People experience gender—a largely social construct—differently and in recent years researchers have proven gender is more fluid than it is black and white.
Supporting those we love is important.
But what if your spouse’s choice of expression cost them a job? Or risked your home?
One Redditor by the name of rosegoldyeet turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on their own troubles when trying to support their non-binary husband’s style while in desperate need of employment.
“AITA for telling my non binary husband to change his clothes?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained their situation.
“My husband has massive gender dysphoria and recently came out as nonbinary (he/him), which isn’t an issue. The issue is he can’t hold a job down and now we’re losing the flat because of his loss of employment due to discrimination in his last job.”
“To be blunt, he’s .. quite open. He spoke openly about his sexuality (bisexual) and gender identity in his last workplace office and it offended the manager.”
”He also has super long hair, likes wearing lots of makeup, and dresses ‘traditionally feminine’, minus skirts and such. He has a job interview today.”
“We were told if he can’t secure this job, we’re most likely gonna lose the flat. He says he wants to wear makeup for the interview which is fine, but I admittedly was cringing inside because I knew how he does it.”
“He emerges happily from the bathroom with knee-high shiny high-heel boots, bright pink eyeshadow, sparkles scattered across his entire face, and deep cat liner.”
”I stopped him and asked if he was actually going to walk into the interview like that and he got immediately angry and started yelling at me, before sulking to the sink to wash his makeup off. He’s also opted for doc martens instead of the boots.”
“The thing is, I don’t really care what he identifies as and all other days happily go out with him when he’s dressed like that. But I feel terrible telling him not to be himself for the sake of his employment and a flat.”
”It was already hard enough for jobs to take him seriously before he properly came out due to his super long hair, but now it’s worse.”
“And we kinda can’t afford right now for a job to find a reason to discriminate against him, as wrong as that sounds.”
Redditors were asked to decide what they thought by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reached a consensus declaring the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. You’d tell a straight, cis woman that pink sparkle makeup and this type of clothing wasn’t appropriate for an interview. But there is ‘traditionally feminine’ clothing that is appropriate for interviews.”