty divided on this situation.
The OP may not have a clear answer, but they’ve certainly gotten plenty of feedback to choose from.