Redditor notinmyhousety was insulted in her own home by her sister-in-law.
This interaction led the Original Poster (OP) to kick her sister-in-law out of the house.
The entire incident drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
The OP asked:
“AITA for kicking only my SIL out which meant she had to fly home early from vacation?”
She went on to explain.
“I [29-year-old Female] have a half-brother, James [age 37]. James is married to Lindsay [age 35] and they have two kids, [4-year-old female] and [2-year-old male].”
“I invited James, Lindsay, and the kids to visit me this past week, and they were meant to stay until next Friday.”
“Lindsay and I have always got on fine, except for the fact that she’s always had a weird attitude to me being a SAHW/M.”
“She always asks me if I’m going to ask my husband before making non-essential purchases or asks me if I feel bad relaxing while he’s working…”
“…or suggests I do things for him as a ‘thank you’ to him since I’m apparently not doing anything else.”
“I know that James and Lindsay are big on splitting costs, and while he pays for everything for both kids, he won’t pay for Lindsay, despite making about 25x her salary.”
“Being that that’s the relationship they’re happy with, I just roll with the comments because my marriage must look weird to Lindsay.”
“However, there is a line. A few days ago, we were sitting on our rooftop drinking wine after the kids went to bed.”
“Lindsay was admiring the view and made a comment about how much our apartment cost (James must have told her) and asked if my name was on the deed.”
“She then said, ‘half of (X amount) penthouse just for lying on your back? S*x work is way more lucrative than I thought.”
“Both my husband and James laid into her for the comment. I was obviously furious and told Lindsay first thing in the morning she had to get out.”
“She wasn’t staying here after speaking to me like that, especially when she wasn’t even apologetic.”
“I felt bad for ruining James and the kids’ trip, but both my husband and I were too angry to have Lindsay there.”
“The next morning, Lindsay asked if she could stay. She said James wasn’t willing to end the trip early and wanted to stay, but she couldn’t afford to stay in a local hotel.”
“She blamed her comment on the wine, but her apology/explanation seemed so insincere and was clearly based on having no choice.”
“I told her this and said even if she did mean it, I just needed some space from her…”
“…and didn’t want her around after what she said because when put on top of what she’s been saying for years, it’s obvious that’s what she thinks.”
“James then said he wasn’t paying for her hotel because it was her own actions that got her kicked out.”
“And she would have to fly home early, and he’d fly back with the kids as planned, which is what happened.”
“Lindsay has since laid into me over text and social media for forcing her to go home early without her kids. Both my mother and James’s have said I was wrong for kicking Lindsay out.”
“James’s mother said I should have just let her stay for James’s sake and not invited them back.”
“My mother says I should have kicked all of them out because now Lindsay has to be away from her kids.”
“I don’t think I’m the AH for kicking out the person who made the comment but not the person who defended me and innocent kids.”
“Did I handle it like an AH?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘Because it was her own actions that got her kicked out’”
“There, this, and that. This is all that is needed, and that is all needed to be said.”
“She accused you of being a s*x worker, and while it’s nothing wrong to be one, it’s not something you say to the innkeepers while you travel.”
“She disrespected you, your husband, and your home. So you threw her out.”
“Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
“NTA” – RemoteBroccoli
“NTA”
“Lindsay has been jealous of your life for quite some time already. She was just wanting to be snarky at some time.”
“She is too immature to understand that she is projecting her resentment towards James for their fiscal relationship, unrealistically onto you.”
“It’s good to hear that James didn’t let this slide regardless of her being his wife.”
“You need to let James’s mother know that this was not an isolated incident and was simply the flashpoint in a long series of snarky remarks.”
“And if James really wanted her to stay, James needed to spend money for the hotel. You’ve already been generous enough in offering to host them.” – SugarLumpy6653
“NTA She f’d around and found out. I wouldn’t allow her in my home either!”
“Also if she has her own finances that are independent of those of her husband, she can pay for a hotel without his help, right?”
“It’s ironic that the very thing she accused you of doing is now a problem for her.” – Leading-Knowledge712
“Seems like her own husband is sick of her s**t!! You had every right to kick her out. She fafo 🤣🤣 bet she won’t be too quick to try and call you names again! NTA – Majestic-Leopard-563
“NTA”
“But wtf is wrong with your brother? Imagine making 25x more than your SO and forcing a 50/50 split. Holy hell. No wonder she so extremely bitter.” – NotEnoughBiden
“If James thought her action was not that bad and your reaction was unreasonable, then he could have paid for a hotel for her or also leave with the kids and go home together with her.”
“But obviously, he was fine with you kicking her out and hasn’t done any of this. Does anybody think he is an a**hole? Or your husband, who didn’t disagree with you kicking her out?”
“You’re NTA, of course!” – IdesiaandSunny
“NTA, and it sounds to me like Lindsay is using you as a proxy for disagreements she’s really wanting to have with her husband.”
“1. You have different financial arrangements than she does, and she resents that you have more financial security than she does.”
“Instead of talking to James about altering their arrangement, she calls you a sex worker.”
“2. She’s mad because she cannot afford a hotel (to continue the vacation while not being hosted by you as a consequence of her vitriol).”
“Her vacation had to end, and the rest of her family carried on without her. That is a choice that James made – and instead of talking to James about it, she’s blaming it all on you again.”
“I think you need to push that back at her. On social media if she’s stupid enough to post about it.”
“‘Lindsay, it’s clear that you don’t like the set-up of your marital finances and resent that other people have different arrangements.’”
“‘I refuse to take the blame for your unhappiness just because my family finance arrangements are different. That’s a discussion you need to have with James and leave me out of it!’”
“Or ‘Lindsay, I refuse to take the blame for the consequences of your own actions.’”
“‘I will not throw James and the kids out of my house when they weren’t rude to me – why should they be punished for your hateful words?’”
“‘If you don’t like that James chose to carry on the vacation without you and chose not to fund your hotel stay, then that’s a discussion you need to have with him, not me.’”
“‘I have nothing to do with your family’s financial decisions.’” – Normal-Height-8577
“NTA, but your brother is a terrible husband.”
“He sounds like a Total cheapskate, Scrooge. Penny pincher.” – completedett
“I don’t understand family members who refuse to let the guilty party live with the consequences of their actions.”
“Your SIL ran her mouth one too many times, and her latest comment earned her an early exit. No one deserves to be spoken to the way she speaks to OP. NTA.” – 3Dog_Nitz
“NTA. James and the kids could have left with Lindsay. Something tells me this isn’t her first case of foot in the mouth. James might just be enjoying a break from her drama.”
“Lindsay crossed boundaries, and it wasn’t the first time. Actions have consequences.” – PleaseCoffeeMe
“Obvs NTA.”
“But her husband might be quite controlling if he earns that much and everything is split. That might be hard for her, perhaps more than people realize.” – Hcmp1980
“NTA for kicking Lindsey out.”
“As for James, he’s sucks as well. He should have either paid for the hotel or left with his wife. I suspect that he’s actually financially abusing Lindsey – which is why she’s so bitter” – Sajem
“NTA. Though I feel bad for her. Just cuz she’s drinking some koolaid. Though maybe her comments are a reflection of her and James relationship.” – throwseph23
Sounds like Lindsay and James have a lot to discuss.