When two adults with children from previous relationships start dating, the hope is that everything will work out, and their families will be able to come together into a beautiful, blended unit.
But sometimes, these arrangements don't work out that way. Their stepchildren might have much different relationships than they were hoping for, not because they hate each other but because they like each other a little "too much," pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Harrillyns had been dating his girlfriend for about a year and a half, and when they met each other's parents, they realized their single mom and dad were dating each other coincidentally, as well.
But when their parents moved their relationship along faster and got engaged, the Original Poster (OP) and his girlfriend were weirded out by the amount of pressure their parents put on them to break up before they were legally stepsiblings.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for refusing to break up with my girlfriend because my dad got engaged to her mom?"
The OP and his father accidentally dated women from the same family.
"I (17 Male) started dating my girlfriend Noa (17 Female) 18 months ago."
"A few months after we started dating, we found out my dad and her mom had started dating after we did. We hadn't done the meet the parent/kid stuff yet, and when we did, it's how we found out."
"My dad and Noa's mom were angry when they realized Noa and I were dating. They told us we needed to end it because the two of them were serious about their relationship."
"We told them we weren't breaking up for them. I told my dad I loved Noa and wouldn't break up with her for any dumb reason."
The parents continued to push the issue against the OP and his girlfriend.
"My dad and Noa's mom tried to make things awkward for us. They started calling us siblings and introducing us to others as stepsiblings."
"They even talked about trying IVF to have a baby together."
"But Noa and I kept dating. We made them uncomfortable every time we kissed or held hands."
"Then the awkwardness for my dad and Noa's mom went up when they found out we were each other's first time."
"They didn't move in together as soon as they wanted because they didn't want us living together. But then they decided the societal pressure to break up would increase if we 'lived as siblings.' It didn't."
"So then they got engaged, but we're still together."
The parents didn't want the OP and his girlfriend to date once they were stepsiblings.
"My dad and her mom are more persistent now because they don't want us to be dating at their wedding, and they want to get married before summer next year."
"They try to make us feel weird about being together, but I don't. She's not my sister, she's not my sibling, and even if my dad marries her mom, she won't be my family like they think."
"To get back at them, Noa pretended we were going to elope once we're both 18, which is a few months away, since we share a birthday month."
"My dad didn't freak out, but her mom did, and she called us sick and disgusting, and she told us their relationship should take priority over ours."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some advised that the OP and his girlfriend set the record straight on social media.
"NTA, but I think you and your girlfriend should post online for family to see something about your one-and-a-half-year anniversary."
"Post a lot about how long you've been dating. Always reference the timeline so when friends and family see this, they will begin to do the maths that your relationship is older than your parents' relationship."
"That way, your parents will be considered the weird ones for dating their children's respective parents." - Secret_Double_9239
"The parents should just own that they started dating after the OP and Noa did. They coincidentally met elsewhere, and anyway, kids dating and then their single parents dating is less weird than the reverse. Sitcoms do it sometimes to 'tie up the loose ends' after their main couple gets together: it means they only need to write one set of parental reactions to the shenanigans."
"The main problem is likely that the parents don't want to see their seventeen-year-olds' relationship as valid, because they want to keep seeing them as kids. This is a common problem for 17-21 year olds, it just usually manifests in emotional distance for that time while the parents adjust, rather than with a big confrontation." - TJ_Rowe
"It would be nice to throw in that they eloped at 18 and there's a baby on the way. It would totally mess with the parents' relationship and their future wedding. But I'm petty." - S9_noworries
"This battle is going to be won by who controls the narrative, and presuming you younger folks have social media savvy, it's time for you to do a full-court PR campaign." - -tacostacostacos-
"Each time they introduce you two as siblings or stepsiblings, you two should put your arms around each other and tell the person, 'This is the love of my life and we're about to celebrate our two-year anniversary soon.' It will mortify your parents and probably get them to stop saying it." - Happy742
"You carry on with what you are doing and enjoy your relationship. Just a word of advice from an old person: Don't let them split you up if it's working, but don't stay together if it's not."
"If you two really are in love and stay that way, congratulations, and don't let your parents' feeling awkward sour it. It was an odd coincidence that will ease with time if they just let it."
"Don't stay together just because 'they'll win.' It's your lives, and it's too important for your future. Stay together by all means, but people change and grow and mature."
"Sometimes your paths diverge, and that's OK. There are many relationships that start in high school that last the distance, but there are many that don't."
"Take your parents out of the equation when you make your life decisions."
"I wish you luck in the future, whatever happens in your relationship." - EPotterGraham
Others encouraged the OP to continue to not view this as weird and let the parents get used to it.
"This battle is going to be won by whoever can give less f**ks. There is no battle if you're willing to simply say, 'Okay cool,' and ignore the opinion of people who make it weird."
"What's really weird are the people who think it's weird to date the kid of the person your parent is dating (or vice versa). It's not. It's just a hilarious coincidence."
"Sure, there is a potential for awkwardness if one of them break up and meet at family gatherings. But who cares?" - lpmiller
"You are both 17, so it's not like the two of you grew up together and were RAISED as siblings. It would be different if you had spent several years since childhood as stepsiblings. But now, lol, nah, you're good. It's just a funny coincidence." - ducks_are_dragons
"NTA. They're the ones making it weird, for f**k's sake."
"And I bet they will be shocked when you both turn 18, go to college or whatever, and go low-contact or no-contact with them. When they wake up one day and neither of their children speak to either of them, it will be their own fault." - iknowsomethings2
"I once worked at a place with Randy, his wife Sue, and another couple, Cody and Sara. They kept everything professional, but one day, Sara called Sue 'mom.'"
"I start asking questions, and Randy is Cody's dad, and Sue is Sara's mom. Randy and Sue started dating, and their children met, fell in love, and now they have this lovely but odd family."
"That could be the OP's future if the parents would just calm down." - loose_translation
"Stepsiblings aren't siblings in any legal sense. It's a term created to describe a relationship in a blended family. There are no bars to relationships or marriage, and there have been many cases where parents get together with their kids' partners' parent."
"Most times, it's just a fun fact, but sometimes the parents try to make it weird, as they are doing here."
'All they are doing is pushing you two closer together. There is nothing like "us against the world" to keep people together." - Adelucas
The subReddit totally sided with the OP and encouraged him to honor his relationship if it was what he and his girilfriend wanted.
Though they were still young and their feelings might eventually change, there was no reason that the two of them had to stop dating just because their parents were engaged.
While their parents would share a marriage certificate, the two of them would be no more related than they had ever been before.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.