When planning a party, especially a party that is also a big event, a head count is vital.
Much of the planning revolves around the number of people who will be in attendance.
With that in mind, planning can get cutthroat.
If certain people always prove unreliable, then they may find themselves on the ‘Not Invited’ list.
And, of course, those are the guests who are first to cause a scene when they find themselves out in the cold.
Case in point…
Redditor Important-Window-715 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for having my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and her two kids escorted away by security because she refused to RSVP?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last week was our daughter’s 16th birthday.”
“We decided to go all out on her party for a variety of reasons.”
“This would include a private tour of a place she’s wanted to go to, and we rented out a room to have a catered dinner.”
“This should all have been just a smooth ride, Right?”
“Enter my SIL.”
“My wife and her sister do not get along.”
“They can keep up a causal relationship for the sake of family, but that’s it.”
“It doesn’t help that my experiences with my SIL have been incredibly dramatic.”
“She’s quick to play the victim and gaslight.”
“SIL has two daughters who are practically best friends with my daughter.”
“So obviously she wanted to invite them.”
“One big issue with SIL and her family is that when it comes to coordinating anything with them, they are unreliable on a good day…”
“They are never on time, sometimes hours (or in one case a day) late, and will not communicate at all if they are planning to show up.”
“The thing I hate the most is that she will just text you randomly after an event started saying they decided not to come or show up when they said they said they can’t make it.”
“Because my wife does not get along with her, I told her I would handle it.”
“I sent two emails, and three texts, and had a 20-minute phone call with SIL months ago telling her what we were doing for my daughter’s birthday.”
“Because of what we were planning, we needed to buy tickets for everyone and tell the caterers how many they were serving.”
“I needed an RSVP as soon as humanly possible to organize this stuff.”
“She either needed to be on time or tell me she could not make it.”
“I told her if she ghosts me, there will be no tickets for her and her kids.”
“She ghosted me.”
“I didn’t buy her and her kid’s tickets.”
“SIL and her kids showed up (on time somehow) for the event.”
“My wife was livid, so I handled the situation on my own and told my SIL and her kids they need to leave because we did not get tickets for her.”
“If she wanted to join us for the tour, it would cost quite a bit to get new tickets, and the caterers do not allow alterations after a certain amount of time out from the event.”
“At first, she tried to say she did RSVP with me, and then eventually started to shame me.”
“Our guide called security, and in the end, she and her daughters were escorted away.”
“The event was great, but my SIL’s entire family has blown up at me and my wife.”
“The event was 2 hours away from SIL’s home, and they say it was heartless of me to turn her away after the trip.”
“Along with this, her daughters have now stopped talking to my daughter.”
“Telling her that I kicked them out of her party.”
“I explained to my daughter the situation, and she called me a d**k.”
“My wife has told me to ignore her family and that my daughter will realize we’re not in the wrong.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You sent out emails and texts and had a discussion over the phone about the RSVP.”
“SIL is the AH, and so is the rest of the family that is on her side.” ~ Hungry-Book
“Bingo! SIL seems to be a master manipulator.”
“I think SIL was also the more favored one between her and OP’s wife during their childhood, which has led to the resentment and bitterness between the two to this day.”
“OP is NTA but I think he needs to sit with daughter along with his wife and explain the whole situation to and also teach daughter not to call her own dad a ‘d*ck.'” ~ Fantastic_Bag4908
“Oh for sure the daughter is also an AH in this situation in my opinion.”
“I’m a 17m, and I would never for the life of me call either of my parents a bad name, ESPECIALLY after taking me out for my birthday to a place I’ve always wanted to tour and catering dinner.”
“That is so luxurious, and I’d be so lucky but to call my dad a d*ck for (rightfully) kicking out my two cousins, who I’m close with?”
“Never in a million years.” ~ Phantom_Fusion
“NTA, but if the daughter is close with her cousins and her cousins are close in age. Maybe it’s time to start trying to coordinate directly with those girls for kids’ hangouts in the future.”
