Wedding planning is stressful and expensive enough on its own, but anyone who has ever been involved with the task knows that there can quickly be too many cooks in the kitchen.
That can be especially true, cringed the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, when the team starts discussing more sensitive topics like wedding colors or invitations.
Redditor bballpro37 was excited about her wedding and was happy to involve everyone she loved in the wedding party.
But when her sister demanded she change her wedding colors so that it was more complementary of her skin tone, and her family actually supported her sister’s demands, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure how to make everyone happy while hosting the wedding of her dreams.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for uninviting my sister from my wedding after she demanded I change my wedding colors because they ‘clash’ with her complexion?”
The OP was excited about her big day.
“I (28 Female) am getting married to the love of my life (30 Male) in six months.”
“We’ve been planning our dream wedding for over a year, and everything was going smoothly until recently.”
“My older sister, Sarah (32 Female), has always been… particular. She’s very into aesthetics and her personal image. She’s also used to getting her way. When we were kids, she was always the ‘golden child,’ and my parents rarely told her no.”
“We’re not super close, but we’re on decent terms. I asked her to be a bridesmaid, and she accepted. I was happy to have her be a part of my special day.”
The OP was alarmed when her sister contested her wedding plans.
“We decided on a color scheme of dusty rose and sage green for our wedding. I love these colors, and they fit perfectly with our outdoor, garden-themed venue. I sent out a mood board to the bridal party, including Sarah, to give them an idea of the overall vibe.”
“A few days later, Sarah called me, practically in tears. She said the colors were ‘horrendous’ and would ‘completely wash her out.’ She has olive skin and dark hair, and apparently, these colors are her ‘worst nightmare.'”
“She demanded I change the entire wedding color scheme to something that would ‘complement her better,’ like jewel tones.”
“I was shocked. I tried to explain that we had already put down deposits based on these colors, and it was way too late to change everything. I also reminded her that the wedding was about me and my fiancé, not her.”
“She went ballistic, accused me of being selfish and inconsiderate, and said I was ‘ruining her experience.’ She even threatened not to come if I didn’t change the colors.”
The OP was even more shocked when people supported her sister’s demands.
“After a few days of her relentless pressure and guilt-tripping, I finally snapped. I told her that if she was that unhappy with the colors, then maybe it was best if she didn’t come at all. I uninvited her from the wedding and the bridal party.”
“Now, my parents are furious. They’re saying I’m overreacting and being a ‘bridezilla.’ They’re accusing me of ruining the family over something as trivial as wedding colors. Some of my extended family are also taking her side, saying I should be more accommodating.”
“My fiancé supports my decision, but I’m starting to feel incredibly guilty. I’m also heartbroken that this is causing such a huge rift in my family. Maybe I should have tried harder to make my sister happy, even if it meant changing my vision.”
“So, Reddit, am I wrong for uninviting my sister from my wedding because she demanded I change my wedding colors to suit her complexion?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was right to have the wedding that she wanted.
“NTA. You are starting a new phase of your life, so do it on your terms and stop letting your family’s dysfunction shadow your life.”
“Tell your parents that they have always favored your sister and she’s now a 32-year-old spoiled brat who thinks your wedding should be all about her.”
“Do not back down, your life will be the better for it.” – IcyWheel
“NTA: This is your wedding. It’s also a chance to start a new family with your husband who supports you. Sadly, it might be time to trim the weeds.” – OwlT1me
“NTA, and if your family considers wedding colors trivial, then they should be telling your sister to suck it up for something ‘trivial.'”
“Additionally, she’s the bridesmaid, not the bride. She doesn’t get to have anything her way, to be honest. This day is for you and your soon-to-be husband. It has absolutely nothing to do with her.” – Anxious_Coconut6265
“NTA. My SIL complained about our simple dress code because she wanted to wear something flashy.”
“She got herself banned by her brother (my husband) after she thought he would side with her, saying I was being too demanding but not wanting her to look like a purple disco ball at our afternoon garden wedding, lol (laughing out loud).” – saltedcaramelcookie
“NTA. I dress in a gothic fashion most of the time or at least some form of witchy vibe. I wear black clothes with heavy dramatic make-up… it’s a big part of who I am and I love that about myself. I have a look that is recognizably me.”
