Infertility can be a painful reality if a person wants to have children. But does it mean any available child is automatically theirs?
A man is dealing with a difference of opinion with his sister. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” subReddit for feedback on his decisions.
The Redditor asked:
“AITA for ‘stealing’ my sisters only chance at having kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I am a 29-year-old man. I don’t currently have a solid interest in having kids, nor am I opposed to the idea. I guess I have that ‘If it happens, it happens’ attitude to the thought.”
“I have a friend I knew since high school (for the sake of things I’ll call him Larry) who I was very close to, I would call him my brother. I was also close to his son, (Zack, 11) he’d call me ‘Uncle Dan’.”
“Larry and I had a tendency to talk about a lot of morbid subjects, but the one relative to this story was what happens to Zack once Larry dies. Larry is cut off from his family, due to the fact he came out as atheist.”
“He’s from a devout Christian family. He’d always say that he’d want Zack to go to me should he die.”
“The time came sooner than I thought, poor Larry ended up dying after a battle with cancer. Since then Zack has been staying with me and honestly, it has helped me through this.”
“He starts calling me ‘Dad’ now and we’ve become even closer than before. I was happy to call this little boy my son.”
“One time, my sister, (who was also friends with Larry) came over and said she was happy that Zack is back up and running, and that ‘He’s going to love it at her place’. I just assumed at that time that she meant he was going to like coming over there sometimes.”
“Just three days ago, I went to a family function hosted by my Uncle, with a lot of people including my sister, there. My sister later came over to me, and asked how Zack is doing.”
“I said he’s fine. Then she asked me the most perplexing question that spurred this entire shitshow.”
“She asked me when Zack would be coming to live with her.”
“I asked her what she was talking about, and she said that 6 months is too long of a temporary settlement for Zack and he should be fine by now to come with her.
I said he was living with me full time, and that caused her to short circuit for a bit, and then explode.”
“She said that’s isn’t fair on her, as she was closer to Larry than I was (sure, during high school) and that I never wanted kids anyway. She then proceeded to scream that I know she’s infertile, and that Zack was her only chance to have kids. She said this in front of everyone might I add.”
“That took a few seconds to process, and then I flat out told her what she said was just messed up. I said she clearly only saw Zack as a way to satisfy her motherhood dreams, not as a human being.”
“That caused her to start crying, and my mom shouted at me to get out, to which my Uncle said ‘No, you and Avery get out’, which made them both scream and cry, which forced my brother-in-law and Uncle to force them out.”
“After that, a lot of my family members started harrasing me via text, calling me an a** for taking away my sister’s only oppurtunity to be a mother. The only one’s on my side are my Uncle, Brother-in-law and my eldest sister.”
“I know I’m not an a**hole for taking in the kid, but I wanna know was I an a**hole for being rude to her like that?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Zack is not ‘her chance at motherhood’, Zack is Zack—a grieving little boy who has fortunately found a new home with a loving guardian and should not be passed around like a trophy in the Saddest Story competition.”
“Keep up the good work, OP. And I’m so sorry for your and Zack’s loss.” ~ Jazmadoodle
“Also not sure what’s stopping her from going through the process of adoption if she wants children that badly. Could it be that that actually takes work and she wants the rewards without any of the effort?”
“Not to mention that Zack’s father most likely never said anything about Zack going to her. It sounds like the dad knew exactly what he wanted for his kid when he passed. OP ignore your sister.” ~ rummhamm87
“Could be her obvious mental instability. Anyone who starts screaming and crying at someone in front of a room full of people after being told ‘No’, wouldn’t exactly make the most suitable parent.” ~ sapphicsapphires
“And not just because she yelled and screamed at the gathering, but that she even imagined Zack would be living with her at all. From OP’s story, there never was any discussion of this happening.”
“And a sane person would not have made up some fantasy about how Zack was with OP for a ‘temporary settlement’ and then was going to live with her. Why would that even happen?”
“There was just no reason at all for her to think he’d live with her at any point. So she was either thinking she could trick OP into sending Zack to her by pretending it was expected, or she’s just completely adrift from reality.”
“Neither of which is a good thing for a potential parent for a grieving child. And their mother seems to have some issues, too.”
“Especially with all the yelling and whining about this being her only chance for motherhood. As others have pointed out, there is adoption and foster care.”
“But if she’s not fit for those, she’s not fit to take care of Zack, either.” ~ indi50
Redditors agreed that Zack’s placement should honor his father’s wishes. Just because OP’s sister wants a child doesn’t make her entitled to claim Zack.