It’s the holiday season!
For many the spirit of the season is gifts.
And gifts add up fast.
Sometimes less is more.
But to a few, more is more and better.
This can be a contentious problem in a relationship.
Case in point...
Redditor Interesting-Art-674 to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to make an advent calendar or 12 days of Christmas for my wife and that’s showing ‘I don’t give two sh**s about her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am very, very frustrated, so please excuse my grammar.”
“Around Thanksgiving, Shelly asked me to make her an advent calendar, and I told her no.”
“I had many reasons for it but the main one is that it is a s**t ton of work that I don’t have time to do.”
“I would have to find 24 gifts that she would like, wrap them all, and then present them in a nice way.”
“Even if I spent 5 dollars on each it would still be over 100 dollars.”
“On top of that, I have already bought her a lot of Christmas gifts that I know she wants.”
“This caused a huge argument about me not caring enough for her, and I pointing out this is a ridiculous request.”
“It came up again to do 12 days of Christmas one.”
“At this point, I was annoyed, and I told her no and that she was awfully entitled to wanting more presents.”
“This got us into another argument, and her telling me I apparently don’t give two sh**s about her since I won’t do this for her.”
“I am getting texts from her friends that I should do this or it shows I don’t care about her.”
“I need an outside opinion and I am so close to returning all her Christmas gifts since I feel she is being horribly entitled.”
The OP was left to wonder:
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It’s a stupid TikTok trend where people ask their significant other to make a personalized advent calendar and if they say no, it means they don’t love you.”
“It’s stupid ASF and turned something that was a cute video into an obligation and test of love.”
“Your wife is being an a** and is too old to be taking relationship cues from TikTok.
“I’d suggest you ask for one as well to see how convenient it will be for her to do and if it works out, say you will try for next year when you have time to put thought into it. NTA.” ~ unsolicitedPeanutG
“I feel like she doesn’t know her husband very well.”
“I know if I asked my husband to do this he would be like…”
“‘Which part of my day would you like me to allocate to building you an advent calendar of s**t you can just buy on Amazon for yourself ???'”
“‘Hell no, what is wrong with you???’”
“But I would never ask him.”
“However, if I DID ask him, I would get the above response, but I guarantee he would come home from work the next day with one of those CVS chocolate advent calendars and a bottle of wine— completely missing the point 😂.” ~ macdawg2020
“I thought of TikTok vids I just watched last night too.”
“There was a guy who recorded his exchange with his B[oy]F[riend] where it went almost like OP’s story here (B[oy]F[riend] refused to do so, saying that it would cost a lot of money) and the number of comments dragging his bf to hell is a bit… concerning.”
“But that’s how it is when you air your personal issue on an app full of judgmental folks like TikTok.” ~ Simple-Code-3229
“NTA… my husband and I did this.”
“We shared the 24 days because sometimes he had to work for Christmas, and since there wouldn’t be a gift opening together we did this via the calendar.”
“But you don’t do both, big calendar and big gifts at Christmas.”
“We always did one.”
“And when he was home Christmas Eve (German family) we usually had small presents for each other.”
“This is just crazy.”
“You don’t fit the 20 bucks makeup each day for 24 days.”
“We love Lego sets, so we split up these sets for a hundred bucks for 10 days or so, just to have something small each day.”
“Your wife is just entitled.”
“She can have the calendar or a big Christmas present, not both!”
“We still do a calendar, this year we have a very small bottle of wine 0.25 liter to drink each evening. It is nice, but nothing big!” ~ Any-Music-2206
“This sounds so cute!”
“It’s gross that people saw someone surprising their partner with a super sweet gift and turned it into yet another way to be entitled and manipulative.”
“Anyone who DEMANDS a specific gift from me isn’t going to get a thing.”
“There are some really awesome premade advent calendars out there in a huge variety of items.”
“You can get Lego, makeup, body care, alcohol, etc.”
“I’ve even seen ‘witchy’ ones with crystals, tarot, etc.”
“And they aren’t cheap!”
“If someone bought me one that catered to my interests, I wouldn’t get angry that they didn’t hand-make it.”
“OP is right – buying each item adds up fast, and then gift wrapping a ton of little items is time-consuming.” ~ Without-Reward
“I figured this was the case when I read his post.”
