Wedding stipulations are pretty standard.
Every couple has a list of dos and dont’s.
Sometimes it isn’t easy to adhere to the demands.
So people have to decide whether to attend the ceremony or stand their ground.
Redditor Adventurous-Pea-337 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I refused to shave my armpits for my friend’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“BACKGROUND: So I (26 F[emale]) stopped shaving my armpits a few years ago and found that I greatly prefer not having bald armpits.”
“I’m a sweaty person, and having hair prevents my pits from getting swampy and sweating off every single deodorant/antiperspirant known to mankind.”
“I also have sensitive skin and get horrible rashes and razor burn from shaving.”
“My decision to not shave my armpits is primarily personal, but I am aware that it is going against a societal/gender norm, and is therefore inherently political or subject to being politicized.”
“Under no circumstances, though, am I refusing to shave solely to make a political statement.”
“ISSUE: My friends are getting married next summer, and they’ve invited me to their wedding.”
“It’s also a destination wedding, and many of the wedding party events will involve wearing a swimsuit or clothes that expose my armpit hair, as it will be summer in Mexico.”
“I asked about dress codes for the various events, and both the bride and groom said they won’t be strict about dress codes as long as everyone is ‘well-groomed.'”
“I figured I knew what that meant, considering I do work a professional job, but then they took this conversation as an opportunity to warn me that some other wedding guests may be uncomfortable with the fact that I don’t shave.”
“I reminded them that they invited me to this wedding with the full knowledge that I dont shave my armpits, as it’s not exactly a secret.”
“They said that they assumed I shaved for special events where I needed to ‘look presentable.'”
“I said I always look presentable for special occasions and that shaving my armpits has nothing to do with it.”
“If people take issue with it, then that’s their problem.”
“Now they are accusing me of trying to take attention away from their wedding by making a political statement.”
“I told them I’m not doing that at all and that I don’t shave because it’s a personal preference, but ultimately got a ‘whatever you say’ as a response.”
“They have not at this point said I can’t go if I dont shave, so I’m planning on going and not shaving.”
“WIBTA for doing that?”
“Again, they know I don’t shave and haven’t for years.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about my armpit hair until they brought it up.”
“I even said I can trim it a little, and they said ‘it would still be very distracting.'”
“I’ve also explained to them my skin sensitivity, but they seem dead set on believing I dont shave to make a statement.”
“They’ve said, ‘Well, you’re a feminist, so there’s no way it’s not a political statement.”‘
“They’re making me feel like an a**hole, that’s for sure.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“But am I REALLY the a**hole?’
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“If this couple is so boring that your body hair would be the ‘center of attention’ at their wedding, that sounds like a THEM problem.” ~ MissMarionMac
“Yeah, I really don’t see how someone’s armpit hair could be that distracting??”
“I have some family members with really thick, dark arm and foot hair, and it’s like ‘ha ha look at how hairy your feet are,’ and then everyone moves on with their lives.”
“If they think a woman with visible armpit hair would be that big of a deal, it says a lot more about them/their other wedding guests than it does about you.” ~ totally-fiine
“I’m really put off by underarm hair on women.”
“I simultaneously know that there is no logical reason for me to feel that way, and I should keep my stupid opinion to myself.”
“If I don’t like seeing it, I can do something radical like shift my eyes three feet to the left.”
“I wouldn’t ask the person to go shave. NTA.” ~ prevknamy
“I felt this same way until pretty recently.”
“It would put me off, but I’d never judge them or say anything; it was just something I didn’t like seeing.”
“So, I wouldn’t look if I clocked it.”
“Thankfully, at some point in the last year or two, that feeling went away, and it doesn’t bother me at all anymore.” ~ Megsofthedregs
“I kind of get the feeling I could be downvoted for this, but no NTA if you went without shaving.”
“I just honestly have thought it was so weird how people try to dictate other people’s body parts.”
‘For myself, I shave when I feel like it; sometimes I will, sometimes I won’t.”
“I would never comment on someone else.”
“Because like… it’s just quite frankly none of my business?? lol.”
“Never understood why men are allowed to not shave, but we have to.”
“These people sound weird for even bringing it up.”