“If I was a bridesmaid and they wanted me to wear a dusty rose dress with rose gold eyeshadow and nude lipstick, I would be happy to do so… Put me in whatever as long as it physically fits I will wear it.”
“Worst case, if I have to buy it myself, I will work out a way to dye it after the wedding or donate it to a friend who will get use out of it since I know a lot of people who DIY outfits themself… it’s not that big of a deal.” – Trash-panda-art
“NTA. This is so completely weird and random, it has to be true. And please explain to everyone why your sister threw a tantrum, and if they still support her insane demands, they can be uninvited also.” – Comfortable-Focus123
“While I agree with your feelings, I think you shouldn’t’ve disinvited her entirely, but rather just removed her from the bridal party.”
“Why? Because everyone else is being unreasonable; it’s best to be entirely reasonable and let them lose their minds over in Crazyville. All other reasonable people will agree with you and you’ll get a really good picture of whom to cut out of your life after the wedding.”
“Still, NTA.” – JadieJang
Others agreed and assumed the sister was not married and wanted the colors for herself.
“20 bucks says the sister is unmarried with no prospects but has a vision board with these exact colors for her own, not even close to being a reality, wedding. NTA.” – Lost_Consequence4711
“I’m willing to bet she wants those colors for herself. She probably didn’t even think about them until she saw her sister planning to use them, either.” – threadmaster84
“Forever ago, I was a pro-MUA working through college and I have absolutely seen stupid arguments like this at the +100 weddings I’ve been to. I wished I had written everything down because I probably could have written a book if I remembered everything.”
“I’m somewhat like the sister in that I care about my appearance, expert knowledge on hair/skin/makeup, olive skin tones, dark hair and I look D**N good in jewel tones. I’ve seen dusty rose and sage used for wedding colors and it’s gorgeous”
“I’ve been asked to wear colors that I didn’t necessarily like, but I knew enough about how to change my makeup so that I could minimize the colors washing me out. I did it because it’s not my wedding. H**l, with all the s**t I’ve seen, I’ve told my partner that I would never want a wedding if we ever got engaged.”
“The first thing I would have shouted at the sister would be, ‘It’s not your wedding, so deal with it. If you ever get married, feel free to go wild with the colors you want.'” – jasperjamboree
“When did weddings become more about other people than the bride and groom?”
“You are NOT tearing your family apart. Your sister is. I don’t even understand why anyone, including your parents, believe they have a say or a right to get involved.”
“Stick your vision. Your sister can take her issues up with her wedding coordinator. I might even go as far as sitting down with your mom and dad to discuss if they want to attend your wedding, too. If so, then they need to stay in their lane (though I’d only really worry about it if your dad is walking you down the aisle).”
“I would turn to your father and say, ‘I have dreamed about you giving me away, but if sister is out to ruin things for us on our big day, then I am extremely disappointed right now.'” – rexmaster2
“NTA. Sorry, but your sister sounds completely delusional and so do your parents.”
“Which bride and groom choose colors based on whether they flatter their sister or not? It’s your wedding and if she starts drama and ruins your day, she needs to stay home.”
“Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bridezilla. They are boundaries that she seems to have needed her entire life.” – CandyPopPanda
“NTA. If it’s so trivial, as your parents deemed it, then your sister, and everyone else, should be able to get over it. It’s trivial, after all.”
“Let them all know, when it’s your sister’s wedding, you’ll let her pick the colors and not say a word about it. It’s trivial, after all.” – LilPebzzz
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“Holy crap, I didn’t expect this kind of response! Thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and similar experiences. It’s been a huge help.”
“I’m still feeling good about my decision, but family drama is never fun.”
Fellow Redditors could not stop shaking their heads over the sister’s audacity at wanting someone else’s wedding to be planned around what would make her look good, rather than the bride.
If she was going to be so concerned about how she’d wind up looking in the photos, she might be better off staying home.