“They’re old enough to be able to take some responsibility for it, and maybe that way, the kids won’t be punished for SIL’s terrible behavior.” ~ Geraldine-PS
“NTA. Her daughters are going to end up just like her… acting entitled their whole entire lives.”
“Your daughter may be upset with you right now, but one day she will realize why you did what you did.” ~ Me-323
“NTA. You gave her more than enough chances.”
“The one point I would say YTA on is not explaining to your daughter ahead of time that if her aunt didn’t RSVP, her cousins wouldn’t have a place at the party, and why.”
“Once doing so, it would be reasonable to only take that RSVP from SIL, herself, and not because ‘daughter said cousin said SIL said’ they would be there.” ~ hellinahandbasket127
“I’m kind of surprised the daughter wasn’t more involved.”
“If I was besties with my cousins, we would be talking about the party all the time, and maybe would tell them to make sure their mom doesn’t drop the ball!”
“I also feel like if all the girls are close, maybe the cousins could have spent the night beforehand or something so they could remove flaky mom from the equation because although I agree NTA it really sucks that all of the girls missed out… maybe they live too far away or something.” ~ bonnbonnz
“NTA. Actions have consequences.”
“You gave her every chance not to f**k it up.”
“And she f**ked it up.”
“That’s on her.” ~ tastygluecakes
“Exactly! I think the daughter is only upset because her cousins spun it so that her dad wasn’t fair to them and their mom.”
“And being a teenage girl, she’s going with her ‘best friends’ because why would they lie to her, and why would their mom lie to them? <insert eye roll>”
“OP, IF you want to explain to your daughter what happened, make sure you provide the back sorry with examples of her (SIL/Aunt) previous behavior.”
“Also, try to use recent examples that your daughter may remember. NTA.” ~ Pixiedust027
“NTA. HOWEVER, you do have damage control to do and maybe need to make compromises.”
“The important relationship at risk here is your daughter and her cousins.”
“You aren’t in the wrong here as there really wasn’t much you could have done.”
“There wasn’t food for them. There weren’t tickets for them.”
“The venue wouldn’t have accommodated them even if you wanted to.”
“I think that’s the part that’s important for your daughter to understand: even if you had tried to welcome your sister-in-law and her kids with open arms, the venue would have sent them away.”
“You didn’t call security on them.”
“Regardless, if there’s anything that can be done to help make amends, I would ( within reason) attempt to make things right with the kids for your daughter’s sake.” ~ Ill_be_myself
“NTA. You needed to confirm the numbers for the tour and the catering.”
“You’ve tried and tried to get confirmation and got ghosted.”
“There was only so much you can do to include them.”
“The guide called security (not you).”
“Your daughter is currently hurt from losing her best friends.”
“Probably you and your wife can try explaining things to her again later when everything has calmed down.”
“Show her proof of the conversation if required.” ~ Vvvvvhonestopinion
“NTA. If it was a regular party, then that’s different, but you clearly explained to her you needed to know so that you could plan and spend accordingly.”
“I don’t know who in their right mind would read that, ghost you, and then show up on the day of.”
“I’d be pissed, and I’d do the same.” ~ Silent_Ad5275
“I say NTA on all fronts.”
“If it’s your responsibility to plan the party with what you had by asking for RSVPs, then it falls to those who want to go to RSVP no matter the relationship the birthday person has with those who decide they’re automatically exempt from extending a simple ‘yeah, I believe we can make that!'”
“You explained to your daughter with transparency.”
“It’s honestly her choice to seek blame in the situation in the first place.”
“I can understand the hurt of learning my loved ones were escorted from my birthday party; however, I’d want to know what happened instead of looking for someone to be upset with.”
“It looks like she still has to learn that (which is okay and will come with understanding).”
“I think you did the best you could.” ~ Noodlez5446
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You had a specific plan that was time sensitive.
You did everything you could to communicate.
The day was about your daughter, not your SIL.
She has a lot to learn.
Hopefully, your daughter will eventually understand and can repair things with her besties.