“ETA: people seem upset by me saying ‘I get the feeling I would be downvoted.'”
“I was one of the first comments under this post.”
“Wasn’t sure how Reddit would feel, lol.”
“Seems like everyone agrees!” ~ LoudDragonfruit2537
“NTA. Is the groom gonna shave his pits?”
“How about all the male guests?”
“If this grooming is so important, then it should extend to everyone, right?”
“But we know it doesn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter why you do or do not shave.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s a statement, if it’s personal, or if it’s due to health.”
“At the end of the day, as long as you are well-groomed, smell good, and overall keep proper hygiene, it is none of their business.”
“You wouldn’t be the a-hole for going.”
“But I’m not sure I would personally consider this person a good friend.”
“They are trying to control your body, they are obsessing over your body hair… it’s just weird.”
“Women have body hair, the same as men.”
“There is nothing distracting or gross about it.”
“As you said, if someone takes issue with it, that is their problem– not yours.”
“And if armpit hair on a woman can distract from their marriage… then they have some major issues with their union.” ~ 1313deadendone
“NTA. I could write a book about why, but ultimately, if anyone is getting their panties in a bunch about someone else keeping (or removing, or dyeing, trimming, styling) the hair that grows on their own damn body, they seriously need to reassess their priorities.”
“I see dudes with facial hair that I think looks bad pretty much every time I leave the house.”
“I see people with haircuts that I don’t like equally as often.”
“I see people dressed in ways I don’t care for, with accessories I don’t like, tattoos I think are hideous.”
“And honestly?”
“None of those things have ever come close to ruining my day.”
“People have different aesthetic preferences, and it would be pretty weird if I expected other people to cater to mine.’
“As far as gender norms go… f**k ’em.” ~ Frequent_Gene_4498
“NTA. Who are their snowflake friends/family who presumably can deal with armpit hair on however many men on the beach, but just can’t deal with one more set of pit hair that happens to be on a woman?”
“They are the ones choosing to politicize your armpits.”
“I thought for sure this was going to be a question about strapless bridesmaid dresses, not guests in swimming suits on the beach.”
“Take the high road and be prepared with a gracious but bland explanation for anyone who does happen to comment.” ~ wharleeprof
“NTA, it is hugely misogynistic that they have decided this is a hill they want to die on.”
“The only compromise I would consider is offering to make sure you wear an outfit that does not risk armpit exposure for their actual wedding.”
“So, short-sleeved but not sleeveless. Like, that’s a reasonable ask regarding dress code.”
“Or MAYBE neatly trimming the hair ahead of time, which makes sense for a sticky summer event.”
“But you already offered that.”
“But expecting you to be ‘well groomed,’ ie, HAIRLESS for pool or other casual activities on the entire trip?”
“That’s wild.”
“Why is anyone looking at your armpits?”
“You’re not even a bridesmaid, yes?”
“Are the men going to be forcibly waxed before they’re allowed in the pool?”
“If you were feeling really troll-like about this, I would recommend sending them pics to suggest you have followed their instructions and now will be ENTIRELY WITHOUT HAIR, including your head, but… that’s just me.”
“The better revenge is probably to go, wear amazing outfits, look stunning, and ignore them.” ~ ViolaVetch75
“NTA, they’re already asking people to shell out big $$$ to go to a destination wedding, and want to dictate how you groom yourself?”
“Ridiculous, plenty of people in plenty of cultures don’t shave their pits. “
“It’s not even as if you’ll be walking around with your hands over your head constantly.”
“If they want you at their wedding, they need to accept what makes you feel comfortable.” ~ geekyfeminist
“I’m of the opinion that someone cannot reasonably ask anyone to change anything about their body for a wedding, ever.”
“No matter the reason.”
“Skin-related things (i.e., colour/tone, make-up preferences, shaving preferences, tattoos), hair colour or style, piercings or lack thereof, body weight or shape.”
“If it grows on you, from you, or is in you, then that’s how it should stay.”
“The wedding party lives with you that way for the other 364 days of the year.”
“They can handle the 365th one, too. NTA.” ~ ivene-adlev
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are who you are.
Do what is best for you.