When it comes to remarks about other people’s bodies, it’s generally a good idea to keep those opinions to ourselves.
Even if we think we’re complimenting them, some people are so self-conscious about their bodies that they would prefer we just leave the subject alone.
As they could very easily misconstrue what was meant to be a compliment into an insult.
Redditor Unlikely-Extent-9370 was recently enjoying a night out with her friend.
The original poster (OP) and her friend were enjoying themselves until a woman, who seemed to be inebriated, made a remark about her body.
While the OP initially brushed these remarks off, this same woman continued to make comments about one specific aspect of her appearance.
Until the OP finally couldn’t take it anymore and snapped.
Concerned she may have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for snapping a woman who kept commenting about my underarm hair?”
The OP explained why she snapped at a woman while out with her friend:
“I (30s, F[emale]) was an outdoor cinema event with my friend (30s F) yesterday and I was wearing a tank top.”
“At one point the woman next to me said she loved that I was ‘embracing my feminine hair’.”
“I haven’t shaved my underarms for a while so I guess it was more noticeable than I realized.”
“I kind of just awkwardly laughed, said thanks, and that I was ‘just lazy’ and turned to chat to my friend.”
“For context, I’m pale and have dark hair so it can be noticeable.”
“I also have PCOS so I grow more hair than ‘average’.”
“I’m quite insecure about this (I dermablade under my chin regularly cause I hate the dark ‘more than peach fuzz’ I grow).”
“But I also have sensitive skin so sometimes I just choose not to shave.”
“Anyways the woman next to me and her friend kept getting progressively drunker as the film went on.”
“At the end, she turned to me and again started commenting on how much she ‘loved’ that I didn’t shave.”
“She kept going on about how she wished she was ‘brave’ and I just snapped.”
“I told her to stop, that I wasn’t being brave, I had a personal medical condition I’m still insecure about and to stop commenting about how my body is different.”
“She got silent, mumbled a sorry, and walked off with her friend.”
“We passed them again when they were leaving and she looked like she had been crying.”
“My friend said I was too harsh and she was just drunkenly trying to compliment me.”
“I said it didn’t feel like a compliment when she’s pointing out how different I am.”
“My friend said I had earlier complimented a woman’s hair and she was a different race to me, so it was similar.”
“It’s starting to get to me.”
“Obviously this drunk woman didn’t know about my issues with body hair but it made me so uncomfortable repeatedly bringing it up.”
“So, Reddit, AITA for snapping at a woman who kept commenting about my underarm hair?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at the woman.
Just about everyone understood why the OP got so frustrated, and agreed that making remarks about someone’s body was generally an idea best avoided:
“NTA.”
“People gotta stop commenting on other people’s bodies.”- piemakerdeadwaker
“Complimenting a woman’s head hair is vastly different from ‘complimenting’ someone’s underarm hair.”
“The woman was wrong to continue to go on about it and your friend needs it pointing out to her that it isn’t the same thing at all.”
“You’re NTA.”– 16Bunny
“NTA.”
“Commenting on underarm hair is weirdly personal even if you only do it once.”
“That’s one step away from walking up to a stranger on the beach and clapping every time they flash their fuzzy bikini line.”-
Just-Secretary-4018
“NTA.”
“You’re not responsible for protecting the feelings of someone who is drunk and can’t control themselves.”
“Even while sober she made a weird comment on someone else’s body which is wild to me.”
“You weren’t harsh going by what you said here either.”
“You didn’t shout or swear and just asked her to stop commenting on a medical condition.”
“Your friend kind of sounds like TA actually like why is defending the feelings of someone they don’t know more important than listening to how you feel?”
“Complimenting someone’s hair is way different than a comment on body hair also so idk why your friend is comparing that.”- peachpeachfuzz
“NTA.”
“I also have PCOS, so I’m shaped like I’m pregnant.”
“People will ask me how far along I am, is this my first, am I happy I’m finally showing.”
“It’s all unwarranted and rude.”
“We’re the ones that have to deal with this BS disease, I say let everyone else deal with the consequences of their fat mouths.”- Jumpy-Grand7196
“NTA.”
“I think it’s such a weird thing to say to strangers.”
“It’s not the same as making a comment about head hair.”
“I however would have just thought she was weird and not been mad.”
“Her social backwardness in discussing your underarm hair is socially backward.”
“Maybe she had a crush on you or something.”
“Seems like something a person does when they have no game.”
“Haha.”- anditurnedaround
“NTA.”
“It’s possible she was trying to compliment you.”
“It’s also possible she channeled her inner mean girl and was saying ‘you’re so brave’ in a very backhanded way.”
“Either way, people need to stop commenting on others’ bodies.”
“Stick to things like ‘I love your hair’ and ‘Great shirt!'”- Mindless-Client3366
“NTA.”
“She was being rude, drunk or not.”
“I probably would have snapped the first time.”
“The fact she commented at all is ridiculous!”- Opening_Band_8643
“NTA.”
“What’s next, somebody will compliment you about your bikini line on a beach?”
“Totally different than saying someone’s hair looks cute or whatever.”- HandmaidJam
“NTA.”
“Maybe she shouldn’t comment on people’s bodies next time.”
“I know she was drunk, but still.”
“If you get so drunk that you keep making another person uncomfortable, you need to stop drinking so much.”- maybebaebea
“NTA.”
“Saying you like someone’s hair is an entirely different thing to commenting on their body hair.”-
Fioreborn
There were some, however, who did sympathize with the woman the OP snapped at, feeling she clearly thought she was being nice, even if they still agreed that the OP’s snapping was justified:
“This lady sounds like my mom.”
“Trying to be nice ’cause she does genuinely admire it, but not realizing the lines she’s crossing.”
“I don’t know that iI would say anyone’s an AH in this situation.”
“You had reason to snap, it’s weird to be fascinated with someone’s underpits, but she may just have genuinely thought you were a badass chicka.”
“I’m going with NAH unless you asked her to stop politely before snapping, and she ignored you.”- Impossible_Smile4113
“NAH, honestly.”
“I sincerely believe that woman was trying to pay you a compliment and failed miserably.”
“I don’t think she’s an AH if her intentions were entirely kind and she was drunk and thus more eager to compliment a stranger.”
“You correctly pointed out to her that this is a sensitive subject and she shouldn’t be commenting.”
“She apologized.”
“This was just an awkward interaction with a drunk stranger who did something kinda dumb in an effort to be nice, I don’t think either of you should walk away from it feeling particularly awful about what happened.”- WandersongWright
There were also a select few who felt the OP was out of line, feeling this woman didn’t deserve to be snapped at, as she was clearly trying to be nice:
“YTA.”
“Yes she didn’t know how insecure you were but ultimately she was complimented you and you projected your insecurities directly onto her, she’ll probably carry that with her now and will be afraid to compliment people going forward.”
“It’s free to just be nice especially if someone’s starting by being nice to you.”- toriteratism
While others didn’t think anyone came out looking particularly good in this situation:
“ESH.”
“Slight YTA for you, because You need a smoother transition from ‘I’m lazy’ to outright snapping.”
“Tell her ‘please don’t speak to me anymore’ or ‘please do not comment on my body any more’.”
“THEN if they do it again, you snap.”- Alternative-Redditer
In this woman’s defense, it does seem like she genuinely believed that she was complimenting the OP.
But as she didn’t know the OP, and thus had no idea how she was going to react, she would have been much better off had she just let her be.
As everyone has their breaking point, and best not to assume when it comes to strangers.