“I’m guessing the friends who are texting OP are single and see this as the best way to take part in the trend so are pushing the ‘if he doesn’t do this he doesn’t care about you’ narrative.”
“It bounced around the echo chamber for a while and now it’s here.”
“NTA. Get her couples counseling for Christmas.” ~ TogarSucks
“Unfortunately, a solid 95% of TikTok trends with relationships are utter nonsense meant to make people feel lesser and like their relationship isn’t enough.”
“Like I’m married, I’m pregnant, it’s not been a fun time the past several months.”
“Know what’s way better than an advent calendar full of junk?”
“When my husband fills up my water and brings me a heating pad for my calf so I don’t have to stand back up.”
“That is love.”
“Not a bunch of knick-knacks.” ~ BabyCowGT
“She probably got this idea off of TikTok lol.”
“Not the first argument I’ve seen over this silly little TikTok ideas for unnecessary Christmas gifts.”
“NTA, getting 24 gifts, wrapping them, and whatnot is just a lot.” ~ Zestyclose-Gap-9341
“I am old, this post has me depressed.”
“What the heck with this type of materialistic, grabby, greedy view of Christmas?”
“Can’t we just… be together, have a great meal, drink a little too much, and play Drunk Scrabble? NTA.” ~ busyshrew
“NTA; I’m in the same boat right now except my wife is more understanding… this is the biggest bullshit marketing gift ever.”
“They are all $400-600 and my budget is like $80-120.”
“I have absolutely no idea what to do now because she wanted a perfume or cosmetic advent calendar and I’m really trying my best butt damn these companies made it difficult and expensive.”
“I’m thinking right now that I’m going to get free samples if I can.”
“Buy a calendar from Amazon and do a do-it-yourself with the free samples.”
“The Christmas one will have a $100 gift certificate so she can get the favored perfume.”
“That’s my idea for now but need to find out where to get samples from first.” ~ lions2lambs
“Advent calendars have blown up into SUCH a ridiculous thing these days.”
“When I was a kid, 55 years ago, we were thrilled to take it in turns to open a little cardboard window and see a picture of an angel or whatever.”
“Then came the chocolate ones.”
“Then came the ‘grown up’ ones with booze or cheese or whatever.”
“Now we get the ultra-commercialised ones with make-up and stuff. It’s obscene, frankly.”
“Advent in the Christian calendar (I’m not a Christian these days but I know from ye olden days) is supposed to be a period like Lent where you actually cut back your consumption in advance of the big feast of Christmas.”
“Now it’s party season.”
“NTA. You would be an ahole to yourself if you comply.” ~ Lady_of_Lomond
“NTA – she is acting way too entitled and clearly isn’t grateful or appreciative of the efforts you have put into the Christmas presents you’ve already brought her.”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees and this season is already tough for it. If she wants it that bad, make her get it herself.” ~ TheRottenMess-
“NTA. I think you should apologize for saying that it’s too late for this year as you’d already been buying the 8 bigger presents.”
“And say that next year, you can talk in the fall about whether/how to change your customs.”
“If she wants the 24-25 small presents in a cute calendar instead of what you currently do, and the total cost can be the same or less, then I think next year you should attempt it although it will be more work.”
“Maybe tell her that you don’t mind which option she chooses for you if that is true.”
“But definitely don’t let her fall further into that expectation that the holiday is for you to give and her to receive.”
“Also, you can make your own choices about what percentage of your Christmas budget is for presents for your wife.”
“Are there other family members who don’t get much at this time of year who would appreciate being remembered?”
“Grandparents? Is anyone newly divorced/separated? A single parent who focuses on buying for their children?”
“Are there groups dealing with poverty or hunger in your town who would appreciate a small donation?”
“Would you prefer to put more money into festive eating and drinking this year?”
“Those are all choices you can make.”
“I think your girlfriend is TA for getting all her friends into your private choices.” ~ serioushobbit
OP came back with an Edit…
“She wants a nice one, not one like a snack advent calendar.”
“She gave me suggestions like markups she likes, I can’t be spending 20 for a lip mask for a single day.”
“And I can’t just buy an advent calendar she wants me to make it.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
This sounds like a lot to ask.
You’ve already put a lot of thought and money into the Christmas day gifts.
You have to go with your gut.