Some people are just obnoxious bullies. But they don’t achieve that status on their own.
They require enablers. People who excuse their behavior and insist others do as well.
A woman tired of her sister’s constant negativity and belittling comments turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
FunnyFox8496 asked:
“AITA for refusing to invite my sister to my wedding because of how she treated me during my engagement?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (27, female) am currently planning my wedding, which is in a few months. My sister (30, female) and I have had a rocky relationship for a while, but I still considered her important enough to be part of my big day.”
“However, things changed drastically over the past year. When I got engaged, I was super excited and naturally shared the news with family first.”
“My sister didn’t react the way I expected. Instead of being happy for me, she seemed almost dismissive and changed the subject whenever I brought up the wedding.”
“I tried to ignore it, thinking she might just be going through her own stuff. But then, every time we’d get together with family, she’d make subtle digs about my wedding choices.”
“She’d say things like, ‘Oh, you’re doing a small wedding? That’s… different’, or, ‘I hope the food won’t be too cheap’. It felt like she was constantly judging everything I’d planned.”
“I confronted her once, asking if she had an issue with the wedding, and she just laughed it off, saying I was being ‘too sensitive’. The tipping point came a month ago at a family gathering.”
“She made a joke about how ‘it’s a miracle anyone would put up with me for life’, right in front of my fiancé and his family. I was mortified.”
“I pulled her aside and asked her to stop, but she got defensive, saying she was just ‘joking’ and that I needed to ‘relax’.”
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and honestly, I don’t want her negative energy on my wedding day. I want it to be a happy, drama-free day.”
“So, I decided not to invite her, and of course, that caused a huge fallout with my family. My parents think I’m overreacting and that I’m tearing the family apart, but I feel like I need to prioritize my own peace and happiness.”
“I’m just making things easier for her, too—no need for either of us to be uncomfortable.”
“It does feel unfair that my parents haven’t addressed her behavior directly. I’ve tried to handle it myself, but maybe it’s time they step in.”
“I feel like I’ve tried to be polite about it, but the constant digs are too much. I’ll definitely ask my parents why they’re okay with her behavior, but not my boundaries.”
“It feels like they’re enabling her behavior. I honestly don’t know why they let it slide, but it’s not fair to keep putting it on me to ‘be the bigger person’.”
“AITA for uninviting my sister from my wedding because of her constant negativity?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I chose to uninvite my sister from my wedding because of her constant negative remarks and the impact they had on my peace of mind.”
“I might be the a**hole because, instead of addressing the issue further with her or finding a way to set boundaries, I just excluded her, which hurt her and caused family drama.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Anyone who would tell you, ‘it’s a miracle anyone would put up with you for life’ should not be invited to your wedding. Your sister is going to struggle in life if that’s how she treats people.”
“And that’s definitely not a joke.”
“Tell your parents that your sister’s behavior is offensive and that she’s the one who damaged the family relationship. Recommend that they get her therapy.” ~ teresajs
“She’s carried on like this for a year and you have spoken to her several times. Each time you are dismissed and labelled ‘sensitive’.”
“At 30 years of age, she should know how to behave better. Your parents feel you’re tearing the family apart? Is there a reason they haven’t spoken to her about her obvious issues and poor manners?”
“Should you just let it go and hope she doesn’t pull a stunt at your wedding? You are NTA here, but your parents have failed by taking sides and failing to act as parents.”
“Honestly, your sister sounds like a jealous little girl who can’t sort out her own feelings and instead takes them out on you. That’s not fair.”
“I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position and I truly hope your wedding is every bit as beautiful and magical as you hope it will be. Congratulations on finding your one.” ~ Miss_Melody_Pond
“‘Be the bigger person’ is code for ‘Take the abuse for the sake of other peoples’ comfort’. Meaning they will have to answer awkward questions instead of standing up for you. They are spineless against her and anyone who might ask why she isn’t there.”
“You do not need to live in what I love to call ‘Dishonest Harmony’. Stand your ground. Stand up for yourself and hopefully your fiancée does too.”
“It is and will be hard. Hopefully things work out better by the time your wedding day is here. NTA.” ~ Meschugena
“You caught on to this a lot faster than I did when my sister started doing it! NTA if you uninvite her.”
“Behavior like that has consequences. Who would want someone like this at their wedding anyway?”
“Congrats! I hope it’s an incredible day followed by an even more incredible marriage!” ~ Runns_withScissors
“NTA. Your sister sounds jealous as Feck!!! However, think long and hard about what possible ramifications it will have in your family if you do exclude her.”
“But before excluding her, with your parents and fiancé in the room, tell her point blank that if she can’t be happy for you and stop being so negative, then she won’t be welcome. A wedding is a place for positive energy and love, not backstabbing.” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454
“Only invite people who will bring joy. She sounds like an emotional vampire. NTA.” ~ Routine-Friend-7585
“You can invite or not invite whomever you please. There will always be a reaction to not inviting an immediate family member or going child-free, for example. More people will decline when this happens, it’s just how it works.”
“In your specific case, you are NTA.”
“When your sister or parents defend her words as jokes, ask them ‘What part was meant to be funny? The part where she degraded me in front of my family or the disrespect she has displayed all these months? Really, which part is funny?’.”
“They won’t have a good response. Your parents and their flying monkeys may not attend your wedding in ‘support of your sister’. Good riddance.”
“You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you unconditionally on your wedding day. The people who don’t come are telling you that they only conditionally support you.”
“It sucks, but now you know who they really are and you won’t have to expend more energy than they give you. And with fewer people, you can shift your budget to the extra wedding thing you weren’t able to afford before! Win!” ~ HighlyImprobable42
“If you addressed it once, that should have been enough. Instead of backing off, she doubled down and went into personal attacks. NTA.”
“As to causing a family rift, you’re being put in the ‘let’s make the reasonable person cave, as it’s easier than confronting the unreasonable one’. Seems a common theme on family drama.” ~ BlindUmpBob
“NTA. She is a bully and you are her favourite victim. You wouldn’t invite your bully to your wedding, right?
“Her being your blood relative doesn’t give her a free pass to treat you this way. Your sister’s action are tearing your family apart.
“Also, tell everyone who is not in your corner, ‘You are overreacting. It’s just a wedding’. That could shut them up.” ~ Danube_Kitty
“NTA—you can invite whomever you want to your wedding.”
“And have you noticed that it’s always a ‘joke’ and that the person asking for someone to stop saying something rude or obnoxious is always humourless or unable to take a joke, rather than people accepting the bully is f*cked up?”
“Your sister is the one splitting the family, not you.” ~ SirGuestWho
“I’m petty and mean. Take something that she is sensitive about and start making jokes about it.”
“See how long it takes for her to flip out. Then, remind her that you are both over sensitive and unable to take a joke. Be willing to stop after she stops her b*tchy comments.”
“If she doesn’t, she obviously can dish it out and not take it.” ~ NotAllStarsTwinkle
“NTA. The relationship with your sister is already rocky, so I assume there’s more than just this. She’s now just tipping it over the edge, but since you’re the one who makes the decision to not invite her, you’re getting the blame.”
“I would consider telling everyone who says you’re tearing the family apart that she’s doing just that by being dismissive about you, your fiancé and your relationship. You’re allowed to have boundaries, and you are allowed to expect people to respect them.”
“Be clear that you only want support at your wedding, and right now, your sister isn’t showing any. If they still think sister is in the right here, thank them for showing how much they care about you and your happiness, and don’t invite them to your wedding either.” ~ EatThisShirt
The OP may not have her parents’ support, but she got plenty online. Seems like sis will be sitting this wedding out unless she changes her ways.