“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue…”
An old English rhyme that has become a wedding tradition over the passage of time.
A tradition most brides like to follow, just for the fun of it.
Even if some need to level their expectations of what their “something borrowed” might be.
Redditor Equal_Tap_6539 and her sister were both engaged.
Despite being the younger of the two, the original poster (OP)’s wedding was the first to occur.
With this in mind, the OP’s older sister felt that borrowing one specific element from the OP’s wedding would be easy and convenient.
Until, that is, the OP made it clear she would not condone this wish.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my sister wear my wedding dress for her own wedding?”
The OP explained why she was not willing to share when it came to her and her sister’s wedding:
“Basically I am 5 years younger than my sister and we are really close.”
“She came wedding dress shopping with me a few months ago and when I found my perfect dress I bought it but she fell in love with it as well and said things like ‘if you don’t buy this one I’m going to buy it for myself’.”
“I ended up buying it not out of spite but because I fell in love with it as well when I tried it on.”
“For context I have been engaged for about 2 years and she’s been engaged for 6 years and hasn’t planned her wedding and has stated she isn’t really interested in getting married as she thinks it’s a waste of money, but will have a micro wedding at some stage.”
“However she has been making jokes about wearing my dress for her own wedding when she decides to get married.”
“I’ve always just brushed them off because I thought she was just joking.”
“But we were on a FaceTime call with my Nana, Mum, myself and my sister and we were talking about how I’m getting the dress altered and my sister was like ‘no don’t make it shorter I want to be able to wear it’.”
“My Nana then chimed in and was like ‘oh that would be beautiful if you let your big sister wear your dress’.”
“And I was like ‘uh no, you can find your own dress’ and she was like ‘but your dress is my dream dress’.”
“After my nana hung up she started asking ‘are you seriously not going to let me wear your dress?’”
“And I was like ‘no it’s my dress, I want you to be able to experience wedding dress shopping and try on all different ones because the dresses I thought I liked in photos or on the rack I didn’t when I tried them on it’s a whole experience’.”
“Then she was like ‘are you serious?’”
“And I was like ‘yes it’s my dress’.”
“Then she goes ‘Okay well that’s your decision then and you’ve said no so we won’t talk about it anymore, I will just look at the pictures and remember it’s your dress and no one else’s’.”
“Am I being too harsh and dramatic about it?”
“I am really upset and everyone thinks I’m being too anal about it because it’s just a dress but it’s my wedding dress.”
“I now feel guilty?”
“I also haven’t had my wedding yet either.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her sister to use her wedding dress.
Everyone agreed that it was the OP’s dress, and if she needed to make alterations, she should proceed, and not worry about her sister needing it.
Others pointed out how her sister was likely only looking for an easy way out of wedding dress shopping, especially after she admitted to not caring so much about getting married:
“NTA.”
“It’s your dress and you can do with it as you please.”
“She can buy her own dress.”
“What is the rest of the story?”
“Can she not afford her own dress?”
“Has she always been the favorite, so Nana and Mum think her wishes should take priority?”
“Stand your ground.”
“They’re the ones being petty.”- i_am_art_65
“I absolutely love the pictures where the married couple wears their wedding outfits on the anniversary years after.”
“I teared up seeing a lady surprising her husband on their 50th anniversary wearing her wedding dress.”
“NTA 100% even if you never wear it again, it will have sentimental significance for you always.”- Difficult-Egg-9954
“Your sister doesn’t want you to alter your wedding dress to fit you perfectly… because… she wants it.”
“Read that again.”
“She’s being a selfish self-centered, uncaring person whose true colors are shining through.”
“NTA.”- Traditional-Bag-4508
“NTA.”
“First unless you and your sister are the EXACT same measurements, you don’t want that dress being strained or having to be alternated and thus damaged.”
“Even then, it’s your keepsake and memory.”
“Your sister needs to find her own and also not copy you.”- GaHistProf
“NTA.”
“She can buy the same dress and get it altered as she wants.”- ChaoticCrashy
“NTA.”
“Your sister has been engaged for 6 years and hasn’t made any efforts to plan the wedding but wants to latch on to your dress.”
“That is weird.”
“It seems like she is trying to get a free dress.”
“‘No I don’t want you to wear my dress’ is enough reason.”- Swimming-Database880
“NTA.”
“A wedding dress is a special fit just for you, and I don’t blame you for feeling weird that she wants to use it – could be construed as her wanting to steal the spotlight because she’s upset she hasn’t gotten married yet with a 6-year engagement.”- Used_Classic_6128
“NTA.”
“It is YOUR dress.”
“I would keep it locked up in a closet and keep the key with you at all times.”
“Sister might ‘accidentally’ ruin it, or it may disappear mysteriously if you don’t.”- Katesouthwest
“Why not rent it to her 9999$/day upfront – and with that money, have a great honeymoon..”
“Yes, I am a man.”
“NTA.”- Chefblogger
“NTA.”
“You’re feeling guilty because your sister manipulated you into feeling that way when you didn’t give in.”
“But you have nothing to feel guilty about; it’s your wedding dress.”
“I don’t know where your sister found the audacity, but I suspect she’s jealous that things are moving ahead for your wedding.”
“She’s been engaged six years and no wedding in sight, and her younger sister will marry first.”
“She’s trying to take some of the shine off you and your day, don’t let her.”
“Cut her out of planning where you can to avoid more issues like this.”
“Wishing you and your fiancé a happy wedding and a wonderful marriage:).”- ClassySass4u
“NTA.”
“When she said this, ‘I will just look at the pictures and remember it’s your dress and no one else’s,’ I would have said, ‘Great! You finally get it! It’s my wedding dress that i picked out and paid for myself! Well…I gotta go. I need to look for a seamstress who can alter my special wedding dress!'”
“Your sister is manipulate and selfish.”
“DO NOT GIVE IN. Go alter your dress and have your dream wedding.”- Wildtraveler910
“NTA.”
“Unless she’s paying half the cost of the dress, it’s yours, and you can do anything you want with it before or after the wedding, including chopping it up to make patchwork with or donating it to an amateur dramatics group.”- NiobeTonks
“It’s okay to just not want to share.”
“It’s not selfish.”
“A wedding dress is a sentimental keepsake.”
“Many people put theirs in shadow boxes after the wedding.”
“If your sister wears the dress, I guarantee you won’t get it back.”
“Because ‘but I wore it to my wedding! It’s my dress now you’re just being selfish’.”
“Well.”
“Be selfish then.”
“Because it’s yours, and you have a right to keep it.”
“You keep justifying your decision,n saying you want your sister to enjoy dress shopping for herself.”
“Tbh?”
“F*ck that.”
“Your reason can just be that it’s your WEDDING DRESS, and you’re keeping it because it’s YOURS.”
“NTA.”- AccomplishedTwo7047
“NTA.”
“Don’t let her guilt trip you.”
“Besides, if she wants it, she must pay for it, which she most likely isn’t willing to do.”- DynkoFromTheNorth
Even if the OP will never wear her wedding dress ever again after her wedding, it is still a sacred keepsake that she has every right to protect.
And her sister asking the OP not to alter her so that it will fit her for her own wedding is presumptuous, to say the least.
Seeing how the OP’s sister has been engaged for six years, however, one can’t help but wonder if she will ever find an occasion to wear a wedding dress.