Many of us have undoubtedly heard about–or even witnessed–weddings involving two guests that don’t get along at all.
But a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit shared that sometimes the discomfort goes far beyond a simple disagreement.
The Original Poster (OP), known as FakenameReddit on the site, cut to the chase right in the post’s title.
“Aita for not attending my BFF of over 30yrs wedding bc she invited my stalker?”
OP led with some facts that seemed normal enough.
“Edited for content per mods: First time posting but I need to know.”
“My [43-year-old female], BFF [43-year-old female] is getting married. She asked me to be in the wedding.”
But she quickly highlighted the issue.
“I knew her future hubby knew my stalker – Kevin (she previous mentioned they serve on a committee together and were friendly) and asked if He was invited.”
“She said yes, but it has been so long I should just forget it. Her future hubby has no real friends and needs guests on his side.”
That wasn’t going to cut it for OP.
“I informed her it has been over 20 years and Kevin (my stalker/43M) still tries to reach out on FB and find me.”
“He is married with kids but still tries to harass me!”
Then OP expanded on all she’s had to go through.
“I have nine or so abandoned accounts. I moved across the country to flee.”
“My BFF has witness too many incidents and knows He still tries to reach out. I am not sure what he would do if he actually saw me.”
So OP closed with a simple question.
“Am I the a**hole for not going to her wedding?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors were completely on OP’s side. In fact, many had little patience for OP’s outlook.
“NTA. Your BFF needs to understand that we are not talking about a ‘just suck it up’ situation but an actual threat to your safety. Kevin is obsessed with you and it’s mind-blowing that your BFF is this naive.”
“Don’t go, even if they promise Kevin won’t be there, it sounds like they would just lie and that you will be confronted with him. You moved across the country for fu**s sake.”
“You didn’t do that so that you would see him at BFF’s wedding. Doesn’t matter that it has been 20 years. This isn’t something you just forget.” — Potvinvis
“NTA … her future hubby is so desperate for “friends” they’re willing to overlook your safety & mental well being. Let them have stalker as friend, this person is not your BFF.” — dude_number_two
“WTF? NTA! I would never DREAM of doing this to a friend, even if the stalker was my husband’s brother. He would not be welcome, I don’t care how long ago it was.”
“Are you sure your private info is safe with your friend? If she is that sure it is in the past she might give him a way to contact you so he can ‘apologize and make it all good’ so she can have her dream wedding.” — CIDEAL37
“NTA ooof I’d be questioning my friendship with her, and how she disregarded your trauma. That from the sounds of it, still effects you.”
“She can invite whoever she wants, but you don’t have to put yourself through that.” — SerenityFate
A few were pretty skeptical of how this all came together.
“NTA OP: Are you sure your stalker is “friends” with her soon to be husband … or did he join the committee and befriend him because he knew the connection to you and it was a way to continue stalking you?” — WindowLicker1864
“NTA Let me guess, Kevin knows you’re BFFs and got on the committee after she started dating her fiance?”
“Or maybe it is a coincidence and the man who has chased you for 20 years had absolutely no idea there was any connection. /s” — re_nonsequiturs
“How did the fiance meet the stalker? Did they worm an introduction knowing that the fiancé was involved with your best friend and has been using the fiancé hoping for the opportunity to come face to face with you. NTA.”
“Keep your distance and not just for the wedding. It is just a matter of time when you’ll be invited to dinner and the fiancé will have invited his friend.” — del901
“I would argue that he’s only maintained a friendship with them to stay connected to you. All it takes is for him to ‘stumble across’ your info while hanging out with them.”
“What kind of friend befriends the man who caused her BFF to move across the country! She is not your friend and I’d suggest changing your # and moving in the near future if you can. This is freaking weird and crazy.”
“Even if he did supposedly get better and left you alone for the past 20 years, what’s to say that seeing you wouldn’t have set him off? Why would she take that chance?” — StarbornFaeHeir
Some even shared experiences of their own.
“Big NOPE here. NTA. If she were a good friend, she’d tell her boyfriend that they would have to make a choice between you or the stalker.”
“I had a friend who had a stalker and I can’t ever even imagine inviting him to anything, ever.” — pdxflwerpwer
“NTA. I live back in town where 2 of my stalkers live. I still turn around & go a different way if I see them in a store. The few times they’ve been outside. I stay away from the windows & stay quiet inside.”
“I left the state after being stalked by them for 2 years. What I think makes it worse is that they are both police officers. I can’t see a cop car behind me without freaking out.”
“I’ve woken my husband up when he’s sleeping ( he’s an OTR truck driver ) to keep me from freaking out. Don’t worry we’re making plans to move.”
“Honestly to me, she doesn’t sound like a true friend. A true friend doesn’t just tell you to get over it. A true friend makes sure that you don’t come to harm & doesn’t put you right in the path of your stalker.”
“A true friend gets between you & the stalker knocking the rear end. I’m so sorry honey. I wish you the best.” — CrazyReckly
However the wedding ends up, at the very least OP can continue assured that she’s completely in the right for feeling weird about her friend’s casual attitude.