We can all agree on how much it hurts when we hope that someone will show up for us when we need them the most, whether it’s to celebrate or work through something, and then they let us down.
But it feels even worse when they then try to turn around to ask us for a favor, expecting us to not let them down in return, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor willibillly123 was the first in her family to go to college, so when she also completed her Master’s degree, she was excited and wanted to go to the ceremony and celebrate with her family.
Her family no-showed the event without even so much as a text message to explain her absence, but the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when days later, she reached out, expecting her to babysit her two children for free for an entire weekend on short notice.
The OP asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to babysit my sister’s kids after she missed my graduation?”
The OP was hurt when her sister wasn’t there for her during an important moment.
“I (25 Female) just graduated with my Master’s degree last month. I’m the first in my family to graduate from college, let alone get a Master’s, so it was a big deal for me.”
“I invited my whole immediate family, including my older sister (32 Female), who has two kids (5 and 3). She said she’d be there.”
“The day of my graduation came, and she never showed up. No text, no call.”
“Later that night, I got a message from her saying something ‘came up’ and she ‘didn’t want to deal with dragging the kids to sit through a long ceremony.'”
“I was really hurt I worked my butt off and just wanted my family there.”
It was like salt in the wound when the OP’s sister then expected her to be there for her.
“A week later, she called me up and asked if I could watch her kids for a full weekend so she and her husband could go on a last-minute couples getaway.”
“I told her I wasn’t comfortable doing that and reminded her that she couldn’t even bother to show up to my graduation.”
“She got super defensive and said I was being ‘immature’ and ‘punishing her kids for something that’s not their fault.'”
The OP was surprised when her family sided against her, too.
“Now my parents are telling me I should have just watched the kids because ‘family helps family,’ and ‘kids shouldn’t suffer over adult problems.'”
“I still feel hurt and honestly don’t feel like doing her any favors right now.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was NTA and that her sister was entitled.Â
“NTA.”
“Skipping your graduation with no notice, and then turning around and asking for a huge favor a week later is pretty entitled.”
“It’s not about punishing her kids; it’s about respecting you.”
“You’re allowed to set boundaries, especially after being let down like that.” – PM_ME
“It’s not about the kids at all; it’s about feeling respected. It’s tough when someone takes you for granted and expects you to just move on right away. Boundaries are necessary.” – cherryswish734
“It’s not even a family emergency or anything, just a last-minute couples getaway.”
“Maybe they should be responsible adults and make sure they have child care BEFORE they arrange a getaway, and not assume that they can just dump their kids on someone else.”
“I mean, they already hurt the OP by ‘something coming up’ and not wanting to drag the kids through some horrible ‘long ceremony,’ so they backed out. Maybe if they cared about the OP’s feelings, they would have lined up a babysitter so they could still attend.”
“This is just the consequence of their actions. Pay for childcare, people.” – De-railled
“I hate this ‘my sister with the Master’s degree didn’t do what I wanted her to do, so I’m going to stomp my feet and go running to Mommy and Daddy and tell them she’s ruining my special weekend, and they can make her do what I want.'”
“It’s always ‘family helps family’ when THEY need something. But when it’s the other way around, it’s crickets. She didn’t help you! And all she had to do was corral her kids into some seats and wait out a ceremony for a while, and maybe go to dinner, not spend an entire weekend with children I can’t help but assume are freaking FERAL.”
“It’s frustrating to feel like you’re the only one putting in any effort, and you get punished the minute you ‘come up short.’ I’m sorry, OP. NTA.” – themcp
“There’s a saying about boundaries: ‘The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.'”
“You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. You deserve better. Good luck, OP.” – Curious_Patient_20
“If they can’t see how you not sticking your neck out to babysit your sister’s kids is in direct correlation with your sister just showing support for you by sticking her butt in a seat for a ceremony, you should then tell your family, ‘Well, since family helps family, I’ll just tell my sister that you volunteered to look after her kids, how kind!'”
“Watch them immediately change their tune, and then go low contact with them. Celebrate your wins, and live your life. NTA.” – DRS8402
“NTA.”
“1. Never listen to parents on sibling disagreements. They just want their siblings to get along; they see rifts as a failure in their parenting.”
“2. Her kids are her problem, not yours. Having kids is tough.”
“3. You’re not ‘punishing’ her kids by stopping their parents from going away. That’s just reaching for impact and deflecting the fact that she bailed on you and didn’t apologize.”
“4. Her reaction shows she had assumed you would do this. Being taken for granted like this is disrespectful, and you need to reset her level of entitlement. She thinks she can snap her fingers and you’ll jump through a hoop, and she needs to realize that isn’t the case.” – Lambsenglish
Others pointed out that this also did not count as “punishing” the sister’s kids.
“Why is it punishing the kids to refuse to watch them while their parents go on a vacation? This way, the kids can go on vacation, too! At least it’s not ‘sitting through some lonnnnnng ceremony.'” – pmousebrown
“I want the OP to say, ‘What? I’m punishing the kids by not letting you ditch them for an adult vacation? Gee, sounds like that’s more punishing for you. Unless you’re telling me that you treat your kids badly, and so them being with you is punishment for them?'” – katybean12
“Let’s call a spade a spade:Â The kids aren’t being punished. Sis feels punished because she can’t get away from the kids. Boo hoo. NTA.” – biteme789
“The OP wrote, ‘She said I was being ‘immature’ and ‘punishing her kids for something that’s not their fault.'”
“The kids aren’t being punished; the parents are because they don’t get to have a free weekend.”
“It’s one thing if sis had called beforehand and congratulated you and made her excuses, but she was radio silent, indicating that your graduation wasn’t a big deal, just another day.”
“NTA.” – mca2021
“It isn’t about punishing her kids. What it’s really about is that they can’t go on their weekend trip. They are very selfish and entitled. NTA, OP.” – OkieLady1952
“NTA. You’re not punishing the kids. You’re punishing her.”
“Consequences. Not punishment. Natural outcome.”
“Is the sister going on that vacation no matter what, and will she just let her kids out at the next gas station or what? Or will she be p**sed off and her mood will affect her children, so she herself will punish them for existing? Stupid manipulation tactic.”
“Yes, family helps family, but you also get what you give.” – leyavain
“The kids aren’t suffering. The PARENTS may be, but the kids aren’t. NTA.” – 4me2knowit
“Why aren’t your parents offering to babysit for them if they’re so serious about ‘family helping family’? It’s a bunch of bulls**t. They’re probably pressuring you so they don’t have to babysit themselves.”
“I can understand your sister not wanting to bring two very young kids to a graduation, but it’s obvious she has a husband, so why couldn’t he have watched them while she attended? Or why couldn’t she simply send a text to at least let you know she wasn’t coming?”
“A lamea** message way after the event with a lame arse excuse isn’t acceptable and they’d never get a favour from me again.”
“Honestly, f**k them. NTA, and stand your ground. Why should you give up a whole weekend, straight after you’ve graduated and should be out celebrating yourself? And I bet those kids are awful, based on the people raising them; you wouldn’t want a weekend alone with that.” – KayleighGibson
While it might be nice for family to help family, the road goes both ways.
It might be nice for the sister and her husband to have a weekend away to reconnect without their children, but it also would have been nice for the OP to be surrounded by family while being recognized for an achievement she was the first in her family to reach.
Since the OP’s parents were being so opinionated about the situation, it seemed logical for them to be the ones to step up. The couple could get some “much-needed” time together, while the grandparents got some much-needed time with their grandkids. Win-win!