Co-parenting after separating always poses numerous challenges.
Even when parents are no longer together, they remain focused on ensuring their children know they are loved and cared for.
Even if there are still unresolved emotions and a lot of pain and unhappy memories to contend with.
Something many parents are sadly unable to avoid.
Redditor Clothes_Care3181 had a somewhat contentious relationship with their ex-partner.
A relationship that was further complicated by their custody agreement.
Muddying the waters even further, however, was the fact that the OP’s ex began withholding items the OP had gifted to their son.
Resulting in the OP taking somewhat unorthodox measures.
After being called “petty” by their sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for sending my child to my ex in thrift store or cheap clothes?”
The OP explained why they sent their son to his weekends with his mother in very specific attire:
‘My ex-wife has our child every weekend, and I have them during the week.”
“I make more than my ex, and I make it a point to have nice clothes for our child at our house.”
“I have primary custody, so no child support is paid to her.”
‘I’ll call my ex Jenn and my kid, Alex.”
“When I pick up Alex from Jenn’s apartment, I wash the clothes they were wearing and send them back to Jenn when she sees Alex on the weekend.”
“Usually put them in Alex’s backpack.”
“They are not great clothes, kinda cheap or really worn.”
“My issues started when Alex’s clothes that they were wearing when I dropped them off at Jenn would disappear.”
“I didn’t really notice it at the beginning, but when the closet started to get empty, I noticed.”
“I asked Jenn where the clothes were going, and if she could send them back.”
“It caused so many problems.”
“She went to her lawyer and claimed they were the clothes that she bought, and I have no right to them.”
“I had to pull out all my receipts of me buying them.”
“It was a whole thing which cost wayyyy too much money because our lawyers were involved.”
“In the end, she was told to return the clothes.”
“After that, I have been dressing our child in the clothes she sent him to me in (which don’t look the best) or in thrift clothes that I don’t care about disappearing.”
“I got a text about how I am cruel for doing this, and I should just let her keep Alex’s clothes I sent him in because I make more money.”
“I told Jenn if she wants nicer clothes to go buy some (she has the money, she makes decent money).”
“I find it ridiculous that she tried to steal his whole closet when she makes choices to go on vacation instead of buying nice clothes for our kid.”
Alex doesn’t care I have asked. (11, my kid told me when it’s time to head home, the only clothes are the crappy ones. The ones he put to get washed just vanish). Example nice coat he wore everywhere, time to head back, it wasn’t there, and Jenn rushed him out the door without a coat. Sometimes they show up again, sometimes not at the house.”
“Alex just said that he won’t go to school in those types of clothes which is fine because Alex doesn’t.”
“I get Alex back before Monday school.”
“Jenn drops him off at 8 on Sunday.”
“Also it’s not like Alex is going out on the weekend to see friends because Jenn refuses to drive Alex.”
“That is why Alex couldn’t do the sport he wanted because Jenn refused to drive him to weekend practices or games ( completely different issue).
“I am trying to get full custody.”
“We wouldn’t be here if she was just normal and sent back clothes.”
“What happens to the clothes?”
“Some stayed at the house, some were given to family or sold online, others came back damaged (don’t know if they were messed up before or after she was told to give them back).”
“I was ranting to my sister, and she called me petty and told me to just give her some clothes.”
“Should I?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for sending Alex to their ex’s in cheaper clothing.
Everyone agreed that Jenn’s behavior could be considered theft, and the op had a right to protect Alex’s property:
“NTA.”
“Had a friend whose ex was selling the quality clothes of the kids to supplement his income.”
“It stopped when she started sending them over t-shirts and shorts they painted themselves.”
“The kids loved the outfits, and the ex wanted something fancy for an event with his new gf.”
“When my friend reminded him he had certain outfits because they had worn them over holidays and they didn’t return to her house.”
“He went silent.”
“From then on, the quality stuff stayed at her house because it risked disappearing at his.”-PassComprehensive425
“I recall reading something similar a few years back, and the solution that the parent came up with was to have a tie-dye making party with their kid.”
“Get them super into the activity and onboard with wearing it, and the former partner (who’d been passing the high-end clothes on to kids in her new family, or selling them, I don’t quite remember) hit the roof because there was no value in the tie-dye stuff except the joy it brought their shared child.”
“NTA.”- No_Durian_3730
“NTA.”
“My ex-husband used to do this all the time.”
“With everything.”
“I would buy new sneakers.”
“I would pick them up & they would be wearing flip flops.”
“They weren’t allowed to wear flip flops to school & I was picking them up from his job to bring them directly to school.”
“The sneakers were at his house, which was 30 miles away in the wrong direction.”
“I would have to run home, get their old sneakers & bring them to school late.”
“Anything nice and/or new that they wore to his house would never be seen again.”
“It’s gets really old when you go out & buy them a bunch of new clothes & never see those clothes again.”
“If he bought them clothes, they weren’t allowed to wear them home.”
“I started sending them back in the same clothes that they came in.”
“The problem went away when they reached an age where they were able to advocate for themselves that they didn’t want to leave the Sponge Bob t-shirt that their cousin gave them or the jeans with butterfly bedazzling that they got with their birthday money.”
“It’s not being petty to return the same energy to prevent your child from losing their belongings every other weekend.”- jackrgyrl
“NTA.”
“To anyone who’s never dealt with this issue, it definitely sounds petty, and maybe it is.”
“However it’s very frustrating when outfits you spent good money on and maybe are your favorites keep disappearing and are replaced with cheap, stained clothes.”
“I understand your pain.”
“I’ve had $55 Disney sweatshirts disappear and yet been hounded for a $6.97 Walmart shirt.”
“The good news is that by the time the children are teenagers they mostly pick their own stuff and you don’t have to worry about it.”- tarnishau14
“NTA.”
“Wash the clothes he was sent home in and send them back to their mom’s in those same clothes.”
“If she wants nicer clothes for them, then she can buy them.”- copperbear00
“NTA.”
“I can relate to this.”
“My ex-husband makes 10x what I do.”
“I work, but don’t make very much, so when I pay full price for clothing, I want it back.”
“This drives my ex batty.”
“He complains about me taking all the nice clothes.”
“I told him if he wants nice stuff, he can buy it, he makes plenty of money.”- Express-Diamond-6185
“What’s she doing with them?”
“Other kids?”
“Selling them?”
“NTA.”- MaximumNice39
“NTA.”
“Your ex is petty and is trying to get back at you in petty ways.”
“If she wants your son is nice clothes to show him off to her friends and relatives, she will provide nice clothes.”
“I bet she already has some.”- Spare_Ad5009
It would be one thing if the OP were sending Alex to their mother in inexpensive clothes purely to spite her, or doing so made Alex unhappy or uncomfortable.
It seems, however, that neither is the case, and the OP is doing so purely to ensure Alex’s nicer clothes don’t disappear.
Seeing as Jenn has already found herself in legal trouble with the OP, she had better be a bit more careful regarding Alex and his things going forward.