It's never fun when a kind gesture backfires in a major way,
Such was the case for Redditor
Away-Date7594, who thought she went above and beyond in getting her teenage sister exactly what she wanted for her birthday.
But after the teenage sister's reaction to the present was less than appreciative, the original poster (OP) worried she might have made a mistake.
This led her to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting my sister an XXL jumper when she asked for a L?"
The OP first explained the steps she took to ensure her teenage sister got exactly what she wanted for her birthday. "So I (19 f[emale]) have a 14-year-old sister called Jade." "Jade's birthday was a few days ago and apparently, I've majorly f*cked up." "Jade asked me for a jumper from a certain online store and asked for it in size L because she wants it a little baggy (she's usually a size M)." "The issue is that I've brought from this store multiple times and their sizes are all out of whack." "For example, you order a size L but the fit is that of an S." "Or an XXL is the fit of an L." "It's very annoying and I've made the mistake one too many times, so when Jade asked for an L, I ordered an XXL." "I didn't think anything of it, in my mind, I was getting her what she wanted in the fit she wanted." "I do the same with myself if I buy from there." But while the OP felt she had mastered the system, her efforts to make her younger sister happy did not meet with the results she had hoped for. "Well, her birthday rolls around and she opens my gift." "I preambled a little by saying that I had to get it in a bigger size because of the store's sizing and she said fine." "At first she's super excited but then she sees the sizing." "She gets really upset and doesn't talk to me for the rest of the evening." "My mom is furious with me." "I made it very clear that it's because of the store's weird and f*cked up sizing issues, but they weren't having it." "AITA?" "EDIT: The jumper fit exactly how she wanted it to." Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation. - NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
There was firm agreement amongst Redditors that the OP was not the a**hole by giving her sister the larger sized sweater.
Many agreed that both the OP's sister and mother were being far too sensitive, and chose to ignore how the OP was doing her younger sister a favor. "NTA- your sis is being way too delicate for her own good and your mom is enabling it." "Both are old enough to understand your point about the sizes running on the small side." "Especially since she asked for something from that particular store." "Next time, just get her what she asks for and watch her struggle to get into it." - Libba_Loo.
"NTA." "You knew how the jumpers fit from that store." "You were trying to do a nice thing." "And you were right. It fit perfectly." "Sister has to learn that those little letters (and the size numbers) are meaningless with all the variation between manufacturers." - del901 "I would say NTA, you actually got her what she wanted." "And yes sometimes some stores are kind of mixed up when it comes to sizes." "She should try it before and if it doesn't fit her the way she originally wanted you can exchange it." -TudorEliOwly
Some were sympathetic to the younger sister, as sometimes seeing sizes in clothes can be an emotional trigger, but still agreed that she ignored that the OP in fact got her a sweater in just the fit she wanted. "NTA." "It's just common sense to buy things in the right sizing." "I don't know if it was one of them, but many asian store have clothing that are REALLY small and even on their website they recommend going 2 sizes up if you live outside of Asia."
"I always find it a little hurtful when I see my clothes with those huge size on them, but hell, wearing them don't make me fatter. It's just a tag." "NTA." "Women’s sizing is terrible." "You wear an xs one place and an xl at another." "It’s a sh*tty thing to have to deal with but it’s not your fault." - Kingofthewhalepeople
"NTA - It may have been better to have spoken to her about this issue before you ordered it, so it wasn't such a shock to her when she received it."
"It sounds like she may be feeling insecure about herself, which is why your explanation fell on deaf ears." "Are you aware of any insecurity issue?" "I still say NTA because it was a timing issue, unintentional, with reasonable explanation." "If you were aware it might upset her, I'd lean more towards a**hole." - Katatonic92
"NTA." "You knew the sizing of the store and ordered accordingly." "I guess your sister, giving that she is only 14, was shocked about the sizing and thought that you think she’s fat." "Body image at that age can be really tricky especially with Social Media and all those gorgeous skinny girls." "I think you should let your sister cool off a bit and talk to her again in a calm setting." "Explain her why you got the XXL and that the sizing of the brand is off." "Reassure her that you think she is beautiful and that sizing shouldn’t matter." - forreverwinter. "She young and likely dealing with body issues - it's not about what you bought." "This is about how she's letting the size on the clothes define her - am XXL means she's 'fat' in her mind." "Honestly, not sure how your mom's not picking up on that...." - Effective-Apple-7847
Some felt that pressure young girls face in regards to clothes and public appearance meant that that neither the OP nor her sister were a**holes in this situation. "NAH - you were trying to get your sister what she actually wanted and your sister is 14 and it makes total sense she got upset when she saw the size, she’s grown up in a society that places so much importance on size." "I don’t really get the comments that says she’s being ridiculous because what do you expect when we are surrounded by messaging that anything ‘too big’ is horrible?" "I think this is a good teachable moment for you two though!" "Talk to her about the issues with sizing and how your self worth should come from what’s inside rather than the sizing of your clothes!" "Now is the time to make sure you’re there for her, and helping her push back on societies unhealthy size standards!" - confused_friend5467 "NAH." "I get why she was upset, I am too when I have to wear clothes that are a size 3xL when in reality I'm an L." "It is one of the many reasons that contributed to my eating disorder." "BUT! What you did was incredibly sweet and it fit perfectly." "You did great! " "I'm just concerned about her behavior because it mirrors mine, and no one noticed." "I would talk with her and ask if stuff is okay." "Don't worry, once the initial sting for her soothes, she'll apologize to you for her outburst." "That's when I would check on her." "You are the best sister." - Deceptibot-LazyAF
It sounded like it wasn't a particularly happy birthday for anyone that night.
Here's hoping that the OP's younger sister will soon understand that the OP made her decisions with the best of intentions.
